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View Full Version : As a parent, what's your view?



Tan Pek Lim
20-11-2009, 12:44 PM
my kid is doing SPM now and i am anxious to know what you guys think

by giving him the utmost freedom of choosing his course (wants to do business), he is just
(1) taking for granted that i'm not stopping him cos i feel the need to let him choose freely
(2) wont accept my advice or take into consideration (i ADVICE him to do something more specific, like law or something as his results are good)
(3) i fear his friends are influencing him too much and he will just follow

i donno whether to just let him do wat he wants or force him a bit...he will hate me but oh well how long can he be mad for heaven's sake. my other half doesnt care and it frustrates me too :(

fongkimseng
20-11-2009, 02:05 PM
You can ask him to consider doing accountancy as a compromise - at least he can go forward and get a professional qualification later.

Tan Pek Lim
20-11-2009, 05:16 PM
dont really understand you...as in do a professional cert?

so you're saying try negotiating (he'll think im forcing) with him? maybe i can send him to a work place to let him see what kind of work ppl do. or one of those talks..wat u think?
have u any experience like this?

fongkimseng
20-11-2009, 05:41 PM
dont really understand you...as in do a professional cert?

so you're saying try negotiating (he'll think im forcing) with him? maybe i can send him to a work place to let him see what kind of work ppl do. or one of those talks..wat u think?
have u any experience like this?

I was thinking more along the line of going to do an Accounting Degree in a university and then upon graduation, he can further to a profesional qualification like ICAEW (CA), ACCA, CIMA or if he likes stockmarket CFA - all highly valuable and sought-after professional qualifications.

I suggested accounting because it is closer to his stated desire of business studies compared to say, law which you mentioned. That is just my opinion and I think you should have a good chat with your son about his future.

And as for sending him to see how people work, that is a good idea and exposure, that will help him to think and plan.

Try not to "fight" if you can, and no, I do not have such direct confrontational experience before although I have advised my nephews and nieces in the past on careers and further education.

Jennylim
20-11-2009, 11:55 PM
Some SPM students are not mature enough to make the best decision for themselves. Yes, peer influence is real, I know of people who just follow their friend when choosing their course. If you know your child well, and knowing what is suitable for his character, his interest, etc, you may have to choose for him if you know he is not really making his own choice(but the friend).

Practicing Law in Malaysia is not as interesting, try attending a few court sessions, you will know what I mean.

You may also consider delaying his decision by putting him to a pre-U course so he has more time to think over.

ahtal68
21-11-2009, 11:07 AM
dont really understand you...as in do a professional cert?

so you're saying try negotiating (he'll think im forcing) with him? maybe i can send him to a work place to let him see what kind of work ppl do. or one of those talks..wat u think?
have u any experience like this?

If you like I will pm you my friends number (with her approval of course), her son also did extremely well in his SPM and now pursuing a Finance,Accounting & Business degree and doing his foundation. Maybe your child can benefit from talking with him and get a better understanding since they are of nearer age group.
Let me know.

ahtal68
21-11-2009, 11:13 AM
You may also consider delaying his decision by putting him to a pre-U course so he has more time to think over.

On the above note, most professional courses requires a year or so of foundation (http://www.sunway.edu.my/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=1444&Itemid=1310&lang=iso-8859-1) of some sort.

LMei
23-11-2009, 10:41 AM
I always suggest (and seen positive results) that the kid goes out and work for at least a year in the corporate world outside first to get a feel of things. Then when they decide to study, they normally do better and does not have any regrets in choosing the course. Also they are more mature and able to handle their studies well. Don't worry about wasting their time and not getting their degrees sooner. They're gonna be working the rest of their lives till retirement or later.....

dwch
23-11-2009, 12:27 PM
As parents, I do not believe in forcing our young adults (children) into any kinds of career of our choice which is theirs. After all, it is their life and career not yours. The only thing a parent can do is to encourage and support them in whatever way we can even when is not our choice. The more we, as parents, force them into sometime which is not in their heart is quite damaging especially their personal career. I believe in letting them decide and live their life. I find too many asian parents placing too much force into their childrens' career path just because theirs went wrong. Once our kids leave secondary school they are adults and have the right to choose their own career paths and is not our decisions to make

