Parenting skills support group

[birdy]

Dear Forumers (esp parents of schoolchildren),

I am proposing that we have a cyber support group for parents (new and veterans) on matters and issues relating to our children's. Let us share tips on how to be a good parent. Let the veteran show the young parent a good parenting skills.

I hope that this thread can serve as an informal focal point and reference; hopefully constructive and benefical to all. Sharing of information and experiences will be key to its success.

This thread is not meant to share info, raise issues, Q&A and other matters of concern to us as parents.

Thank you for your kind attention and contributions.

[birdy]

To get the ball rolling ... let me seek an advise from whoever willing to share :-

Recently, when I went to spot check my daughter whether she take the catered food in school canteen, was surprised that she did not turn up to eat! Immediately after the recess time, I went in to check with the canteen operator, only been told that my daughter has not come to eat for 2 days (lucky that I discovered it early). The canteen operator told me there is one student never turn up in the canteen since Day 1, and only turn up today for the first time after being caught by the parent. :)

When I check on my daugther, I also discovered that my daugther's friend did not turn up to eat as well! I then inform her mother about this. This was to her surprised as she was told by her son that she had taken fried beehoon that afternoon. I told the mother that I really saw the food and drink untouched and that day, the catered food was not fried beehoon!

Luckily, my daughter did not lie to me. When asked, she tried to avoid answering this question initially but when insist on the answer, she said don't know. Then she admitted that she did not go to the canteen that day. I asked her why and she explain the reason, which I accepted for the benefit of doubt. I told her that I will spot check in the school regularly.

My question is how do you detect your children if he or she is lying to you (just like the case of my daughter's friend)? The mother will never know the truth if I wasn't there on that day. How should we correctly teach our children without having to spank them if they are caught lying? :confused:

[QuietStorm]

Sit the child down...talk to him/her in a nice and gentle way. if you do this often enough, they will eventually understand that lying not a good thing. So far, it has worked for me. Also, it's important for your child NOT to catch you lying! :p If they catch you telling lies every now and then, they will think it's ok for them to do it, too.

[birdy]

Sit the child down...talk to him/her in a nice and gentle way. if you do this often enough, they will eventually understand that lying not a good thing. So far, it has worked for me.
How do you talk to him/her... do you brainwash them by telling them that lying is no good, the god can see and record down... lol :D I know my parent used that on me when I was young... :p

[QuietStorm]

How do you talk to him/her... do you brainwash them by telling them that lying is no good, the god can see and record down... lol :D I know my parent used that on me when I was young... :pHaha...I'm not that dramatic and besides, that is a lie !! :p :D. I just tell them straight in the face that lying is bad and that they shouldn't do it. So far so good ... :).

[birdy]

Haha...I'm not that dramatic and besides, that is a lie !! :p :D. I just tell them straight in the face that lying is bad and that they shouldn't do it. So far so good ... :).
Considering not all kids will have such great understanding, how would you convince them that lying is bad? :confused:

[Naka]

Considering not all kids will have such great understanding, how would you convince them that lying is bad? :confused:

Maybe you have to find a true story which shows that lying can have a bad ending.

[QuietStorm]

Maybe you have to find a true story which shows that lying can have a bad ending.Yes, that may well work. Do you have any stories in mind, Naka?

[Naka]

Yes, that may well work. Do you have any stories in mind, Naka?

Easy, check with Mr Google. :D

[currymee]

I am more DIRECT about lying - I told my son, if I ever catch him lying - I will beat the crap out of him and throw him out of the house !! :mad: So, if he owns up to the error early and fast, he will get a scolding, no walloping and thrown out of house ....

[birdy]

I am more DIRECT about lying - I told my son, if I ever catch him lying - I will beat the crap out of him and throw him out of the house !! :mad: So, if he owns up to the error early and fast, he will get a scolding, no walloping and thrown out of house ....
But will you do it if you ever catch him lying? If you don't do what you said, they will soon realize that you are lying too! :D

[currymee]

But will you do it if you ever catch him lying? If you don't do what you said, they will soon realize that you are lying too! :D

He already kena before .... :p Left him standing at the porch, crying his head off for about 30 minutes before allowing him to come back in ....

[Naka]

He already kena before .... :p Left him standing at the porch, crying his head off for about 30 minutes before allowing him to come back in ....

What happen if she is a girl?

[currymee]

One thing my son has learned is that when I told him to stop something and I said I count to 3 or 10, he better stop by then or else .... so he gets a 3 or 10 count warning .... He knows better by now than to challenge the countdown warning ... although I give him all the explanations and reasons first.

[currymee]

What happen if she is a girl?

Same rule applies even to my nieces .... this uncle when pissed, don't play-play !!! :D

[birdy]

One thing my son has learned is that when I told him to stop something and I said I count to 3 or 10, he better stop by then or else .... so he gets a 3 or 10 count warning .... He knows better by now than to challenge the countdown warning ... although I give him all the explanations and reasons first.
Hey.. I practiced the same method too... I will count down for my daugther too! :p Just wonder what we did is correct or not?

I have seen the negative impact on fierce parents, the child tend to grow up less approachable (or shy). That's what I observed (I may be wrong).

