Pre-Marital Sex and Malaysian Culture. Part II

[jeffooi]

<font size="+1">Pre-Marital Sex and Malaysian Culture</font>
is getting lengthy by pagination. Part One has been closed,
but the archive can be viewed here:

http://www.usj.com.my/bulletin/upload/showthread.php?s=&threadid=4138

You may like continue the discussion on this thread "Pre-Marital
Sex and Malaysian Culture. Part II", thereafter.

Jeff Ooi
Administrator.

[empress_julz]

inertia....

sorry i failed to address your post in the previous thread.

abandoning babies is not a major concern where pre-marital sex is an issue, because a lot of married mother's do it - forced by their husbands by cultures that subjugate women. in india for instance, it is the mother's "duty" to suffocate the baby if it turns out to be a girl. or they just leave the girl by the ditch. it's the same story in china, though these days a lot of couples opt for abortions instead.

how do you stop it from happening? sex with responsibility. marriage does not solve these problems. two people can get married but they can have no brains and heart. and with the rate of divorce these days, marriage is merely a social contract for the benefit of people to see. the commitment between two people need not be for public display.... it can come from within and mean a lot more than two people who've tied a not at the sheraton (or any such hotel)

///ej

[Cool Hand Luke]

Jsu - Is there a need to delete your earlier proclaimation? No. They have been posted for all the read and you have done what you set out to do. To delete them now? And make me into the Devil's Advocate? Na....

[dr_luv]

According to the Durex Survey on Pre-Marital Sex (2002): Asia

Malaysian appear to have the most pre-marital sex at 132 times a year, with the Singaporeans close behind at 96 times a year, the Thai at 121, and the Indonesia at 115.

The countries with the lowest frequency of sex after marriage are Japan (37 times per), Malaysia (62) and China (69).

Couples living together report having sex 186 times per year. (Pre-marital sex)

Married couples make love 98 times per year.

Single folks are having sex the least at 49 times a year.

57% say they have sex at least once per week.

"People around the world would rather go out with their friends than have sex. More than a fifth (22%) choose their peers rather than having sex with a partner (19%), while a further 10% prefer to either play sport or go shopping."


Originally posted by empress_julz
inertia....
two people can get married but they can have no brains and heart. and with the rate of divorce these days, marriage is merely a social contract for the benefit of people to see. the commitment between two people need not be for public display.... it can come from within and mean a lot more than two people who've tied a knot at the sheraton (or any such hotel)

Disagree with justification.
A marital relationship involves a commitment and sharing of material resources as well as a moral commitment to maintain the relationship. Its more than a piece of paper. Marriage is the legal union of two people.

Are you saying cohabitation is the preferred lifestyle compared to marriage

[jsu]

CHL

Worry not. You are well respected here. You have never been less than civil and I hope that I have been too. Me, I take things easy, perhaps more so than even you. :)

[Cool Hand Luke]

Have fun, guys, I am out of this thread. Do you all get this distinct feeling that we are all puppets dancing to the tune and hand movements of a puppeteer here who has so cleverly led us on? Think about it. I do and that is why I am out of here.

:D Jsu - Worry? Respect? Do you for a moment think that when a man reaches my age, he worries about whether people respect him or not in an online forum? I am only concerned about people's opinions of me if they mean a lot to me in my real life. True, there are a few people in this forum who mean something to me in my real life. I think you know who you are - I have pm you and sought for your advices now and then!

[empress_julz]

yeah i think i am too. i think the point is clear:

1. any kind of sex comes with responsibility

2. getting married just to have sex is irresponsible

3. whatever one decides, it is personal and up to them...

we can debate about this to no end but i agree with CHL, it can't be anything constructive since whatever choices one wants to make are personal and confined to the individual.... puppets or muppets aside... ;)

///ej

[uchangeng]

Is having pre-marital sex something horid and despicable? Not at all.

Is having pre-marital sex means you are unclean? Not at all.

So, what is the problem? Value? Over jealous personal value? or simply male chauvinistic "my bride is a virgin" sort of mentality?

