how safe is your baby?

[uchangeng]

The Star 26/10/04. Indon maid was caught on camera abusing a two months old baby. The maid was seen kissing the baby excessively believing that her saliva will charm the baby into listening to her every command.

All working mothers, how safe is your baby at home with your maid? Do u ask yourself this each day before you leave your baby to the care of your Indon. maid? I ask this question because I know there are thousands of babies out there who might be sufferring the same fate today, at this moment while I am writing this post, abused by their Indon. maids.

The damage can be fatal in the worst case or it may inflict a permanant damage that mars your childs's life in the later year!

[Pets=Friends]

In view of this, what is a woman to do. Not many can survive on single income basis, not if there's so many loans to repay. Education nowadays is also not cheap. What if the wife earns more than the husband, can the husband stay home and take care of the kids. Why can't our employers provide day care.

[balitan]

every individual will look at it differently

many hantar their kids to someone to jaga, bas sekolah pick them up from there, parents pick up after school , etc.......... many cara lah .....

guess it is up to each and everyone .......

but at the end of the day ..... make sure that things are OK

ideally, ( i am not chauvinistic) mum should jaga anak.....
bapa cari wang ......... if bapa 's income sufficient ....... live within our
means lah ........

[Mason]

Balitan..totally agreed. You're just being practical but of course ppl can't accept changes in life.

[orchipalar]

Err...Orchi begs to disagree on certain points in here...especially with the high possibility of 'Indon Maids'...abusing the babies under their cares....

Err...parents are known to be the worst abusers of their own babies or...of someone elses under their temporary cares.... :(

Err...Orchi has 2 juniors...they have been brought up by INDON Maids..never once has either one of us parents...noticed anything amiss with our INDON maids' ways of tending to our juniors....NEVER!...was there any prior aggressions also....NEVER! :(

Ahem...the only setback Orchi realises now...is the fact that our juniors have always been overly pampered...by our past n present INDON Maids...yet they are NOT to be BLAMED...err... :o

[KelvC]

I was never brought up by any maid, hence I nothing much to add in here. However, I was cared by my maternal aunt during the day time while mom and dad brings me, bros and dough back home later in the evening.

Those days it was normal to stay in day care centres or relatives, however for these days time has changed.

My 2cents.

[uchangeng]

Bottom line is, with so many abuse cases we read almost everyday in the papers, do u trust your baby to the care of someone else? related or otherwise. I don't.

Should we have a day-care centre at our work place ?

My mother in law came to my house last weekend and was hurried to go back on Sunday. I asked why and she said she had to care for her other grandson. The child, a 6 year-old, had become so thin after just 6 months he was left in the care of an Indon maid at home. I was alarmed and tempted to ask whether she saw any sign of abuse. However, the maid had since left 2 months ago and now the boy was in her care.

I am sure we all agree that taking care of our young is the top priority. If this also means the family has to survive on a single income, so be it. The welfare of the baby is more important! So, husband or the wife should stay home? It depends on who make more or potentially will make more.

Would you, husband, stays home if the choice has to be made today?

[orchipalar]

Err..is life about sacrifices?...when both parents work for living...make or break or merely just for survival...inevitably quality time with kids or for the husband n wifey thingy...is sacrificed...If either one of them works..the other jaga anak2...as compared with being able to be co-productive n contribute to family's additional income...when either one of them stops...that's also a sacrifice...with considerable risks later...should the main bread winner is out of commission...even for a short while :o

So...er...to strike a balance between...having both at work..n yet be able to adequately provide for their kids...is never a clear n easy task.. :o

Then again...there are parents who could have either one working from homes...both still generating comfortable n steady incomes...yet also have the right amount of time spend with their kids....hmmm...how nice :)

[ginaphan]

I take offense on the way this is being discussed. Infact, this is not new. Similar threads have been debated to a point of members taking things to a personal level.

Some of the posts here are simplistic and insensitive. Most assume that if the family hires an Indon maid, the parents are therefore irresponsible ppl who are too engrossed in the rat race to commit to the children. And that working mothers are therefore not good mothers. Please!

Some of you have the luxury (yes, luxury) of not having to rely on maids. Not all of us are that lucky. And don't assume you know how other ppl spend their money.

Anyone researched how much day care centres costs? If you have 4 kids, it arithmetic is easy. Hiring a maid is actually more economical. The time spent ferrying the different kids to the centre and to their other activities - and you wonder why working parents have no quality time with the kids.

Day care centres - my friend's son (5 month old) was hit in the face. My daughter's teacher - her son died of suffocation in a day care centre.

Don't get all judgemental, guys. if anyone wants to help us for the sake of our kids' safety, say "Aye" here and now.

[Pets=Friends]

There there...no one is pointing fingers or taking sides. We are only discussing the pros and cons of leaving our kids with Indon maids. At the end of the day, who are we to judge what other do or don't do.

