Y hubby treat me tis way?

[court7]

i found my hubby having affair!!!! who can help me?arrrggghhhhh....... im a stay home mum, w a 2 yr old son....

I HATE MY LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! :confused:

[cherry]

Firstly, you must know whether it is proven or just a mere suspicion. If its true, I suggest you to discuss it with your husband why he did it in the first place and of course when you confront him you must have prove so that he would not deny it. Another thing is that you confront her, maybe she's a victim too maybe she doesn't know that he's married. I wish that you would be strong during this period and because your child needs you.

My family is going through this period now... and obviously the lady knows my father is married. My mom just don't wanna talk about it and she kept on saying that she just waiting to die and my father don't care about us anymore. It breaks my heart everytime she uttered those words. I just wish that she was strong and never give in but I think its because we're all grown up already so didn't see the reason to do so. In your case, you still have a young child in your care who really needs very much of your love and support. Please don't give up...

[Chermaine]

Be strong, be tough and be positive!!!!

[court7]

tq.

I have all prove n confronted both of them. Both admitted. But my hub kp saying tat he dont want to lose me , n our son. (probably is our son only n not me at all).

Both of them has been together for more than 2 years, they started while i was pg (8 months). emm... she is married w 2 kids. they know each other from internet... :mad: ... they never meant to b together since the first day(do u think this is yaks?)

my hub is 20 yr old older than me, may b he find hard to communicate with me as there is a generation gap (otherwise i really dont know where my prob is) :o ...the lady tat he has is 15 years older than me.... *sob sob*... i feel so hurt... i really dont know what to do.... no family support from my side, they are far away in east malaysia, I dont want to make them worry too. i feel tat i being bullied. n they are really big bully. hub side family has make it clear tat they cant help me much as they affraid their relationship will "KOYAK!!", can u believe this?.... *sob sob*

shall i leave? or keep quite to stay on?

[mon]

tq.

I have all prove n confronted both of them. Both admitted. But my hub kp saying tat he dont want to lose me , n our son. (probably is our son only n not me at all).

Both of them has been together for more than 2 years, they started while i was pg (8 months). emm... she is married w 2 kids. they know each other from internet... :mad: ... they never meant to b together since the first day(do u think this is yaks?)

my hub is 20 yr old older than me, may b he find hard to communicate with me as there is a generation gap (otherwise i really dont know where my prob is) :o ...the lady tat he has is 15 years older than me.... *sob sob*... i feel so hurt... i really dont know what to do.... no family support from my side, they are far away in east malaysia, I dont want to make them worry too. i feel tat i being bullied. n they are really big bully. hub side family has make it clear tat they cant help me much as they affraid their relationship will "KOYAK!!", can u believe this?.... *sob sob*

shall i leave? or keep quite to stay on?

it's funny both of them should admit so soon, sorry, but if i were in ur husband's shoes, i wld try to cover up, unless u caught me red-handed with my pants down! and that woman, wouldn't she be afraid that u wld expose their affair to her husband?? sorry, but could they just want u out of their lives? we can tell u lots of stuff but u r the one to decide cos u know him, we don't.
..if u hv been a wonderful wife n mother all these years, it's time u call the shots. u don't hv to wait for him to make a choice, it's all up to u.
when things like this happen in a marriage, it's ironic cos kids don't usually come first most of the time.

