Almighty
13-06-2005, 02:38 PM
Dear Godfather/Big Mamma, HAVING BEEN BORN and bred in Malaysia, I have been a law-abiding loyal citizen. I had never asked for subsidies or handouts, and even as I worked as a night porter and washed dishes in a hotel in London to complete my university education. I had never asked nor received a copper coin.
I am reliably told that you have the power or at least, some influence to create instant millionaires.
I don't want all the money for myself. I can throw a couple (I mean millions) here and there during party or general elections to ensure that you remain in office and in power.
I am not asking for hard cash. A few phone calls and your dhobi mark on a few documents can set me going on this short journey.
Here's my wish-list. Hope you will help:
· From what I have gathered, 66,000 Approved Permits (APs) were issued for the import of cars last year. A simple calculation will show that this means an average of 5,500 APs are issued every month. I am not asking for too many * just five APs each month. I am told that each can fetch at least RM10,000.
Five will suffice compared to some getting as many as 500! My guess is that annu al ly, collectively, some individuals are reaping as much as RM660 million.
Phew! That's not bad too for people who do nothing but play golf and rub shoulders with the rich and famous, shake legs and collect their fat cheques each time an AP is disposed. Sometimes, even payment in advance is made.
As for me, RM50,000 will form the base, (some weekend rojak money) to move in the right circles.
While the poor farmer toils in his field which would on the average yield him RM20 a day, he will realise his classmate from the kampung school is well connected and has been rewarded with instant cash.
· I have also been told that if one has an idea to make money, one can talk to you and your friends and that you can make it happen. You have the Midas touch.
I want the contract to supply security labels, duty stamps or holograms (or whatever you call it) to the soft drink industry.
The plan is that you make it mandatory for all bottles and cans to carry these stickers. I can get them for less than two sen each and if you can compel the industry to use these stickers, guess how much I would end up with?
Working on the average of 100 million bottles/cans a month at a profit of 10 sen, you can calculate how much I can make.
Of course the industry will complain of incurring higher costs. Why worry? Just tell them to pass the costs to the con sumer and knowing our apathetic people, there won't be any problems.
Yes, there will be muckrakers like the fellow who writes in theSun, but ignore him and the whole thing will die off after a few days.
· Let me be honest. I know nuts about construction but there are four people in the family who have Class "F" licences. Just give us a handful of jobs and we will be on our way.
I did say that I know nothing about construction, but you have nothing to worry. I will "sell" the contract to the towkay and he will do the rest.
Besides making a tidy profit, I will get the towkay to make me the chairman of his company (with allowances) and also give me a chauffeur-driven Mercedes.
Please, don't give me the grasscutting or beautification contracts, because they are hard to "sell".
Perhaps, a construction or refurbishment contract for one of the bigger complexes.
You may want to argue that for such projects, I would need a Class "A" licence. Don't worry, I can pajak the licence, too.
In any case, even if I don't complete the job, make sure payment is made.
If I abandon the project, the Public Works Department can use taxpayers' money to take over and complete the job and I will never get penalised.
· I have set up a few RM2 companies. One of them is an advertising agency. Why don't you issue a directive to all government departments and agencies that they will have to use my agency?
At the moment, each ministry and department has its own agency and each project portrays the gover nment in different perspectives.
We need to get across the "collective message". Hence, the need for a central agency or a master agency which will undertake production of posters, billboards, print advertising and television commercials.
Besides, I can also create a media specialist agency, which would be responsible for booking space, airtime, etc.
I know this agency will only get 15% as commission, but I am sure there are "other ways" to enhance its coffers.
For example, the bill for creative services can be inflated. The charges can never be challenged. If lawyers could charge Perwaja RM6 million for legal services, why can't an ad agency charge RM6 million for creative input?
Thank you so much. I have been careful in not asking for the sky. Four simple requests will put me in a different class.
If you fear that there'll be talk about how you helped create an instant millionaire, don't worry. There are hundreds of them around. There will always be some gossip but just close your ears to such talk.
Those who did not get help will always complain. Call them sour grapes and together, we would have enough to last the next seven generations. PS: There may be copycats. These are my original ideas and as they say, the early bird catches the worm. On record, I am first in line.
But do not dismiss the possibility of someone in your office hijacking these "projects" and selling the ideas to the highest bidder. It has happened before.