Pre-marital sex or marital sex, there are all the same. It is our biological need once you reach reproductive age. As long as both individuals are grown up and EDUCATED enough to be fully aware of their responsibilities towards each other, so be it. Nothing wrong. Nothing holy or unholy about it. Have safe sex and life goes on.

Just think about what would happen to our society if sex is made to appear like some kind of a taboo? A completely sex-close society where an exposed female bare foot can turn a crowd voilent!

May be people like me will have to wear a purdah.

[lady-o-leisure]

Finally i am able to get online and catch up on a few things here. Suffering with a Pen2 laptop here since all my stuff are in a container waiting to get to M'sia. Pre-marital sex seems interesting enough to start the day with.

Sex education should be inroduced, but i guess it will take a while b4 it really goes into effect. When i was in my teens in the 80's , my science teacher went thru the human reproduction subject in less than an hour, reading entirely out of the book, word for word. The topic was never mentioned again after that. I dont think she was comfortable about it at all.
What the hell did i know about sex then? Nothing!

I do wish there was sex edu at school or something at the time. I wouldnt hv gotten into it kinda blindly. Now i dont even know how to talk to my kid about sex esp since my son has just entered his teens.

Back to the topic on pre-marital sex, i dont think it is always a good idea, but then again, it is an individual choice. I do know of people who had 1st time sex after they got married, and they would say to you it was a mistake. One particular friend complains her hubby is so lousy in bed and nothing she tries can make it better. Another complains his wife is lousy. Another wife says her hubby expects her to behave like a slut in bed which she hates. If they had known it was going to be that way b4 they got married, they probably wouldnt hv gotten married in the 1st place. Of course, not everyone is like that. Some couples hv long marriages even though they hate the sex part. Some just tolerate it, some avoid it altogether, some just keep trying, and some bitch about it out of frustration.

However, like CHL , EJ and a few others hv said.. it is a responsibility that shouldn't be taken lightly. Young (and even older) people tend to be reckless when it comes to sex, thinking 'it won't happen to me'. I hv been known to be reckless before and during marriage ( with my hubby that is). I can't say i am saintly in any way. Abortions do happen to married people too. Not just teens or the unmarried.
How far can one push their luck? If you HAVE to do it, be safe, and be happyand do it with a clear mind. Regrets arent the best feelings to carry thru life.

CHL, your views hv almost ( i say 'almost' as i might hv missed out on a few postings? :))always come out as noble, straight forward, honest, not meant to be disrespectful. Dont pull out of any thread just because anyone says anything to discourage you from saying what you mean.

There! I said it. now i can hv a nap. Moving house can be really tiring.

[dr_luv]

hmm ...i have never attended safe sex module, can i someone tell me what is the best safe sex protection ?

I am just a kid.

[empress_julz]

?

[empress_julz]

the guy asked for proper advice and this is the best you men can give?

///ej

[Cool Hand Luke]

Guys (that excludes EJ) - If that is not penile fixation, I do not know what is. A bit tasteless and offensive to ladies in the forum. Or perhaps I am too sensitive and senile in my old age?

[empress_julz]

not at all.

"tasteless" is accurate.

you are right.... it is offensive to women, and men too.

///ej

[Left 4th Finger]

We're just mucking around :D

Seriously, abstinence is the safest.

[dr_luv]

ok what type/brand of rubber should i buy ?

[empress_julz]

better brands like durex, or trojan. make sure it is one that is spermicidal.

but condoms do not protect against infections like herpes, which when contracted cannot be cured.

best be warned.

better if the girl is on the pill too. any pharmacist can advise.

///ej

[dr_luv]

I heard about durex but trojan ..it sounds like a washing cloth detergent !!!

but there so many types of durex with colourful boxes ???

[Cool Hand Luke]

I think questions and answers on this topic carried to this specific nature is inappropriate in this forum. I suggest we stop it here. Thank you.

[dr_luv]

Uncle CHL,

I really don't know whats wrong with you ? we are not offending anyone ??

I know you are the self appointed moderator, jumping one thread after one thread and posting STOP THIS, STOP THAT. DON'T DO THIS ....blah blah

We are just having a knowledge transfer.

Gosh !! ....its so difficult to breath here... with someone trying to shutdown all the windows.

