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jeffooi
30-11-2002, 05:43 PM
Jokes from the 'sick man' of Europe


<img src="http://www.union-network.org/UNIsite/Events/Congress/2001/images/schroeder.jpg" align="left">‘Schroeder jokes’ lighten German blues
AFP

AS unemployment bites and taxes climb, some Germans are beginning to regret having re-elected Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder and a new phenomenon is emerging through their anger: Schroeder jokes.

See how puns about the man in the chancellery have become a new genre in Germany's humour lexicon.

* * *

Gerhard Schroeder and Finance Minister Hans Eichel are out in a boat. The boat sinks. Who gets saved? Germany.

* * *

Schroeder and his chauffeur are driving in the countryside. On their way through a village they run over a duck. Schroeder walks up to the farmer and says: "Good day, I am the chancellor and I am willing to compensate you." The farmer slaps him.

At the next village, they run over a pig. Schroeder decides to send the chauffeur to see the farmer this time. The driver returns carrying a load of fresh farm produce. Schroeder, surprised, asks him what he told the farmer.

"I said ‘hello, I'm the chancellor's driver and I just ran over the pig'."

jeffooi
30-11-2002, 05:55 PM
<img src="http://www.born-today.com/Today/pix/gabor_z.jpg" align="left"> Zsa Zsa Gabor, now about 85, was in coma after
a nasty accident.

She is not exactly from Germany.
She was born in Budapest, Hungary.

She is renowned for her long list of husbands as
much as her films. She has been married eight times.

Here are some nasty one-liners I picked up from today's papers.

Enjoy.

* * *

"I'm a very good housekeeper.
"Every time I leave a man, I keep his house."

* * *

"How many husbands have I had?
"You mean, apart from my own?"

* * *

"I never hated a man enough to give back his diamonds."

* * *

"Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married because you do."

joker2107
02-12-2002, 04:57 PM
just got this today - to sandwich the nazis. creates a logarithmatic relationship between popularity and stupidity?

yes sir, who's getting the coffee first?

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinese dude!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of
China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle
East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.