[court7]

it's funny both of them should admit so soon, sorry, but if i were in ur husband's shoes, i wld try to cover up, unless u caught me red-handed with my pants down! and that woman, wouldn't she be afraid that u wld expose their affair to her husband?? sorry, but could they just want u out of their lives? we can tell u lots of stuff but u r the one to decide cos u know him, we don't.
..if u hv been a wonderful wife n mother all these years, it's time u call the shots. u don't hv to wait for him to make a choice, it's all up to u.
when things like this happen in a marriage, it's ironic cos kids don't usually come first most of the time.

tq, got what u mean. his explanation is he hope that i will forgive as he admit it. (haha, sounds funny?) to me, he is kind of entertaining me, n just nd me to stay on as a baby sitter only.

as per d lady, she is rich, n her hub seems like under her control n not making noise abt it (her hub call me b4)....useless...

i really dont know what to do... i think i may need legal advise in order to plan for my future (any advise?). I have quit my job since i got pg, stay home as a full time mum.. nvr know that hub is not truly appreciate... :mad:

[cherry]

Both of them has been together for more than 2 years, they started while i was pg (8 months). emm... she is married w 2 kids. they know each other from internet... :mad: ... they never meant to b together since the first day(do u think this is yaks?)

It reminds me of my father's first affair, my elder sister and myself was the only one in the family who sensed it. I could not do anything at that time since I just came out from university. The affair I think goes on more than 1 year and after a while they decide to call it quits. What I'm trying to say is that there would be a certain point in the relationship that they would a step further or just end it there. From the looks of it, it seemed that he's getting comfortable with the situation already because you know he's having the affair. Did you ask your husband how he's going to resolve the matter? or ask for him to choose? But the mandatory question is that you should ask yourself is whether you still love your husband? If you do, I think you should try to get your man back...


my hub is 20 yr old older than me, may b he find hard to communicate with me as there is a generation gap (otherwise i really dont know where my prob is) :o ...the lady tat he has is 15 years older than me.... *sob sob*...

Your husband might be having a mid life crisis at his age now.. Don't blame yourself on the communication because you wouldn't be married if you can't communicate with him in the first place (meaning he's the one with the problem). If the relationship is based on lust, I think it would be another around 5 years for her to go.


i feel so hurt... i really dont know what to do.... no family support from my side, they are far away in east malaysia, I dont want to make them worry too. i feel tat i being bullied. n they are really big bully. hub side family has make it clear tat they cant help me much as they affraid their relationship will "KOYAK!!", can u believe this?.... *sob sob*

shall i leave? or keep quite to stay or not

At this time, you really need your friends support and also need to get yourself back together. Its good that you want to take up yoga and it will keep you relax and clam. Get yourself in shape and do the things that you've been wanting to do like playing music instruments, dancing or home based business. Think long term... learn to be independant and plan for your son's future. I know its easy to say than doing it, but once you get the ball rolling you would never look back. Who know's your husband might change his mind when he sees a different side of you... ;)

[orchipalar]

Err...dear Court7:)...sorry to hear about your dilemma...

Please permit Orchi to ask this...is your marriage registered?

Have both of you...sat down calmly to know what each others' needs are at this point...?

or has yr hubby told you what he intends to do with yr marriage n family...? :)

[SunwayKid]

If I had known that there was a Dear Auntie thread in the Health section, I would have checked this thread everyday. :)

A forty-something man going after a forty-something woman and ignoring a Sweet Young thing like you who is barely thirty? The man must be blind or you must have let the kilos piled. Any female who tells you that physique does not matter probably hasn't met a male yet or prefer the same sex. :p

If you have no support here, I would suggest you packed your bags and go back EM, together with your son of course. A man may ignore his wife but will always have a soft spot for his child, especially one so young, expecially when the other partner already nearing menopause and unlikely to have another! Chances are he will come chasing after you. If he doesn't, at least you will know that he doesn't love you anymore.

That is my 2 cents worth from the other perspective. :)

[court7]

Err...dear Court7:)...sorry to hear about your dilemma...

Please permit Orchi to ask this...is your marriage registered?

Have both of you...sat down calmly to know what each others' needs are at this point...?

or has yr hubby told you what he intends to do with yr marriage n family...? :)

hallo orchi,

marriage registered. :(

has sat down calmly many times but i now feel tat its pointless to bring up d matter w him anymore as i think d prob is in himself.

he refuse to let me go out n work, or meet my friends. sometimes when i leave home alone at night to giant also i have to promis what time i must reach home... his reason is, subang jaya nowadays security is no good. :confused:

[court7]

Err...dear Court7:)...sorry to hear about your dilemma...