[currymee]

First and foremost, as parents, we must understand that the kids are not bad/evil or naughty in that sense, I always try to see things from my boys perspective and what I always understand is that they are always (even for adults) testing the limits and boundaries - and will kep on repeating again and again to see if the rules have change. Thus CONSISTENCY by parents are paramount.

So, we have to draw the boundaries clearly and enforced it strictly and fairly. As to where you want to draw the line, that is up to the individual parents - some circles are tight and some are very loose.

[Blue Jasmine]

Birdy - this is the same thing that happened to me....my son std 1 chee wen also did not turn up to eat. but the difference is he told me he didnt eat . He say he did not eat cause it is not nice. I was pretty shocked. ANyway i explain that he have to eat something or he will be very hungry later, Since he study till 6.30pm. Then i told him i would stand at the corner of the canteen tomorrow and check on him ..if he did not eat the food on the canteen table prepared for him i will take out a cane and beat him in front of his friends....(hehehe) of course i didnt even go or show up like that. I just scaring him a little. Cause both me and hubb have to work. We cant just go out and check on him at 3 pm then go back to work. ....it imposibble. Then i ask him the next day what was the food menu, he was able to say it with some brief explanation. He say mee...then i ask him what mee...what colour ...fried or what? got vege or chicken ?...what drinks...From his conversation i was able to see if he eaten or not.

[birdy]

Birdy - this is the same thing that happened to me....my son std 1 chee wen also did not turn up to eat. but the difference is he told me he didnt eat . He say he did not eat cause it is not nice. I was pretty shocked. ANyway i explain that he have to eat something or he will be very hungry later, Since he study till 6.30pm. Then i told him i would stand at the corner of the canteen tomorrow and check on him ..if he did not eat the food on the canteen table prepared for him i will take out a cane and beat him in front of his friends....(hehehe) of course i didnt even go or show up like that. I just scaring him a little. Cause both me and hubb have to work. We cant just go out and check on him at 3 pm then go back to work. ....it imposibble. Then i ask him the next day what was the food menu, he was able to say it with some brief explanation. He say mee...then i ask him what mee...what colour ...fried or what? got vege or chicken ?...what drinks...From his conversation i was able to see if he eaten or not.
You can go this Saturday afternoon :p I went on the first class replacement on last month. That's how I got to know my friend's daughter didn't eat and lied to the parents.

The same for my daughter - she complain the food is not nice... The nasi lemak is only white rice without any sauce ... so dry - how to eat? I did give my daughter spare pocket money and told her to buy bread in case she did not take the canteen food. Nevertheless, I think tell her to eat the food as it is wasteful to waste the food that have paid for.

[birdy]

Hi Parents and veteran,

I need some advise on how to train / guide our children to be more responsibled person. My daughter has this problem of losing the eraser after a day or the new pencil spoilt by the friend after few days. :eek: I know scolding will not be a solution but I can't be buying new stationery all the time!

So, please share your thoughts and experiences.

[currymee]

Hi Parents and veteran,

I need some advise on how to train / guide our children to be more responsibled person. My daughter has this problem of losing the eraser after a day or the new pencil spoilt by the friend after few days. :eek: I know scolding will not be a solution but I can't be buying new stationery all the time!

So, please share your thoughts and experiences.

Birdy,

I have the exact same problem with my son in the first 2 weeks of school - my son said friends like to borrow his new pencils and erasers, and after one round, all gone or broken (I bought him the good soft type of eraser). SO, I am told him, to tell his friends, want to borrow can, but do not break or damage, coz daddy gets angry and afterwards he comes to school and check !!

Then after that, I told my son from now on, only bring "used" pencils and cut-in-half rubber to school, problem solved - nobody wants to borrow anymore. He used his new ones at home for his homework until they are "used" then replace the school ones when the school ones are no longer usable. My son is ok with that, coz getting a scolding from me is worse than having new pencils and erasers !!

I told him that when I was his age, I only get 6 pencils, 1 ruler, 1 eraser and 1 sharpener PER YEAR from his grandpa - if I break any .... have to buy from own pocket money and only after showing his grandfather all the broken pieces and kena scolding also.

[birdy]

Exactly. I also lectured her on the losses and damage. No doubt scolding may be effective but it might not be a good solution. I personally experienced growing up in scolding environment and at one time it will create a fearful personality where you will be afraid to face difficult situation / will be less outspoken.

[LMei]

Does putting stickers with their names on the stationery work?

If it were me, I'll let them suffer a day or two without them. Maybe then will learn their lesson but not sure if the teacher will be angry.

[birdy]

Does putting stickers with their names on the stationery work?

If it were me, I'll let them suffer a day or two without them. Maybe then will learn their lesson but not sure if the teacher will be angry.
It may not help since this is due to her irresponsible character (tidak apa attitude)... she will just tell you lost. At least now I checked the stationery every night ... she is more careful now. When she told me that friend taken, I will tell her to get back tomorrow, if not, you will go to school without the pencil / ruler.