Perhaps you should bring your child to university open days. I'm sure you have such programmes too in Malaysia. My child is 17 and next year will be doing her final VCE (school living certificate) for entrance into university. Here we have very good universities open days and career expo as well. We/She (as well with the school) went to all kinds of course information sessions such as law, medical and radiography imaging, forensic science, justice administration etc etc. Here all the lectures/head of departments and existing 1,2 and final year students gave the school kids (as well parents) some very good information and advice on the expectation of different courses. Here career counselling starts from year 9(aged 14-15)

In the current work force, it is a norm for people whether blue or while collar to change their profession/career at least once or twice in our life-time. Many people, who discovered they are not pleased with their chosen career when they first entered the workforce have managed to change their career 180 degrees successfully in many diffenrent ways. I've seen many ppl in ther 30s and 40s return to uni to upgrade their skills. So after all is not end of world yet.

jimmyay
23-11-2009, 03:09 PM
I am not parent, so can i comment? :)

Anyway, he wanted to go into biz, right?
Many CEO comes from Accounting Background. As accountant, you will be securing a career. And you will know the biz inside out as everything involves $$.

(Try not to go, Business Admin, as it is too general)

LMei
23-11-2009, 03:40 PM
I am not parent, so can i comment? :)

Anyway, he wanted to go into biz, right?
Many CEO comes from Accounting Background. As accountant, you will be securing a career. And you will know the biz inside out as everything involves $$.

(Try not to go, Business Admin, as it is too general)
From experience, I loved Mathematics in school. My dad is an accountant and I always thought I will study and go into that line that cos I love numbers. However, after I tried working part-time in the accounting department of a company, I found that I do not like the kind of work at all. So thankfully I tried it out before I studied the course. It will be nightmare to get stuck in a job you don't like for the rest of your life.

jimmyay
23-11-2009, 05:59 PM
From experience, I loved Mathematics in school. My dad is an accountant and I always thought I will study and go into that line that cos I love numbers. However, after I tried working part-time in the accounting department of a company, I found that I do not like the kind of work at all. So thankfully I tried it out before I studied the course. It will be nightmare to get stuck in a job you don't like for the rest of your life.

Majority perceive that Mathematics link with Accounting...it is only 1 quarter of truth. You need to love keeping track of business information & learn to utilise it to love this profession.

The first phase to become accountant sucks. You got to clear up unwanted files, complete backlog, stick sticker to Fixed Asset, count the stock inside the hot warehouse....and so on. You are lucky if u have a good senior, else the worst is yet to come.

The fun start after you get your recognition or associate, then you become Mgr. You get to decide on important things...then your staff do the hard-work. You get to think about important report to do...then your staff do the hard-work again. You get to decide who to pay first and who not to pay first...hahhahha

Then to be CEO, you need to learn networking and people mgmt. Numbers and all those scary report for BURSA is just as simple as A-B-C.

Blue Jasmine
24-11-2009, 09:49 AM
Try and bring him out for a drink and talk nicely to him. And then tell him what is your opinion. Dont say I want you too,,,,say in my opinion ....then later listen to his opinion. I think a good communication will help both of you. Be patience, trust that he is capable of making his own decision. If your other half doenst care maybe he just trust that your son will make the right choice.

jimmyay
24-11-2009, 10:18 AM
Parent can only help so much. Your kid will find his way. It may not be a smooth highway. It may be a bumpy kampung road....don't worry.
The is a thin line between "CONCERN" or "PAMPERED" or "OVER-PROTECTIVE". If thing don't go well, it is a learning point.


How i choose my path:-
My mum asked my elder cousin (a few of them) to talk to me to make sure i don't make the wrong decision. Peer talking to peer seems better. Money is a constraint in my family. Therefore, i made my decision with 'no u-turn' road. Make sure i can earn back asap on how much my education will cost me.

My mum can support financially until my college time. After that, whether it is a good decision or a bad one, i have to take full responsibility. If i want to U-Turn, pay for the mistake myself....never go back to family again.

Tan Pek Lim
24-11-2009, 12:22 PM
thanks guys for the replies, your point of views are very much appreciated, from all of you

sorry kimseng, i hope you didnt get offended with my reply.

jenny: i understand what you meant about practicing law. but i was thinking that law will give him other options too. it's not all about courtroom. there are other jobs in office as well. i just want him to consider you know.

ahtal: foundation...that one is sort of a last resort la.