Please permit Orchi to ask this...is your marriage registered?

Have both of you...sat down calmly to know what each others' needs are at this point...?

or has yr hubby told you what he intends to do with yr marriage n family...? :)


marriange registered.

sat down calmly many times n i dont think it help anymore. i think probably his problem is with himself :( a fourty-something man give up a twenty-something wife at home, n go for a fourty-something women...emm... :confused: promised not to contact anymore, then i just forgive, forget abt it... after months or so... i discover d same thing again... huh.. tats mentally torture.

my hub does tell a lot w what he plan, and plan, and work for our marriage, our son,... family... but... see now, do you think he is sincere? or he not be able to control his desire? yoyoyo... :o or he is "jui gong LP song???" :rolleyes: does all man behave like this? or await for their wife to discover?

i feel so much better since i have post my msg here, at least i know i'm not alone.... thanks all who has cheer me up... :p thank u all.

n to sunwaykid! : i dont have a model body, but i'm confident on myself, i used to have lemak-lemak piled up on me, its during my pg. i'm small size, 5 ft 2' weight 45kg only!!! :cool: :D why me treat me this way ohhhh...

[cherry]

If you don't mind me asking this personal question, how's your sex life? If you don't wanna answer its ok. Have you ever talk to your husband whether he is happy with the marriage or not? what were the reasons that he married with you?

[Ski]

Hello

In spite of your problem you seem to find some happiness partaking in this forum. I hope some of us would relieve you of the anguish you are going through

Btw i assume you are residing in USj..your IP61 is unusual though.

Cheerz

[court7]

Hello

In spite of your problem you seem to find some happiness partaking in this forum. I hope some of us would relive you of the anguish you are going through

Btw i assume you are residing in USj..your IP61 is unusual though.

Cheerz

hi ski,

yeah, i used to stay at usj 14, residential house in front of court 7. recently has move to puchong. :)

[fatslab]

hello girl!

U mean to say after all that u've been thru with him, u're still sitting around nothing has been done? where the heck is your man??
U say u guys have trashed out n let the beans spilled but what has he decided to do?

Did he say 'don't worry babe i'm gonna shove her..?'. or was it 'i don't wanna lose u but u gotta gimme a year to settle this'....????

If it's true to what u say about him controlling your life and so on, it's time u take control and decide for YOURSELF and kid. Pack ur bags n kid (if u hv laptop or PC pack it too!) so u can still hang out with us on this forum ma! surely u hv a relative or friend or else can check into a hotel, just for a couple of days to show him u mean business.

If u decide not to pack ur bags, kid n pc, have a final decide-or-me-n-kid-gone-bye-bye kinda talk by today!! Love waits but this is everything else in between man!

If not i suspect ur problem will never be solved, your man outside with whoever n u mopping around at home. U r still young, every minute counts. U can start over again, not easy but don't try dont know ma! think ur man has forgotten he's at his age, should hv counted his lucky stars that his young wife has not run off with a hunky young man!

But anyway,u know what they say, the more the merrier so your man could be enjoying the best of the merrier now! It doesnt matter if the other woman is old, young, ugly or delicious, it could hv been any other woman again for that matter! so how now brown cow? ;)

[Ski]

Hello again.
My only advise to you is to pack your bag and go and live with your parents. Afterall you are still young and your parents love for you and you are still their little girl..If your husband cares he will come looking for you and your son. Take one step at a time.

Bye.

[court7]

hello girl!

U mean to say after all that u've been thru with him, u're still sitting around nothing has been done? where the heck is your man??
U say u guys have trashed out n let the beans spilled but what has he decided to do?

Did he say 'don't worry babe i'm gonna shove her..?'. or was it 'i don't wanna lose u but u gotta gimme a year to settle this'....????