[currymee]

Yes, checking their stationaries help - my son broke his ruler yesterday, showed it to me sheepishly, guilty like hell, asked him how it was broken, dare not say, so I told him that those broken pieces and continue to use, so now, he got 2 - 3inch part rulers !!! :D :D

[Naka]

Yes, checking their stationaries help - my son broke his ruler yesterday, showed it to me sheepishly, guilty like hell, asked him how it was broken, dare not say, so I told him that those broken pieces and continue to use, so now, he got 2 - 3inch part rulers !!! :D :D

Aiya, you are terrible lah, get a new one for him lah...otherwise the economy will not move. ;) :D

[currymee]

Aiya, you are terrible lah, get a new one for him lah...otherwise the economy will not move. ;) :D

No, not immediately, must make him realise that he is responsible for his things and cannot just keep replacing and wasting money due to as what Birdy said "tidak apa" attitude - now is best time to teach the kids some lessons in value and responsibilities - help the school to reinforce the Moral lessons :D

[Naka]

No, not immediately, must make him realise that he is responsible for his things and cannot just keep replacing and wasting money due to as what Birdy said "tidak apa" attitude - now is best time to teach the kids some lessons in value and responsibilities - help the school to reinforce the Moral lessons :D

Man, you are in full control. :D :D

[currymee]

Man, you are in full control. :D :D

No- not my objective to be in control of my son's daily life and activities - more of getting him to learn some responsibilities from now onwards ....

[Blue Jasmine]

Hi Parents and veteran,

I need some advise on how to train / guide our children to be more responsibled person. My daughter has this problem of losing the eraser after a day or the new pencil spoilt by the friend after few days. :eek: I know scolding will not be a solution but I can't be buying new stationery all the time!

So, please share your thoughts and experiences.


yo birdy

hehehe,,,what ever that happen to your daughter happen to my son as well...ok i will go this sat,,,other parent told me that other school can change the meal...if dont like nasi lemak can change something else...i dont know chee wen allow. anyway just yesterday my son lost his erasers and pencils...lucky i never buy expensive one for him..i also dont know what happen. he simply say lost...no more on his table after he back from recess....

[currymee]

...ok i will go this sat,,,other parent told me that other school can change the meal...if dont like nasi lemak can change something else...i dont know chee wen allow....

Blue Jasmine,

You mean Lick Hung parents can go and ask for a change of the kids meal tomorrow ????? :confused: please confirm.

[birdy]

yo birdy

hehehe,,,what ever that happen to your daughter happen to my son as well...ok i will go this sat,,,other parent told me that other school can change the meal...if dont like nasi lemak can change something else...i dont know chee wen allow. anyway just yesterday my son lost his erasers and pencils...lucky i never buy expensive one for him..i also dont know what happen. he simply say lost...no more on his table after he back from recess....
This is exactly happening to my daughter.... when ask, she will say don't know. I have no choice but to warn her I don't want to hear the word 'don't know' anymore. I always reminded her, after use, put back in the pencil case. Do not simply put on the desk or whatever. I told her if she lost it again, she will have to take her own piggy bank money to buy. I am not going to buy anymore. Hope that will work :p

[birdy]

Blue Jasmine,

You mean Lick Hung parents can go and ask for a change of the kids meal tomorrow ????? :confused: please confirm.
No currymee.. If I understand correctly... Blue Jasmine is saying some schools allow the student to exchange the food if they don't like. If I remember correctly, her son is in Chee Wen .. that's why she mentioned, she doesn't know if Chee Wen allows.

Then I remembered there was 1 thread I suggested to her to go to school to spot check her son if the son is eating the food. Then she said she can't go to school as both husband and wife are working. So, I suggested to her to go during this Saturday replacement class. :)

Hope that clarifies... Blue Jasmine, please correct me if I got you wrong. :p

[currymee]

OK, noted, like that it is my error in reading and interpretation :p :p

[fRaNkY]

they can use/loose all my cheap pencils n erasers all they want but good stuff they hv to buy their own, outta of their pocket money or special rewards.

Another way is to mark pencils n erasers.... ie bite marks on pencil.... or name stcker... name written.... or eraser cut into 2 :)

kids r curious and want other people things

[Blue Jasmine]

No currymee.. If I understand correctly... Blue Jasmine is saying some schools allow the student to exchange the food if they don't like. If I remember correctly, her son is in Chee Wen .. that's why she mentioned, she doesn't know if Chee Wen allows.

Then I remembered there was 1 thread I suggested to her to go to school to spot check her son if the son is eating the food. Then she said she can't go to school as both husband and wife are working. So, I suggested to her to go during this Saturday replacement class. :)

Hope that clarifies... Blue Jasmine, please correct me if I got you wrong. :p


Yaya ..birdy is correct my son study at Chee Wen..i dont know which school can change the meal.....Anyway got one more way to avoid pencils being lost.

As franky said and also one parent teach me to print out name of your child in small paper and then stick it (with loytape) on the end of the pencils. I think the rule of the plan is stick your child name on all of their belongings. After a certain time you will discover that pencils are not the only thing that will be lost. :)

[birdy]

Yaya ..birdy is correct my son study at Chee Wen..i dont know which school can change the meal.....Anyway got one more way to avoid pencils being lost.

As franky said and also one parent teach me to print out name of your child in small paper and then stick it (with loytape) on the end of the pencils. I think the rule of the plan is stick your child name on all of their belongings. After a certain time you will discover that pencils are not the only thing that will be lost. :)
I don't see how sticking the name on the pencil can prevent the lost. It may help to identify it only... but if some children may be our of curiosity, taken the pencil or stationeries without informing. It will never be found no matter how many stickers you placed on the belongings.