LMei: that's a very good suggestion. i will think about it. but also last resort lor. how do i get him to do that? is it get him an office job? website?

dwch: yea i know. asians being asians. he's my kid la you know! :) i'll take him go to the edufairs. these things got those talks about what course can do what and stuff right?

jimmy: accounting got a lot of money..thats for sure. hard work first, later on will be good la. a lot of path he can take also right?

bluejasmine: thank you very much for the advice. sometimes i lose patience thats all :(

LMei
24-11-2009, 01:35 PM
LMei: that's a very good suggestion. i will think about it. but also last resort lor. how do i get him to do that? is it get him an office job? website?(
Just look around and keep and open mind. There are lots of job for school leavers, try out office job if career path is in the business direction. My sis worked in a hospital's lab for a year before she decided to study psychology. Some people tried out part-time work with event management companies and enjoyed event management. I did part-time in mainly office environment doing admin and customer service.

Website, I suppose you can try out jobstreet...

liz-kong
24-11-2009, 01:44 PM
tan, my opinion is that i totally agree with dwch. but as you said, being asian, we want some control also la.
maybe you can go with him to education fairs and things. FACON education fair is 5 & 6 dec, NAPEI is 12 & 13 dec. experience these things with him. discuss it while information is around you and you both can ask questions to cousellors.
i heard of INTI having a workshop, experiential-type. they can do some role-playing in real-life work situations and do what people who graduate and work in certain jobs really do. so you go there, or you ask him to go (with his friends if you must) there'll be lecturers and advisors there to assist him with questions and things.
that way you know he wont be making rash decision. and he can be responsible with his choices because he has been exposed to these sort of thing. i not sure about the workshop schedule but i know will be ongoing through the month the first one is coming soon. more info you need to call them up (1300-88-4684 i think..if not find it here (http://www.newinti.edu.my/)) inti having it for free whereas some places have to pay for this type of workshop. so no loss la.
my advice is, if you have to push him a little, do it and talk to him nicely..patience is a virtue, particularly when dealing with his life here.

Tan Pek Lim
01-12-2009, 04:06 PM
thanks Lmei..i'll talk to him about it. this thing i cant do for him...he must want to do it himself. i guess there's no real hurry, if he thinks its ok then i might let him do. provided he gets a decent gig

liz how do i see the schedule for this thing? is it every campus? must sign up?

liz-kong
02-12-2009, 01:09 PM
tan, u can go here (http://www.theintiexperience.com/) to see the schedule. i think you need to sign up and the campuses that are participating are there also. got quite a lot of courses can try; business, science, english, career xploration (probably those who donno where to go), engineering, psychology, chinese medicine, communication and IT. Its all free and can sign up la however many.

can ask your son go to business one, and try others too

ahtal68
02-12-2009, 05:51 PM
tan, u can go here (http://www.theintiexperience.com/) to see the schedule. i think you need to sign up and the campuses that are participating are there also. got quite a lot of courses can try; business, science, english, career xploration (probably those who donno where to go), engineering, psychology, chinese medicine, communication and IT. Its all free and can sign up la however many.

can ask your son go to business one, and try others too

Thanks so much for the link, I have just registered my boy, he is bringing a few friends as well. Inti is kind enough to accept F4 students as well.

liz-kong
07-12-2009, 12:29 PM
Thanks so much for the link, I have just registered my boy, he is bringing a few friends as well. Inti is kind enough to accept F4 students as well.

glad you found it useful :) starting your boy young i see? hehe bring more friends more merrier too. what did you register him for? will u go along with him?

chanelt
07-12-2009, 01:30 PM
I was thinking more along the line of going to do an Accounting Degree in a university and then upon graduation, he can further to a profesional qualification like ICAEW (CA), ACCA, CIMA or if he likes stockmarket CFA - all highly valuable and sought-after professional qualifications.

I suggested accounting because it is closer to his stated desire of business studies compared to say, law which you mentioned. That is just my opinion and I think you should have a good chat with your son about his future.

And as for sending him to see how people work, that is a good idea and exposure, that will help him to think and plan.

Try not to "fight" if you can, and no, I do not have such direct confrontational experience before although I have advised my nephews and nieces in the past on careers and further education.

I share with you my life.....

