English starter to engaging conversations...

[jeffooi]

BURIAL

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour
peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced
youngster was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, " and
I've just buried him."

The neighbour was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a
goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied: "That's
because he's inside your stupid cat."

[jeffooi]

FOR THE HOUSE

THE husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was
fuming, as the clock ticked later and later.

Finally, about 3am, she heard a noise at the front door, and as
she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk
as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs. "Do you realise what
time it is," she said.

He answered: "Don't get excited, I'm late because I bought
something for the house."

Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the
stairs to meet him halfway, she said: "What did you buy for the
house, dear?"

His answer: "A round of drinks!"



NEW SUNDAY TIMES, Style, November 17, 2002

[lady-o-leisure]

I've kept this for a long time in my mailbox and now I see a new home for it Hope you find it as interesting/tongue-twisting as i do.

REASONS WHY THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS HARD TO LEARN

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was
time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?