I think the best is to let the children learn from the hard way... if lost, he/she should suffer the consequences. No need scolding, no need to yell... I think I am going to do that, I will replace the stationery for the last time and tell my daughter clearly.. if lost - that's it. No more pencil for her .. she has to find her own way to have a pencil back. One thing has to make clear she can only earn her own pocket money to buy and not steal.

[currymee]

.... One thing has to make clear she can only earn her own pocket money to buy and not steal.

Corrrect ... otherwise she may end up doing what we are trying to prevent from happening to her ....

[Blue Jasmine]

i think the chilldren there maybe is like borrow for a while can? they the next one borrow this green can?....then soon you got the whole class borrowing and forget to return. Maybe this is what happen. It wont help the problem i agree...but if got the person name is serve as a reminder. Anyway i didnt stick name on the pencils....maybe when really a huge problem like everything lost then can opts for that.

[jteoh69]

Hi Parents and veteran,

I need some advise on how to train / guide our children to be more responsibled person. My daughter has this problem of losing the eraser after a day or the new pencil spoilt by the friend after few days. :eek: I know scolding will not be a solution but I can't be buying new stationery all the time!

So, please share your thoughts and experiences.


I had the same issue when my son started school in standard one last year. And even after one year, I still have the same issue BUT on less frequent basis.

Yes, I made him stand in a corner to think about his negligence. I took away his priviledges each time he lost something. I labelled his pencils and everything else so that it is easier for him to identify his belongings (if they happens to land on someone else' table/bag)

As parents, we have to trust most kids are not malicious. They just grab whatsoever that comes their way, into their bag. Ofcourse, some are borrowed items. But the intention usually is not malicious. And usually when the parents of the other end found something that does not belongs to their kid, they would ask their kids to return them.

I told my son to have a "friendly talk" to a friend, who habitually bag my son's pencils. I told my son, otherwise I will talk to his friend, and by then it will not be a pretty scene. It works. Kids know how to sort things out, if have to.

One interesting fact to share, about labelling the stationeries. Recently I have to get back to my son's classroom one weekend because he forgot to bring home his book for homework (sound familliar?). Guess what I found. The teacher has a "Lost and Found" box. Big one. Fill to brim all the colored pencils, pencils, rulers, eraser. All without names. The children, when found something not belonging to them, would just dump the thing into the box. The child who lost something, doesn't know how to identify the lost goods, because they are not lablled. This is a fact on the benefit of labelling everything, EVERYTHING (I'm to the extreme of labelling even their shirts and shoes!).

That's all for now, Cheers!

[birdy]

Thanks for the sharing... I know it is good to tag / label the belongings.... but earlier there was an article in The Star telling otherwise ...

http://thestar.com.my/columnists/story.asp?col=childwise&file=/2010/1/6/columnists/childwise/5408586&sec=Childwise

I actually started to label the stuff now... and keep on reminding my daughter to be more responsible, tell her to keep the stuff back to its original place after use, even for a piece of eraser. I actually check her pencil box every night to ensure that the things are still in there... so far, I did see improvments, at least I never hear things lost so frequently now.

[fRaNkY]

Just remember to write your kids name on their shoes... incase accidently taken one diff size shoe outside the library.

[currymee]

Just remember to write your kids name on their shoes... incase accidently taken one diff size shoe outside the library.

Actually, my son's class teacher told all her students to write their name on the back of the heel of their shoes.

[spongey]

get pencil from ikea hehe...still remember whn i in primary school have this classmate always take my stuff,so better put label on ur stuff..or mark ,

[Mammoth]

get pencil from ikea hehe...still remember whn i in primary school have this classmate always take my stuff,so better put label on ur stuff..or mark ,
Ikea pencil is so short. In no time, the pencil will be too short to write. I saw most children used mechanical pencil nowadays. Unlike those days, when we are disallowed to use mechanical pencil until Std 3 or 4 (if I recalled well) :) :)

[currymee]

Ikea pencil is so short. In no time, the pencil will be too short to write. I saw most children used mechanical pencil nowadays. Unlike those days, when we are disallowed to use mechanical pencil until Std 3 or 4 (if I recalled well) :) :)

Funny you should say that, my son (Lick Hung Std 1) told me his teacher also forbids them to use mechanical pencils ... fine by me, got a lot of hotel/seminars/conference pencils to go through anyway ..... :rolleyes: :p

[jteoh69]

I need help on the following situation:
You serve a meal for your 8 year old child. You walk away to do your chores. When you get back, the plate is emptied. When you check the trash can, the food is there. Again, and again that happened (crop up every few weeks/months), even after slow talks ("you know, so many children have no food to eat", "it's bad to waste food", "I'll skinned you alive if I find you throw away food!!") sending off to thinking corners, take away benefits.
I know, i know, the menu and cooking must be really bad, but that we have worked on as well.
When asked the reason he threw away the food, the answer was "I don't want to eat". What else can we do here? Is it normal for kids to have this habit?