If it's true to what u say about him controlling your life and so on, it's time u take control and decide for YOURSELF and kid. Pack ur bags n kid (if u hv laptop or PC pack it too!) so u can still hang out with us on this forum ma! surely u hv a relative or friend or else can check into a hotel, just for a couple of days to show him u mean business.

If u decide not to pack ur bags, kid n pc, have a final decide-or-me-n-kid-gone-bye-bye kinda talk by today!! Love waits but this is everything else in between man!

If not i suspect ur problem will never be solved, your man outside with whoever n u mopping around at home. U r still young, every minute counts. U can start over again, not easy but don't try dont know ma! think ur man has forgotten he's at his age, should hv counted his lucky stars that his young wife has not run off with a hunky young man!

But anyway,u know what they say, the more the merrier so your man could be enjoying the best of the merrier now! It doesnt matter if the other woman is old, young, ugly or delicious, it could hv been any other woman again for that matter! so how now brown cow? ;)

tats easy to pack my bag, but kids bag n pc is heavy my dear ;) ... i affraid i will pack to go, n pack to come back again. i prefer to pack one time n no U turn :mad: ... so far i still can give in... but its going to reach my limit. n why should i get this kind of torture from both of them.

2nd ly I do have to responsible on my action n words, words cannot be taken back. i dont know how to make my parents aware of this... they sure get very sad n worry about me. so, if i make d move, it will be no return. ;)

what cherry says v true... learn to b independent... but may b by d time he c different side of me, already late :rolleyes:

[mon]

See, so many of us think it's better for u to decide for yourself now. Do something don't sit at home waiting for the next bomb to explode. Take a break go live with your parents for a while as Ski has suggested. Your parents will understand, they hv gone thru life themselves. It would sadden them more if their daughter goes crazy being alone..if it's not for long, at least for a couple of weeks to:

Show him WHO"S THE BOSS!!

but do keep us updated, we girls (n guys??) quite KPC (i mean Kurious plus caring..) one, but frankly I hope all bad things will come to happy ending for u..

[court7]

See, so many of us think it's better for u to decide for yourself now. Do something don't sit at home waiting for the next bomb to explode. Take a break go live with your parents for a while as Ski has suggested. Your parents will understand, they hv gone thru life themselves. It would sadden them more if their daughter goes crazy being alone..if it's not for long, at least for a couple of weeks to:

Show him WHO"S THE BOSS!!

but do keep us updated, we girls (n guys??) quite KPC (i mean Kurious plus caring..) one, but frankly I hope all bad things will come to happy ending for u..

i hope too...

i know if i continue to stay on like this... i will definitely gone crazy. :confused:

thanks for all support! *hugzzz huggzzz* :)

[cherry]

I wouldn't wanna encourage you to pack your bags so soon because that would be your last resort unless you are a battered wife. It might be the right thing to do at the moment but it doesn't really solve your problems. For me, its like getting away from it rather than dealing with it. If your parents knows about this definitely they would ask you go back. I may not be the exact person to give you advise since I'm not married myself but I'm sure that there are things that you can compromise with your husband... You might think I'm traditional but marriage to me is a sacred thing that I would not just give up like that. That why you make that vow 'for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.'

I hope you all the best with the decission that you would be making.

[SunwayKid]

....................That why you make that vow 'for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.'
......................

That vow only in church weddings lah, other religion... ah mah, yum cha, ah pa, yum cha.........like that only and sign on some piece of paper earlier.

What I can see so far is that, males, being man, will ask you to pack your bags and leave. Females, being more emotional, will ask you to be strong, talk to him, look at all angles.......my dear, by the time you do all that, you already forty something also. You give chance after chance, of course, man being man, will take lah.

Nobody suggest one way street - just time out, go back home for a holiday, see things in a better light and if he still got blood in his brain, he will come. Otherwise, he will use it all with the other woman.