A few suggestions:

1. Find a supervisor for the Indon maid
My cousin sends her son and maid to her parents house every morning. My aunt watches over and make sure that there's no hanky panky. My cousin picks them up after work.

2. Earn a post grad degree and become a full/part time lecturer.
With so many private colleges/uni mushrooming around, it's really not that hard to find a lecturing post. The hours are flexible and you can bring your kids to work.

[saml]

There is always a risk when one brings in a maid wherever they may be from. One cannot be sure how stable emotionally these people and if it is the first time away from their family it is even worst. They are homesick and if they have children, they would long to see or even talk to their children. It does not make for a very stable person who would be entrusted with looking after your children. Someone should be around to supervise them at least until they are settled down and if one is satisfied, then maybe they can be left alone with the child. For me, they should only be left with children who can talk. At least if there are any cases of abuse, the children can tell. Sometimes it is priorities. Admittedly it would be ideal if one parent can stay home and look after the child/children but if that is not possible then there should at least be an attempt at a short term supervision to comfort oneself that the maid is a good maid. Also I believe that one should treat maids as part of your family. They should eat what you eat and if you treat them as a human being, they will respond as a human being.

A lot of times i hear ' I treat them so well but they still do that to me" Most of them are hippocrites. I have seen maids being taken to 5 star hotels for buffets and the maid gets to eat first. One of the parent looks after the child and when the maid has eaten, the child runs to the maid happily. Those may be the exception but i still believe that a human will respond to kindness.

[orchipalar]

Err...SamL :) ...very positive thinking...Orchi can dig this kind of thoughts n plant it on the head...thank you...n yes you are absolutely right...a little kindness goes a long long way..... :)

[balitan]

oh, oh,

things are really hot , this is discussion time, each to their choices,

have we also considered the health status of the maid ?

sudah ada sijil kesihatan sah ??

do u believe it ??

many legal migrant workers have TB, filariasis, STD , sexually transmitted diseases, ..... all have sijil you know ,

what about the maid who is going to kiss your kid ????

i am not anti maid , had one when my kid was born .........

[uchangeng]

It is a difficult situation to deal with. No doubt about it. Ultimately, the safety of the baby should be the top priority, no compromise.

I must admit, I am emotionally charged when it comes to baby, even as a man. But, please be sure that your baby is safe in the arms of someone you engage as maid.

In fact, one should not even leave the new bornt baby to the mother too. Someone must be around to supervise. The mother may suffer from post-delivery depression and can hurt the baby.

Currently, one of the national labor union is mooting the idea of longer maternity leave for working mothers and the government is encouraging private sectors to provide baby day care centre as well. I think these are two proactive steps the government and the private sectors could do to tackle the problem.

[Quarterback]

Let me share my experiences on the above topic :-

Initially, we want to get an Indonesian maid for our baby. However, we have had heard so much story about abuses by Indonesian maid to the baby. We were taken aback by these stories. Some of the stories are as follows :-
1. maid sleeping until 12 pm and doesn't even care about the baby even the baby is crying.
2. Maid hit or slap the baby when the baby is crying.
3. Maid put "air liur" into baby's food.
The most common are :-
4. Maid runs away with baby.
5. Maid doesn't even care with what's going on with the baby..the baby become pampered.

Now, of course we have had witness some excellent Maid who really take cares of the baby. But we decided against it because we did not want to take the risk amid uncertainties.

We put our baby (nowclose to 2 yrs already...one more coming next march) in maternal aunt 24 hours a day..take back weekend. When we choose the maternal aunt, we consider his family(baby got many people to play with...not boring with one person lar), cleanliness, experience and etc.
Again, there are good and bad maternal aunt; I think we put and chose more than 10 maternal aunt. Thank good this maternal mum is ok.

So our plan is to get a maid when our baby become understanding and know the differences in things. I think kindergarden or primary school lar.

In our case, it's not about money. Not about maid tending our baby and do house's chores. We think it's about safety, trust the maternal mum, trust her experiences on what to do in emergency, know how to react during accidents, know how to provide care lar.

For those who have maid, I wish to advise you a strong point.

DO NOT TREAT YOUR MAID LIKE ****. OR ELSE YOUR KIDS WILL END UP EATING ****. I always pity those maid who goes out with family on the weekend and while the family enjoy big feast..the maid watching only(makan balik rumah). very chit tor!

[uchangeng]

I guess it is about paternal instinct that i do not trust anyone with my baby. the baby can not tell u if he is abused. so don't take chances with your baby's life.

you can trust your baby to your parents who are the paternal grandparents of your baby. in this respect, i would say that, for the newly wed, parental supports is important, allow your parents to help out but without burdening them too much, both financially and physically. they may be old, but i am sure they help supervise, watch over your baby with the help of the maid when u r out there working for a living. Putting up a camera is another good idea to keep you watching.

on the subject of not treating your maid like sh!t, i agree 100%. why should one treat another human like that? r we not equal before God? or just because u r paying someone to do a job, u hv to make sure u make the max use of her service?

in one of my previous post here, i did mention one thing that, often, i could see maids wake up 6 am to wash the master two cars before the husband and wife go to work in their shinning vehicles. not sure what time the maids get to go to bed.

in conclusion, i do not engage a full time maid. i have a part timer who comes twice a week and i pay her as she comes. safety? yes, i do care for safety. my wife will always make sure the same maid comes and she is closely supervised.