[currymee]

I need help on the following situation:
You serve a meal for your 8 year old child. You walk away to do your chores. When you get back, the plate is emptied. When you check the trash can, the food is there. Again, and again that happened (crop up every few weeks/months), even after slow talks ("you know, so many children have no food to eat", "it's bad to waste food", "I'll skinned you alive if I find you throw away food!!") sending off to thinking corners, take away benefits.
I know, i know, the menu and cooking must be really bad, but that we have worked on as well.
When asked the reason he threw away the food, the answer was "I don't want to eat". What else can we do here? Is it normal for kids to have this habit?

Errrr .... I did a shock treatment for my son - I showed him some online pixs of African children suffering from famine - solved the problem - so far no nightmares also .. I always remind him how lucky he is to have basic food and clean water let alone any fancy food whenever he gets picky ...

[birdy]

How about try to accompany him to have the lunch / dinner together? Just treat the dinner time as your family time - eat together, enjoy the food together.

Normal time, try to show him those African children that died from hunger. Another way is tell him that if he is choosy, you will reduce the food he likes in the future. :)

[VeeJay]

When asked the reason he threw away the food, the answer was "I don't want to eat". What else can we do here? Is it normal for kids to have this habit?

Its always good to start early on eating normal healthy food. At the age of eight it takes a lot of patience and coaching (constant) to change this habit.

Talk to them about the nutrition value, staying strong and healthy, no or less sick and doctor's visit.

I never introduced baby food for my kids, its all normal daily home food, nothing fancy and special for small ones.

[irisbaggins]

Last time I used to hate bitter gourd. Whenever I refused to eat, my mom end up making me eat nothing but bitter gourd throughout the meal. Call that wicked but the next time I wanted to refuse certain food I stop and will think twice!

[Blue Jasmine]

I need help on the following situation:
You serve a meal for your 8 year old child. You walk away to do your chores. When you get back, the plate is emptied. When you check the trash can, the food is there. Again, and again that happened (crop up every few weeks/months), even after slow talks ("you know, so many children have no food to eat", "it's bad to waste food", "I'll skinned you alive if I find you throw away food!!") sending off to thinking corners, take away benefits.
I know, i know, the menu and cooking must be really bad, but that we have worked on as well.
When asked the reason he threw away the food, the answer was "I don't want to eat". What else can we do here? Is it normal for kids to have this habit?


i think one way is u can always eat together with him. children are always looking for attention. if this is not what he needs maybe he just need to experience some good hunger. have u given him snack before? plan his meal, no snacks before lunch. make sure he eats according to his time. i agree beating them or scolding them wont do the trick. Children dont know how to plan their meal. We must feed them according to the time schedule. When he throw away his food i got a feeling it looks more like he wasnt hungry.

As a punishment i will make sure he dont get any food till the next feeding time. Maybe i will make the feeding time earlier hour and gime him water in between.

[birdy]

i think one way is u can always eat together with him. children are always looking for attention. if this is not what he needs maybe he just need to experience some good hunger. have u given him snack before? plan his meal, no snacks before lunch. make sure he eats according to his time. i agree beating them or scolding them wont do the trick. Children dont know how to plan their meal. We must feed them according to the time schedule. When he throw away his food i got a feeling it looks more like he wasnt hungry.

As a punishment i will make sure he dont get any food till the next feeding time. Maybe i will make the feeding time earlier hour and gime him water in between.
Hey Blue Jasmine, u stolen my idea.. hahaha :D . ..just kidding. Well, what you mentioned is absolute correct. People tend to have less appetide when eating alone. Try to eat together and make it a family time.

jteoh69, hope you could feedback the results. :)

[jteoh69]

Really thankful for your great support and advice. Yeah, I must admit that I'm terrible at accompanying him for meals. It's always he eats on his own. My excuse was that he is so slow in finishing his meal (somehing like, 60 minutes) I am going to experiment this - have meals with him more often. Hopefully he will enjoy meal time and the meal itself. God, I pray for my patience and sanity!

[birdy]

Really thankful for your great support and advice. Yeah, I must admit that I'm terrible at accompanying him for meals. It's always he eats on his own. My excuse was that he is so slow in finishing his meal (somehing like, 60 minutes) I am going to experiment this - have meals with him more often. Hopefully he will enjoy meal time and the meal itself. God, I pray for my patience and sanity!
Be patient, you should encourage him to eat faster. You can also consider giving him a smaller portion instead of big bowl of rice.

[currymee]

Yes, I will try that as well :) My son eats well in the first 30 minutes I was at the dinner table and when I leave to do the dishes, then he "draaaaaagggggssss " the meal ....

[fRaNkY]

Yes, I will try that as well :) My son eats well in the first 30 minutes I was at the dinner table and when I leave to do the dishes, then he "draaaaaagggggssss " the meal ....

Told my son, if he finishes before I finish with the dishes, I will wash for him, else he have to wash his own :D If he didnt wash his dishes, minus 50cents off this pocket money even a cup.

Off the TV!

[fRaNkY]

Another reason why kids eat slow is because the dish not up to their taste, maybe they had better food, like some better off families.... shark fin, lobster... :D

Try find out what they like and cook that... at least one dish that they like... see if it works...

Also, let them learn to take what they like, the portion they want... from there you can find out what they like and dislike.

BTw, I hate bittergourd :D

[currymee]

Guess I am more strict compared to others - told my boy, whatever is served - you must eat - if you like it you can eat more and if you don't like also must eat but less ... no exception to any dishes served.