[court7]

That vow only in church weddings lah, other religion... ah mah, yum cha, ah pa, yum cha.........like that only and sign on some piece of paper earlier.

What I can see so far is that, males, being man, will ask you to pack your bags and leave. Females, being more emotional, will ask you to be strong, talk to him, look at all angles.......my dear, by the time you do all that, you already forty something also. You give chance after chance, of course, man being man, will take lah.

Nobody suggest one way street - just time out, go back home for a holiday, see things in a better light and if he still got blood in his brain, he will come. Otherwise, he will use it all with the other woman.

so sunwaykid, u must me a male huh?! ... :D

[orchipalar]

Hello
In spite of your problem you seem to find some happiness partaking in this forum. I hope some of us would relieve you of the anguish you are going through
Btw i assume you are residing in USj..your IP61 is unusual though.
Cheerz

Err...it could be due to dial ups lar...:)

Ahem...Court7:)...folks are generally right when they say...ya ought to take charge of your life from now...err...for the first time...

A marriage vow is supposed to be sacredly for life...err...however the couple need to take charge of it together...

Err...should the partnership fails in anyway...n should it even be irreversible...ahem...a split up may NOT necessary be the only answer...until all sincere n genuine efforts by both the partners are expensed... :(

Ahem...please permit Orchi again to assume n ask that...though your marriage life is very much still young...now with this problem...would you still love him...while further hope to remain married to him...? :)

[SunwayKid]

so sunwaykid, u must me a male huh?! ... :D

No lah, I am just a kid, still haven't reach adolescent age yet. Write from what I read, see and hear - not from experience, ok! :)

[fatslab]

..and one more question, is your man rich? since u've been a stay-home wife all these years, hv u worked or hv any savings for yourself?

[court7]

Ahem...please permit Orchi again to assume n ask that...though your marriage life is very much still young...now with this problem...would you still love him...while further hope to remain married to him...? :)[/QUOTE]

i used to keep telling myself, stay on... thing will turn out well... but disappointment for times... emm.. shall i say i begin to give up hope n initiative.. :mad:

orchi, let me hav it ovr again, i do love him, but... too much from him... i will not choose to married him, as a bf only may be? cause i think all mens like 'fresh' things. lol.

i get fed up now with them, many ppl telling me dont blame that women, dont blame yourself, its d men!but i think if d women is not "jin", she wouldnt turn out to be with him... n having this kind of relationship. :( my only feeling towards him : taking me for granted... :(

i do understand tat 'kar kar yao bun nan nim dek geng' (every family got their own prob)... but, i guess i have reach d stage of... emm... having enough torture n i have tried my very best... to give in.

i recently begin to think like what u guys saying, im young, i shouldnt sit ter continue to think only... by d time i hav d confirm answer for myself i may b 40 yr old already...sigh.... :confused: :confused: :confused: too late for myself to start ovr.

i remember while i was around 10 year old, my parents did hav a big fight ovr my dad's affair. i was so young n always tell my mum to divorce w my dad as d situation has been really bad, my dad even bring d women around like nobody biz, its a small town n everybody knew it. as per my mum, she kept quite all d time, being so positive and telling us, no matter what he did, he is your dad.... she is so generous... after years, their relationship turn out to be better n better... is tat d way after marriage?! all wives got to keep quite and silent in order to have a long run?

to leave d home here and go bck my parents side for holiday... i have done it many time... especially last year, i have gone back ter no less than 3 times in 1 year. he will visit us, every weekend... from what i see, he miss his son. lol... tats all. each of my visit to my parents i will stay for more than 1 month, my parents never suspect me, as he visit regularly... know what, everytime after my hometown visit, i sure discover something again... sigh... really sad. :(

i feel lucky tat, i'm a happy person, i always smile and laugh, even i'm not happy and having d most worst day. to me, no one can stop my smile and laughter, as tats my choice to b happy. :)