[Cool Hand Luke]

Na.... I am not the self-appointed moderator. Just put it this way - I can spot a genuine question and the need of 'transfer of knowledge' when I see one. All I suggested was that it was inappropriate. I did not said it was offensive. I am sure you can find an appropriate forum to ask such questions. It would be better for you if you do so because you would get professional and expert advices. I do not think anybody in this forum is qualified to answer your queries. But then I may be wrong as there may be many hidden talents around!

:D

[dr_luv]

ok, i get your point,

but like you said earlier, how do you know there is no professional and expert in this field.

We just got started.

[Cool Hand Luke]

No. I am afraid you do not get my point. The topic is inappropriate in a community forum and it is tasteless. You may disagree with me but please there is no need to go into hysteria and start to type in capitals. If you read my two posts on this, you would find that I, at least, have the courtesy to show you politeness.

Thank you.

[lady-o-leisure]

CHL has pointed out quite actually that this is a community forum, thus, created by Jeff and co to provide the entire USJ/SJ community/residents with a place to come visit and discuss that is decent and socially acceptable by the majority, so as to not offend some who may be sensitive to certain subjects. We are after all , multicultural/racial asians trying to get along in a very stressed society. There is no need to argue about matters such as sex here as there might be younger audiences whom i am hoping will come visit, as i am sure jeff and co will like too. Talking about sex as a matter-of-factly is okay as long as we adults know when to place a lid on it.

There was a similar subject a while back and it was all deleted, for the same reason that this is a community-based forum. Maybe some of you might want to adjourn to our dear friend Sky's forum where anything goes as there are more younger participants over there and less restrictions.

What do u say Sky? Wanna invite them over to your place? Guys? Adjourn? I;m sure Sky will be happy to provide beverages. :)

[left side hung]

Originally posted by Left 4th Finger
We're just mucking around :D

Seriously, abstinence is the safest.

"abstinence" is heresy. ;)

[satish]

To everyone who was annoyed about the use of rubber..(even when it used to be our nation primary commodity), will be glad that I have pulled out my input on this thread.
This e-community can now be re-classified as suitable even for kids.
2 sens..

[kwchang]

Thanks Satish,
we are glad for the self-censorship in the broad interest of the community.

Thank you too to CHLuke and Lady-O for their valuable pointers on the "general-rating" for this Forum and the need to exercise restraint in posting adult comments.

[joker2107]

quote "the government has no place in my bedroom. what i do there, and what anyone does there, is their problem. "unquote

that must be the wisest statement of the century. bravo ej.

this forum is all about opinions and opinions are not always truths and sometimes said with tongue in cheek. so buddies, pls don't get hot with the action here - its aint physical yet.

sex can be viewed from religious, moral, social, political, personal etc perspectives. and each view is not necessarily compatible. perhaps the most debatable theorem is the fact that of all the acknowledged vices, consensual extra-maritla sex is the least damaging, in so far as if the partners are willing and the deal is totally private, and precautions are taken, nobody suffers physically but two persons gains pleasure. its unlike drinking and gambling which often results is third parties being harmed real bad.

ej had a very interesting perspective - couples who have reasons not to get married. lol too brought up some interesting justification for action out of wed-lock. many moons ago i read somewhere that in one of the countries which feature permanent snow, it is an honour ot the family if the women are the subject of visiting men's pleasure.

this forum seems to be heading for a debate of adult activities. but wasn't the press more concerned with the "too-young" indulging in the pleasures of procreation b4 they are "competent enuf" to maintain off-springs?

this is also where huhah about sex education is going up the wrong tree. its all nato. sex has two facades - one the action of procreation, which sex edu is all about. more critically, sex is about pleasure and easing /releasing of natural urges. schools and text books could tell all about how cells divide and how sperms meet eggs. but sensation is not a text book subject. how can we teach kids at the prime of their inquisitiveness that pleasures are not fr their taking? we could teach them how to do it and how not to do it wrong. we could explain why it is not correct and the consequences of accidents. but is the lure of the forbidden fruit going to be suppressed by the powers of some lectures? i've seen far too many who steadfastly cover their top but willingly open their bottoms bearing a centre-forward off-season to believe that plain edu is going to work magic.

got to go now. be back later.