[LMei]

Guess I am more strict compared to others - told my boy, whatever is served - you must eat - if you like it you can eat more and if you don't like also must eat but less ... no exception to any dishes served.
That's easy if your kid does not spit up the food he puts in his mouth and say, "I cannot swallow :( "

I tried that method too but in the end still have to figure out what he likes best and cook that for him.

[currymee]

Ok, this is what normally happens at my dinner table - there will be a dish that son will like, one so-so and one he does not like - BUT he has to take the following - one helping he doesn't like, two helpings so-so and three helpings of what he likes AT ALL TIMES - and after a year or so, many dislikes become so-so and I mean all veges including bittergourd, aubergine, ladyfingers, taugeh etc etc .... he knows he has to take them or else I deduct from what he likes. So if he INSISTS on not taking one helping of one dish he dislikes, it will be MINUS one of that he likes .... well, I found that it works ..... :)

[birdy]

Ok, this is what normally happens at my dinner table - there will be a dish that son will like, one so-so and one he does not like - BUT he has to take the following - one helping he doesn't like, two helpings so-so and three helpings of what he likes AT ALL TIMES - and after a year or so, many dislikes become so-so and I mean all veges including bittergourd, aubergine, ladyfingers, taugeh etc etc .... he knows he has to take them or else I deduct from what he likes. So if he INSISTS on not taking one helping of one dish he dislikes, it will be MINUS one of that he likes .... well, I found that it works ..... :)
It's so complex. :eek: :confused: I see come see go, see no road leh :D I just wonder if you and your son signed any contract? :)

[Hiliary]

Ok, this is what normally happens at my dinner table - there will be a dish that son will like, one so-so and one he does not like - BUT he has to take the following - one helping he doesn't like, two helpings so-so and three helpings of what he likes AT ALL TIMES - and after a year or so, many dislikes become so-so and I mean all veges including bittergourd, aubergine, ladyfingers, taugeh etc etc .... he knows he has to take them or else I deduct from what he likes. So if he INSISTS on not taking one helping of one dish he dislikes, it will be MINUS one of that he likes .... well, I found that it works ..... :)

that would have helped me, i could have buried the cabbage in the extra meat and my favourite mashed potato :D

[currymee]

that would have helped me, i could have buried the cabbage in the extra meat and my favourite mashed potato :D

Don't bury or hide anything - show everything and tell him/her the rules - I always say: everything must try and they are good food as per what they have learned in school - if they want to cut down, CUT the BAD FOOD like ice-cream, sweets - and you can see the reaction hahhaha ....

I admit that it is not easy but you cannot let them get away with it ..... even if they don't like, must still eat one mouthful, and if spits out, 2X helping ... spits out again 3X etc .... soon, they will settle for the first one helping rather than 2-3 hahahha .... BTW, I don't scold or shout, I am just FIRM about the rules.

Birdy, the simple contract is every meal, there is a dish that he likes where he can have 3-4 helpings but to enjoy that, he must take the other so-so and dislikes as well ... :p

[Hiliary]

Don't bury or hide anything - show everything and tell him/her the rules - I always say: everything must try and they are good food as per what they have learned in school - if they want to cut down, CUT the BAD FOOD like ice-cream, sweets - and you can see the reaction hahhaha ....

I admit that it is not easy but you cannot let them get away with it ..... even if they don't like, must still eat one mouthful, and if spits out, 2X helping ... spits out again 3X etc .... soon, they will settle for the first one helping rather than 2-3 hahahha .... BTW, I don't scold or shout, I am just FIRM about the rules.

Birdy, the simple contract is every meal, there is a dish that he likes where he can have 3-4 helpings but to enjoy that, he must take the other so-so and dislikes as well ... :p

i meant when i was a kid, i could have buried the dont like in the do like :D
There was always too much cabbage!

a rule my mother had along the lines of "waste not, want not" was that unfinished food was served up at the next meal :eek:

one thing that bugs me is people loading up their plates at buffets, then leaving half of the food because of bigger eyes than belly. Not a good example to show young kids.
I saw one buffet place years ago that charged 50% for a clean plate, full price if you left food on the plate.

[sydneymak]

i read from somewhere regarding to kids tell lies. if you know that the kid is telling lie, don't ask him to test if he will confess. most of the case he will not, and conflict will happen between parent and kid. tell him straight in his face. For example, if he break the vase. instead of asking: who breaks the vase? or is that you who break the vase? (which the kid will deny to avoid punishment), we should say, i saw you breaking the vase.......then start guiding the kid the correct or desirable action that we want him to do.

[currymee]

i read from somewhere regarding to kids tell lies. if you know that the kid is telling lie, don't ask him to test if he will confess. most of the case he will not, and conflict will happen between parent and kid. tell him straight in his face. For example, if he break the vase. instead of asking: who breaks the vase? or is that you who break the vase? (which the kid will deny to avoid punishment), we should say, i saw you breaking the vase.......then start guiding the kid the correct or desirable action that we want him to do.

When it comes to telling lies, don't play-play, your punishment and enforcement must be CONSISTENT at all times ..... or else they will not learn and correct themselves ....

[currymee]

Helping kids make sense of what's going on

I find this article interesting and can be helpful to some parents.

http://parenthots.com/features/Helping-kids-make-sense-of-what-s-going-on.aspx

[currymee]

Thinking of switching schools?