Until then, I remain, your loyal Malaysian servant.
No Punches Pulled By R.NADESWARAN
EMAIL
citizen-nades@thesundaily.com
11/6/2005 TheSun ePaper
I am reliably told that you have the power or at least, some influence to create instant millionaires.
I don't want all the money for myself. I can throw a couple (I mean millions) here and there during party or general elections to ensure that you remain in office and in power.
I am not asking for hard cash. A few phone calls and your dhobi mark on a few documents can set me going on this short journey.
Here's my wish-list. Hope you will help:
· From what I have gathered, 66,000 Approved Permits (APs) were issued for the import of cars last year. A simple calculation will show that this means an average of 5,500 APs are issued every month. I am not asking for too many * just five APs each month. I am told that each can fetch at least RM10,000.
Five will suffice compared to some getting as many as 500! My guess is that annu al ly, collectively, some individuals are reaping as much as RM660 million.
Phew! That's not bad too for people who do nothing but play golf and rub shoulders with the rich and famous, shake legs and collect their fat cheques each time an AP is disposed. Sometimes, even payment in advance is made.
As for me, RM50,000 will form the base, (some weekend rojak money) to move in the right circles.
While the poor farmer toils in his field which would on the average yield him RM20 a day, he will realise his classmate from the kampung school is well connected and has been rewarded with instant cash.
· I have also been told that if one has an idea to make money, one can talk to you and your friends and that you can make it happen. You have the Midas touch.
I want the contract to supply security labels, duty stamps or holograms (or whatever you call it) to the soft drink industry.
The plan is that you make it mandatory for all bottles and cans to carry these stickers. I can get them for less than two sen each and if you can compel the industry to use these stickers, guess how much I would end up with?
Working on the average of 100 million bottles/cans a month at a profit of 10 sen, you can calculate how much I can make.
Of course the industry will complain of incurring higher costs. Why worry? Just tell them to pass the costs to the con sumer and knowing our apathetic people, there won't be any problems.
Yes, there will be muckrakers like the fellow who writes in theSun, but ignore him and the whole thing will die off after a few days.
· Let me be honest. I know nuts about construction but there are four people in the family who have Class "F" licences. Just give us a handful of jobs and we will be on our way.
I did say that I know nothing about construction, but you have nothing to worry. I will "sell" the contract to the towkay and he will do the rest.
Besides making a tidy profit, I will get the towkay to make me the chairman of his company (with allowances) and also give me a chauffeur-driven Mercedes.
Please, don't give me the grasscutting or beautification contracts, because they are hard to "sell".
Perhaps, a construction or refurbishment contract for one of the bigger complexes.
You may want to argue that for such projects, I would need a Class "A" licence. Don't worry, I can pajak the licence, too.
In any case, even if I don't complete the job, make sure payment is made.
If I abandon the project, the Public Works Department can use taxpayers' money to take over and complete the job and I will never get penalised.
· I have set up a few RM2 companies. One of them is an advertising agency. Why don't you issue a directive to all government departments and agencies that they will have to use my agency?
At the moment, each ministry and department has its own agency and each project portrays the gover nment in different perspectives.
We need to get across the "collective message". Hence, the need for a central agency or a master agency which will undertake production of posters, billboards, print advertising and television commercials.
Besides, I can also create a media specialist agency, which would be responsible for booking space, airtime, etc.
I know this agency will only get 15% as commission, but I am sure there are "other ways" to enhance its coffers.
For example, the bill for creative services can be inflated. The charges can never be challenged. If lawyers could charge Perwaja RM6 million for legal services, why can't an ad agency charge RM6 million for creative input?
Thank you so much. I have been careful in not asking for the sky. Four simple requests will put me in a different class.
If you fear that there'll be talk about how you helped create an instant millionaire, don't worry. There are hundreds of them around. There will always be some gossip but just close your ears to such talk.
Those who did not get help will always complain. Call them sour grapes and together, we would have enough to last the next seven generations. PS: There may be copycats. These are my original ideas and as they say, the early bird catches the worm. On record, I am first in line.
But do not dismiss the possibility of someone in your office hijacking these "projects" and selling the ideas to the highest bidder. It has happened before.
Until then, I remain, your loyal Malaysian servant.
No Punches Pulled By R.NADESWARAN
citizen-nades@thesundaily.com
11/6/2005 TheSun ePaper