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Thread: 21 year-old daughter..

  1. #1
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    Exclamation 21 year-old daughter..

    A daughter goes overseas for her tertiary education. A year later, comes home for summer holiday with a boy friend, a foreigner, Hing Kong Chinese. Being just turned 21 and sexually active, she and the boy friend unreservably go on a public display of passionate affection for one another, hugs and kisses in the public, at home and everywhere. What should the parents do? She is 21, legally, she is free to do anything. The parents are still in a denial mode, but the rest of the family members, being Asians, do not culturally accept this public display of affection, not to mention sex before marriage. At any rate, no one would doubt that what their sexual lives would be by now. She knows the boy just 4 months ago. Is that too fast, too much to give up?

    If you are the parent, what would you do?

    Chase the boy out of your home? wack the boy senseless?

  2. #2
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    you must be the parent of this daughter ....what u can do is to talk to her. tell her that the culture in asia is diff from US or UK....we cannot accept such action in public... Be nice to her...explain to her..... she will understand and wont do it again...

  3. #3
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    She's probably showing off her prize catch or hinting that she is old enough to decide on her own life. Talk..talk..n more talk to her to finish her uni first...that's what I think the parents can only do .

  4. #4
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    i agree with alexhay! but before explain to the daughter, i advise the parent really should think and plan carefully, so that the gal can more easily accept and won't give any negative respond...

  5. #5
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    Red face

    i got two boys and i wish my boys will not grow up this way.

    talk to the daughter? yes, the entire family already done with. the answer was: this is ang-mo, mat salleh, style la.. nothing wrong... well, my response was : only the "pariah" ang-mo behave like that la.. the poor ang-mo. wealthy, educated and cultered ones not like that one. she got mad at me. the father is too depressed to speak. mother, still in denial mode, thinking that the daughter has fished a golden tortise son-in-law from hong kong. In reality, my contention is if that guy ended up someone else husband one day, the dausghter just got licked for free!

  6. #6
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    I think home education about female/male relationship and sex is important. Our children must have a strong fundation on relationship/sex education so that they won't easily get influence from the western country/internet/TV.
    If for the past 20 years this girl has been living in Malaysia, she should know the culture here where people don't actually hugs and kisses openly in the public. Explain to her nicely like what Alexhay mentioned, tell her the danger of sex before marriage....etc . If she doesn't bother to listen to all the teachings and advices,pull her back to Malaysia and continue the study locally as I believe all the degree/master prg can be done locally.
    Well, if she insisted that this is the man that she wanted to live her life with...and their sex relationship has gone beyond... then you may consider to get them married

  7. #7
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    true...i know a few ang moh, they wont do this infront of everyone....only will give their wife a goodbye kiss only... I did not see them simply hug and kiss infront of public...

    I did ask a friend of mine (he is from US). He told me that their culture also will not accept ppl simply hug and kiss in public. Only a goodbye kiss will do.

  8. #8
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    Originally quoted by UChangEng: If you are the parent, what would you do? Chase the boy out of your home? wack the boy senseless?
    Quote Originally Posted by uchangeng
    i got two boys and i wish my boys will not grow up this way.

    talk to the daughter? yes, the entire family already done with. the answer was: this is ang-mo, mat salleh, style la.. nothing wrong... well, my response was : only the "pariah" ang-mo behave like that la.. the poor ang-mo. wealthy, educated and cultered ones not like that one. she got mad at me. the father is too depressed to speak. mother, still in denial mode, thinking that the daughter has fished a golden tortise son-in-law from hong kong. In reality, my contention is if that guy ended up someone else husband one day, the dausghter just got licked for free!
    Err...dear UChangEng...since you have posted this...IF Orchi may...just a thought from Orchi...here.

    Should she be your own flesh n blood...darling daughter instead...ahem...would you use the same manners to describe the whole issue here...?

    Ahem...having asked that...should you n your family be the one faced with this similar issue personally...would you mind IF your friends...err...no matter how close they may be to you...openly discuss this with strangers...or in a public forum...with those manners?

    Sorry IF you think Orchi has taken this all wrong...but for a minute there...Orchi didn't think...you could have it in you to do this here...or perhaps you are NOT being yourself on this one...

    Err...btw...last but not least...this is NOT about anyone trying to be on moral high grounds...rather it's just doesn't seem to be a right thing to do...

  9. #9
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    I think the problem with a lot of youngsters is that they will want to be even more kwai loh in behavious than the kwai lohs themselves. People who are cultured, kwai lohs included will be quite reserved in their show of affections for their loved ones. Greetings and hugs are normal but that is it.

  10. #10
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    i would unreservedly tell them to practise contraception

    remind them that this is an islamic country and openly displaying affection is a taboo and frowned upon

    may get into trouble with the laws of this country if overtly intimate and behave indecently in public

    to the father- time to let her lead her own life.social values has changed.prenuptial sex is an accepted practice- is the rage among teenagers

  11. #11
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    yeah....sometimes when i parton pubs...i notice some youngsters act totally like ang moh....with their slang.....anyone watch the advertisement by telekom or petronas..on the 2 guy talk like ang moh and suddenly their grandma appear...

    hmmm.....

  12. #12
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    There may be some parallel to this quote which I heard sometime back:

    "If our children lie, who has made them afraid to tell the truth?"

    The answer, most of the time, lies within. We are the problem and we are the solution. Wish life could be much simpler.

  13. #13
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    Talking

    My 2 cents worth:

    The girl obviously is in a hurry to show all and sundry that she is a "woman" and for her parents to see she is an "adult" hence the over the top behaviour.

    In my opinion, pulling her back to study in Malaysia, whacking the guy up or even trying to discipline the girl is going to backfire.

    Tell her, if she wants to behave like an adult then do so. Adults behave considerately and respectfully of the ppl around them. Tell her, her blatant disregard for the sensitivities of her family & community shows her immaturity. And if she continues to act immaturely, she will be treated as a child & not an adult.

    If she is living under your roof for the holidays, then she should grow up, act like the adult she thinks she is. If she can't do that, ask her to move to a hotel with her boyfriend and let them pay for it.

    Tell her too that ang mohs know when and how to behave where. Asian wannabes just make fools of themselves pretending that they are "sophisticated" and "worldly".

    She is gloating on the reaction this has caused her parents. The shock, the horror...its what is driving her. Remove that "pay off" for her as well. Basically treat it as a non-event.

    Tell the boy too if he wants to treat your daughter publicly like his wife, then act like a son-in-law as well and contribute to the expenses of the home. Tell them both if they want to act like a married couple, they will have to take the responsibility along with it. Not just the icing.

    ok..maybe more than 2 cents but from experience as to how my uncle handled his wayward daughter. I on the other hand never gave my parents such grief. All evil doing was done discreetly!

  14. #14
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    I would threaten to disown my daughter if my advises to leave this guy and concentrate in her studies falls deaf on her ears.

    Or maybe a tight slap on her face will do the trick. Sometimes, old school is the way to disicpline the young ones.

  15. #15
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    I agree with layman. In this day and age, sex before marriage is commonplace. As long as she is doing it at her own free will, there is nothing much we can say. However, the girl must be advised about contraception and guarding herself against STD. I believe that if a young person does not know anything about contraception and STD, then they are not ready for sex.

    As for public displays of affection. There certainly is a limit on what you can do in public. Just have to explain to them again.

    By the sound of it, both the girl and boy sound very immature. They think they are all grown up by acting like this. They don't seem to understand the word 'respect', respect for parent's and local culture.

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