Another good article:

http://parenthots.com/features/Thinking-of-switching-schools.aspx

[birdy]

Here are tips how to teach your child to be more responsibility :

1. Provide children with opportunities to be responsible.
Allow children the freedom to make decisions and learn from their mistakes. Include them in packing their belongings, planning their after school activities and deciding on what they wish to wear. Another nice way to teach children responsibility is through caring for a pet or plant. By getting them a pet, we teach them that this living creature depends on them to stay alive. Depending on the age of the child, we may want to start out with smaller pets, such as guppies. If the children show responsibility with the smaller pets, then they can progress to taking care of larger pets as they grow older. If pets are out of the question, then caring for a houseplant may be another solution.

2. Start children with chores when they are young.
Young children have a strong desire to help out, even as young as age two. They can do a lot more than we think if we are patient and creative. This helps build confidence and enthusiasm for later tasks in life.

3. Take time to show children how to do the assigned tasks the correct way.
We should focus on what they are learning about responsibility instead of how well they perform the tasks. Give them instructions and then let them do it. Don’t nag; just follow through the chore if it does not get done.

4. Set appropriate expectations.
The expectations from assigning chores should match with the children’s intellectual, physical and emotional abilities. Use role play and talk to them about exactly what kind of behavior we expect from them. It is hard for children to be responsible when they don’t know what it entails.

5. Give children space and pour on praises and encouragement.
Resist any attempt to do the chores for them even if they fumble. Concentrate more on their efforts than their actual accomplishments. They may not be doing a perfect job, but criticizing them or redoing their work will only squash their desire to be responsible. Try making gentle suggestions: “That’s a pretty good job with the dishes. I usually soap all the plates first and then rinse them, though, instead of soaping and rinsing the dishes one by one.” This tone will help them get the point without feeling defensive and tuning us out.

Positive reinforcement will teach children that their efforts are important and appreciated. When appropriate, point out exactly how they have helped everyone else: “Great! Now that you’ve finished washing the dishes, we can all have an ice cream.” Also, specifically point out what we like about their responsible behaviour. This behaviour will more likely be continued.

[birdy]

6. Talk often about responsibility with children.
Talk about responsibility with children and be the model of responsible behaviour to them. We are their role models and this is where they will learn from. So we need to take care of our possessions and try to be on time as
our children are watching us. We should also allow the children an opportunity to express their thoughts about chores. Don’t punish them for talking about them. Keep it positive and to the point.

7. Don’t reward your children all the time.
While giving an allowance can be tied to be a completing a job, children should not be rewarded for doing chores all the time. We may need to stress that chores are part of the family and rewards are not to be expected.

Children don’t deserve a ringgit, for example, every time they put away their toys. If they do, what lesson does this teach them?

8. Let children deal with the natural consequences when they make mistakes.
If children keep losing their pencil box or don’t do their homework, let them deal with the consequences. Maybe they have to ask to borrow stationery when they go to school and get scolded by their teacher for not completing their homework. Maybe they have to buy a new one if it is lost. If we “rescue” them every time they make a mistake, they will never learn responsibility.

9. Give children an allowance early in their life.
Give them an allowance at an early age and let them make decisions on how they spend it. Do not give them extra money if they run out.

10. Have a strong, unfailing belief that children are responsible.
Children will pick up on this belief and they will tend to rise to the level of expectations. We need to keep believing this even when they mess up!

There are various ways to teach responsibility. By starting young, we will ease our children’s transition into the real world. By teaching them responsibility, we will instil a sense of trust, self-esteem and self-reliance. All of these will help them be a successful adult.

[QuietStorm]

Ok, this is what normally happens at my dinner table - there will be a dish that son will like, one so-so and one he does not like - BUT he has to take the following - one helping he doesn't like, two helpings so-so and three helpings of what he likes AT ALL TIMES - and after a year or so, many dislikes become so-so and I mean all veges including bittergourd, aubergine, ladyfingers, taugeh etc etc .... he knows he has to take them or else I deduct from what he likes. So if he INSISTS on not taking one helping of one dish he dislikes, it will be MINUS one of that he likes .... well, I found that it works ..... :)I've a better plan. Ask the wifey to see to it! :D:D. Seriously, I'm not too worried. I remember my son hated vegetables when he was little like 4 or 5. He was always staying away from the healthy green stuff. Fast forward 5 years.....he is now digging in and loving veges! Of course, this could be attributed to the other half's efforts....I don't know, I have been too busy chowing down! :p :D

[Busy Mom]

Does any of your kids like to daydream or having difficulties in focussing esp. during lessons in school. Mine does and i'm trying my level best to always 'bring her back'.

Nope, my girl doesn't have any medical issues. She is just a dreamer.

I heard exposing kids to TV early in age somehow or rather causes this.

Can you tell me how can we counter this problem and help kids to stay focus.

[currymee]

Does any of your kids like to daydream or having difficulties in focussing esp. during lessons in school. Mine does and i'm trying my level best to always 'bring her back'.

Nope, my girl doesn't have any medical issues. She is just a dreamer.

I heard exposing kids to TV early in age somehow or rather causes this.

Can you tell me how can we counter this problem and help kids to stay focus.

