View Full Version : Extreme Chinese parenting

18-01-2011, 12:24 PM
You may have heard about Dr Amy Chua, professor of law at Yale University and author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. She recounts raising her two daughters, now 15 and 18, using what she calls “Chinese parenting” methods.

Dr Chua has rightfully pointed out the major differences between the upbringing of Chinese kids and that of western kids. The single most important reason why Chinese kids perform so well in the academic and musical fields is that Chinese mothers almost never allow their children to give up, and they will sacrifice everything to ensure that their children is equipped with the necessary skills, work habits and confidence to succeed in an increasingly tough world. Mediocrity is a must!

It is also generally true for first generation immigrants to foreign lands who have a lot to prove. With the next few generations, I believe this will not happen as the kids will have adopted the local cultural practices.

I believe that parents should not think they own their kids. They are themselves and parents are just instruments for them being here. Asian parents are known to pressure their kids to achieve their own (parents’) ambitions, regardless of how their kids feel. The parents are actually doing it for themselves and their egos. This is extreme parenting.
For now we would be pleased as long as our kids have done relatively well, but we would have accepted less economic and professional success as long as they are kind to others and to other species.

For an interesting reading, you may wish to check this site out for responses to the extreme parenting ideas of Amy Chua as reported in the Wall St Journal:

Enjoy your day!

23-01-2011, 08:40 PM
" Mediocrity is a must! "?

Don't quite get it... :confused:

23-01-2011, 08:49 PM
Traditional "Chinese parenting" methods focus too much on perfecting the "skills" but sad to say, they left out much of the creativity part.

In the competitive environment out there, academically good may not be good enough. In the real world, not many of the top CEOs are Prof or Dr.

06-02-2011, 06:12 AM
Many kids from extreme parenting style families have known to committed suicide or suicidal. Do Tiger Mums always know best for their children?[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=7]

09-05-2011, 10:57 AM
Someone I know has been very strict with her 2 children. Now her eldest child has left home and this person is now trying to coax her daughter to come home for good. It's been 6 months, so far there has been no success. It's sad becoz the 2 children are nice kids. But too much of stress from the overbearing mother can cause mental imbalance to teenagers.

09-05-2011, 06:34 PM
Some parents can be over the top in pursuit of strings of "As". My relative did that to her eldest son..tuitions, revising all the time, must be >90 marks in all exams, canning for each deducted mark etc. Sadly, my cousin couldn't stand the pressure and did badly in SPM. Now that he's working, he's very distant with his parents.

04-06-2011, 10:14 PM
Excessive is no good. They become more rebellious. ;)

Blue Jasmine
07-06-2011, 03:56 PM
Is not easy to discipline ourselves. what else our children. my mother doesnt really spank me though..just nag nag nag. but i suppose Chinese is more traditional...scold then yell then still cannot what else... the magic wand...Hehehe is the CANE...

but now many Chinese also don't do that...a lot of western style now.

07-06-2011, 04:54 PM
I think 'Extreme Chinese parenting' is waning.

Young parents are more patience and they talk a lot to their kids instead of using the cane to talk. :D

07-06-2011, 05:13 PM
In a way, parenting method depends on the child's nature. If the child is resilient, then he/she may be able to take more stress. Otherwise it's just paving way to tragedy. I have just of a young teen drinking weedkiller after being scolded. Somehow in my schooldays, I have never come across teenagers commiting suicide nor contemplated either whatever amount of caning I got, but it's like a trend these days. Although I'd hope very much that my kids would succeed in their lives, I'd rather they succeed moderately but with strong values especially of integrity, excellence, passion, compassion and contentment for these are very precious traits that makes a person happy in life.

09-06-2011, 03:40 PM
Children nowadays are quite exposed to modern/western living style, they need more space and learn a lot faster than the old days. Too strict and they will rebel against you, too loose also they just drift, IMHO, balance is the best for this children.

17-02-2012, 02:43 PM
Excessive is no good. They become more rebellious. ;)

I agreed with you, me was raised in "sit, you sit, or else ... " environment, and I was very rebellious during my teenage time.
I still recall scoring 98 in BM in Standard 3 but dare not go home, telling teacher that my mum will scold me.

Now, I have a standard 1 daughter and she has the exact same character as me, in order not to repeat the history, I have taken the different approach in raising her, but I am slowly losing my patient slow and soft talking her about every issues.

20-02-2012, 11:04 AM
I think 'Extreme Chinese parenting' is waning.

Young parents are more patience and they talk a lot to their kids instead of using the cane to talk. :D

Not true. Still a lot of them out there.


18-12-2012, 10:31 AM
Many parent just force their children to get good result but dint ever care abt what their really interest..

05-04-2013, 09:19 PM
I don't think "hard parenting" will do a child any good ... Or bullshitting them when they were young does any good either ... When I was young ( during the schooling years ) , I wasn't allowed to watch TV on school days or even holidays .... I had to do revision or homework or something related to studies all the time , every time.

At the end of the day ( which is now.... ) I do pretty good at work and life ... and I am the planning stages for my own family soon and I definitely wont bring up my children the way my parents brought me up ... Sometimes, I look at the kids now ( esp. my nieces ) and I wonder about my lost childhood.