[court7]

..and one more question, is your man rich? since u've been a stay-home wife all these years, hv u worked or hv any savings for yourself?

not to say is rich, but comfortable, hey, come on, he has been working for more than 20 year, just spend on 1 child... what is tat cause him in financially trouble? lol.. ;)

im not working since year 2002, i never demand any 'ka yong' from him, as he has lots of investment ovr biz, house, vehicles... he is bad in financial planning, but he like to spend money on properties investment, i do pity him sometimes tat he can't afford to pay. i nvr demand it, as i think im not starving... i can buy things from giant by his credit card. friends has been telling me tat im stupid not getting 'ka yong' from him. so, by year 2004, only i start discuss with him, (may b i discover their relationship, he wants to make me happy). he only start paying me regularly and consistent by this year. only 10% of his income. better than nothing? :)

[fatslab]

not to say is rich, but comfortable, hey, come on, he has been working for more than 20 year, just spend on 1 child... what is tat cause him in financially trouble? lol.. ;)

im not working since year 2002, i never demand any 'ka yong' from him, as he has lots of investment ovr biz, house, vehicles... he is bad in financial planning, but he like to spend money on properties investment, i do pity him sometimes tat he can't afford to pay. i nvr demand it, as i think im not starving... i can buy things from giant by his credit card. friends has been telling me tat im stupid not getting 'ka yong' from him. so, by year 2004, only i start discuss with him, (may b i discover their relationship, he wants to make me happy). he only start paying me regularly and consistent by this year. only 10% of his income. better than nothing? :)

Sorry but I think I'm not in the position to suggest anything anymore at this point. U have said it all, good luck in whatever u decide to do.

[Chermaine]

tats easy to pack my bag, but kids bag n pc is heavy my dear ;) ... i affraid i will pack to go, n pack to come back again. i prefer to pack one time n no U turn :mad: ... so far i still can give in... but its going to reach my limit. n why should i get this kind of torture from both of them.:

Yes, you are right! Now you must decide what you want only action. Otherwise you would come back again with your kid and pc. If you think reach your limit, try to talk to someone like counsellor!

[/QUOTE]2nd ly I do have to responsible on my action n words, words cannot be taken back. i dont know how to make my parents aware of this... they sure get very sad n worry about me. so, if i make d move, it will be no return. ;) [/QUOTE]

As for parents, they would always be there to support you! I don't just simply say it. I, myself are facing some problem and has been years. And always the last persons I want to hurt and make them worry are my parents. So I always covered things up! But paper can never wrap the fire! One day something BIG happened and my mom got to know! Still I was worrying that she would be sad and worry about me! True she is sad! but she is stronger then I can imagine and very supportive! U know what happened after my mom gets to know my problem? She told me what's the big deal. The most......see! At this point as the parents would not blame the kid but only SUPPORT! And now I feel so relieve...and can make my own decision! Like many others had said YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE DECISION! and is easier to make the decision when your parents are aware of your problem!


what cherry says v true... learn to b independent... but may b by d time he c different side of me, already late :rolleyes:[/QUOTE]

Yes, must be independent! Thank god financially I am independent. And now am learning to be independent on others thing like 1st I learned how to drive and got my license, I have joined my yoga class to kill my time. And even now looking for a place to stay on my own!

[court7]

thanks....

do appreciate all replies...

[cactuc1]

Befrienders KL
24 hours Befriending Hotlines : 603-79568144/5 "i hope this is the correct no."
http://www.befrienders.org.my/

Women Aid Organization...legal advice..face to face counselling..refuge
03-7956 3488 / 03-7955 4426
http://www.wao.org.my/services.htm

hope the contact no. are update since some of these website are old..

I guess the idea is to get help if needed..Talk to trained councilors and see your options and of the legal aspect as well...Talking is nice.Keep talking.

I guess yellow pages and certain newspaper will have more telephone numbers u can contact..