Busy Mom,

Talk to her and find out if she finds the teaching too dull or too easy (a possibility too !!) ... looks like she is having an "interest" problem - as in not interested ...

[twique]

Does any of your kids like to daydream or having difficulties in focussing esp. during lessons in school. Mine does and i'm trying my level best to always 'bring her back'.

Nope, my girl doesn't have any medical issues. She is just a dreamer.

I heard exposing kids to TV early in age somehow or rather causes this.

Can you tell me how can we counter this problem and help kids to stay focus.

My son is also a "dreamer", I have had numerous complaints from his preschool teachers over the last couple of years. Now that he is in standard 1, the trait still shows from his current school work, recent exam papers (careless mistakes towards the end of the paper).

I too, am looking for ways to help my boy to improve his concentration span. I think the education system that we have (classroom and academic focused) is not suitable for all, if not most kids, some may find it dull and uninteresting and hence lose focus.

There was an interesting article in the Star last Saturday which I'd like to share.

http://thestar.com.my/metro/story.asp?file=/2011/3/5/central/8184980&sec=central

[currymee]

Don't mean to scare or worry you all BUT please make sure you have ruled out and checked for any possible - attention deficit disorder (ADD/ADHD)

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_signs_symptoms.htm

[Busy Mom]

Busy Mom,

Talk to her and find out if she finds the teaching too dull or too easy (a possibility too !!) ... looks like she is having an "interest" problem - as in not interested ...

I'll agree with the 'interest' problem. Maybe she hasn't grasp the concept of learning yet. I really want to instill the good habit of learning in her rather than making it (school, studies) as a chore. I'm still trying....

[Busy Mom]

My son is also a "dreamer", I have had numerous complaints from his preschool teachers over the last couple of years. Now that he is in standard 1, the trait still shows from his current school work, recent exam papers (careless mistakes towards the end of the paper).

I too, am looking for ways to help my boy to improve his concentration span. I think the education system that we have (classroom and academic focused) is not suitable for all, if not most kids, some may find it dull and uninteresting and hence lose focus.

There was an interesting article in the Star last Saturday which I'd like to share.

http://thestar.com.my/metro/story.asp?file=/2011/3/5/central/8184980&sec=central

Twique,
My daughter will be going into std 1 next year, thats why i'm trying to nip the problem now otherwise it'll be tough for her (and me). Not forgetting she's enrolled to Lick Hung whose famous for its reputation of high expectations on their students.

Thanks for the article, i came across it last sat.. :)

[currymee]

Give the elder child a break

A really good article from The Star, I am also guilty some times ... :o :o :o :o :o

http://parenthots.com/features/Give-the-elder-child-a-break.aspx

[currymee]

Excuse me, are you a Tiger Mum?

Another most interesting article :)

http://parenthots.com/features/Excuse-me-are-you-a-Tiger-Mum.aspx

[Jennylim]

Twique,
My daughter will be going into std 1 next year, thats why i'm trying to nip the problem now otherwise it'll be tough for her (and me). Not forgetting she's enrolled to Lick Hung whose famous for its reputation of high expectations on their students.

Thanks for the article, i came across it last sat.. :)

Hi, Busy Mom, did you finally figure out the solution? Don't mind sharing if u found one?

[wongjie90]

Twique,
My daughter will be going into std 1 next year, thats why i'm trying to nip the problem now otherwise it'll be tough for her (and me). Not forgetting she's enrolled to Lick Hung whose famous for its reputation of high expectations on their students.

Thanks for the article, i came across it last sat.. :)
I quite not understand your statement of " famous for its reputation of high expectations on their students ", how about for those slow learning students?

[currymee]

I quite not understand your statement of " famous for its reputation of high expectations on their students ", how about for those slow learning students?

You mean you don't know about LH's infamous "reputation" as the ultimate child pressure-cooker ? :eek: :eek:

[LMei]

Interesting read for all parents.

http://edition.cnn.com/2011/09/06/living/teachers-want-to-tell-parents/index.html

[wongjie90]

You mean you don't know about LH's infamous "reputation" as the ultimate child pressure-cooker ? :eek: :eek:
I understand a lot of parents want thier child enter this school but not every students can stand this kind of pressure.For those slow learning students, you have to use different approaches/methods but not this way.

[Busy Mom]

Hi, Busy Mom, did you finally figure out the solution? Don't mind sharing if u found one?
Hi Jennylim…..Well, I don't really have any specialised method or solution:) But I talk to her a lot explaining the importance of listening and paying attention to what others (eg. teachers) are saying. Giving her examples of what will happen if she does not pay attention and listen carefully.

Surprisingly, it works and I can see that overall she has improved a lot. Even her pre-school teachers commented the same. I think she is slowly grasping the concept of learning now.

[Jennylim]

Thanks for sharing.

[LMei]

I agree with this...

http://www.babycenter.com/204_less-play-time-means-more-troubled-kids-experts-say_10357766.bc?scid=bigkid_20110927:2&pe=ZUxTbVl1fDIwMTEwOTI3

[LMei]

http://www.babycenter.com/0_seven-ways-to-break-the-tv-habit_66833.bc?scid=mbtw_post5y_4m_1w:1132&pe=ZUxTbVl1fDIwMTExMDAx