[Quarterback]

for the newly wed, parental supports is important, allow your parents to help out but without burdening them too much, both financially and physically.
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Agree!

For those with first child, you do not know what is going on at all. But after sometime, you will get it.


I guess it is about paternal instinct that i do not trust anyone with my baby. the baby can not tell u if he is abused. so don't take chances with your baby's life.
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This is exactly why our baby are dangerous for exposed.

Something happen, the maid take a ferry to medan liao. bye bye.

NO RESPONSIBILITY.

[wildbill]

My suggestion for the family have no one at home beside the maid and the baby to install a internet cybercam at home. You can log-in to internet anytime to view your house in live mode. Install one in living room or baby room. Or save the view in the pc harddisk.

Please inform your maid when you install one for the purpose. Ethical reason.

As in USJ, you already have broadband to get it started, the next thing is a pc and internet cybercam h/w and s/w.

You can ask any PC dealer for the solution. The cybercam h/w and s/w will cost not more than RM300.

Hope this will help.

Malaysia Bolih. Bolih or tak Bolih is up to us.

[euro_usj]

"...Those may be the exception but i still believe that a human will respond to kindness." quote saml.

Sure there are exceptions. I've had Philipina maids who were highly qualified (one had Master degree), intelligent, who came to work with all the prejudices against employers, schemes to out-smart employers. One pinched our kid, another went out “networking” and shopping with our baby when we were at work…no amount of kindness could have moved them…but nice Christmas gifts would help make them nicer to you.

I’ve also had an excellent baby-caring Indonesian maid, but she used to see “things” at night and she refused to wash my car when it was parked under any tree (tree has spirit?), and at times screamed in fright in the mid of night…. For her, kindness helped but wouldn’t cure.

Well, it is your life, and life does not come with an instruction manual. Decide how you want to live and what risks you’ re willing to take on your own and your kids’ lives. But be aware that maids are from a different (living) world, what’s right/wrong to them may not be what’s right/wrong to you, their minds are conditioned differently from yours. If you can take that, get one. If you can’t, don’t.

[uchangeng]

euro-usj.
good post. your life is your own to decide. but, don't fall, ultimately, you r responsible for the little life your help bringing into this world. until he is grown enough to defend himself against any form of agression or abuse, u r to be 100% responsible for his life!

maid who see thing at night. hello, this is call nightmare. the maid may have survived a massacre somewhere in indonesia and live to be your maid. or worse, she might have been involved in something horrible, like being abused herself or live thru. atrocities in her childhood life. anything can happen, you r just not sure what u have brought into ur househole until u find out the hard way.

medical screening by the medical profession? i have doubt. the company who monopolises the screening has politcal connection that makes it so untrustworthy.

sickness? the maid probably has serious worm infection so bad that you have to have her sh!t in another toilet of her own when u give her deworming drug. try this out today and see what happen. i am scare of worm!

but of all the sickness, i believe the psychological sickness is hardest to handle.

[Pets=Friends]

I think what euro-usj meant with "seeing thing" is that some people are prone to seeing spirits or "orang bunian". I had a class mate in secondary school who was always hysterical - screaming and crying. She claims to be possessed by a spirit. Somehow or rather, without prejudice, things like this always happens to girls of Malay descent.

How much is the rate for maternal aunts nowadays?

[uchangeng]

A baby was saved from drug over dose in a nick of time by the mother. The indon. maid disappeared.

You read head line like this last week in the local dailies. Does that ring a bell in you?

Do you seriously believe you can leave your totally defenceless baby to be cared for by an indon maid whom you pay rm400 a month? never mind you treat her like your own.

years back we read about malaysian run child care centers that feed babies with sleeping drugs. the babies slept the entire day, woke up just in time for the parents to pick up.

then we read about close relatives who feed the baby food that they spitted out of their mouth before given it to the babies.

at the end of the day, my friends, it is you who can guarantee 100% paternal care for your babies, no one elase can even you pay big money.

[Quarterback]

My only advise?

Don't skim or look for cheap option. You might endangered your baby with cheap stuff. I mean don't expect your maid to take care of your baby, do "all" house chores, wash car lar and etc. If you really do found a good one. You are very lucky!

I do think if you pay slightly more for better and reasonable maid/paternal mother, percentage are higher that your baby is in good care. The savings are not justified with extra problems comes with it.

Good luck guys and ladies.