I am a number genius but love drawing & design. When I was 18 yo, my adopted mother & brother paid for my course fee and wanted me to be a professional accountant (that time I was too young to figure out future). I gave up my drawing & committed into Accountancy. Now, I am early 30s, senior post with 5 digit income. Yes, people sees me as successfully professional, but I feel extremely bad. My life is just like HELL, a disaster. My hair all turned white, everyday hectic life, imsonia, I don't know the feel of happy anymore..... I hate my job!!! I hate my life!!! I hate this reality!!! politic politic politic!!! I will work few years more and retire in a small town.

Blue Jasmine
07-12-2009, 02:47 PM
I share with you my life.....

I am a number genius but love drawing & design. When I was 18 yo, my adopted mother & brother paid for my course fee and wanted me to be a professional accountant (that time I was too young to figure out future). I gave up my drawing & committed into Accountancy. Now, I am early 30s, senior post with 5 digit income. Yes, people sees me as successfully professional, but I feel extremely bad. My life is just like HELL, a disaster. My hair all turned white, everyday hectic life, imsonia, I don't know the feel of happy anymore..... I hate my job!!! I hate my life!!! I hate this reality!!! politic politic politic!!! I will work few years more and retire in a small town.


5 digit income and you are not happy. wow i dont mind exchange my job with you then...lol

ahtal68
08-12-2009, 12:05 AM
glad you found it useful :) starting your boy young i see? hehe bring more friends more merrier too. what did you register him for? will u go along with him?

Yeah, he went for "IT: Uncover Your IT Potentials." I couldnt go with him. He enjoyed it and has registered for the one on Network Security scheduled for the 22nd. Thanks again!!

LMei
08-12-2009, 10:47 AM
My life is just like HELL, a disaster. My hair all turned white, everyday hectic life, imsonia, I don't know the feel of happy anymore..... I hate my job!!! I hate my life!!! I hate this reality!!! politic politic politic!!! I will work few years more and retire in a small town.
Well I think you should take control of your life and decide what you want out of it. There's no point having all that money and end up not enjoying your own life. Take a break and watch Christmas carol.... maybe there's some meaning to what life may be about.

Tan Pek Lim
08-12-2009, 10:55 AM
chanelt sorry to hear your story.. i do realise also how i shudnt force my son to do what i want..just want him to make sure. i will ask him to go for the workshops and explore a bit but at end of the day, let him make decision. if he falls, catch him perhaps. just hoping that doesnt happen and i dont have to. i think a lot of people would trade your life with theirs (hehe case in point: bluejasmine :). maybe its not too late. you can still pursue art. u say retire in a small town. u can pursue it then. im sure u can take an art course and go for your dream. if not a dream, a passion.
hang in there buddy.

Hiliary
12-12-2009, 10:25 AM
I feel so sorry for anyone leaving school or having to make a life long education choice today. There is almost zero guidence for young people.
I can remeber when i left school in the late 70's there were more jobs than people, i just took the highest salary.

I did electrical engineering, a few years ago i realised that mechanical engineering would have been a far better choice.
Less than 2% of the global population are true engineers, i am talking about people who really design something from scratch, not the people who read a drawing and get their hands dirty. Positions are available in the auto, petro chemical, aero space industries to name a few.
How many young people have been told "How about designing an F1 car or a new corporate jet?"

At the end of the day money does not equal happiness, contentment with your life and lot equals happiness.
There is always someone with a higher salary, a larger house or car etc but are they happy or are they in debt for years?

Readers Digest ran a story a few years ago. Either an Australian or an English 16 year old boy told his father he did not want to go for further education as he knew he was not smart enough, he wanted to work with his hands. His father gave him the money (that would have been spent on education) to start his own business and said to the boy thats it, there is no more money.
The responses, mainly from Singapore, were all similar. You are the worst father in the world, you have denied your son an education.

A year later RD did a follow up. The boy made more money in his first year than his father made in 3 years. The boy had travelled to a few countries, he was enjoying his life. His businesss? Building and repairing dry stone walls.

Now show me one teacher anywhere in the world that would advise the kid at the bottom of the class to start his own business.

AllUrban
13-12-2009, 06:24 PM
Now show me one teacher anywhere in the world that would advise the kid at the bottom of the class to start his own business.heheheh m stands up to be counted.

Whenever I teach business classes and economics classes I do my best to focus on small business and hawker stall as well.

They are the best sources for real, hands on business knowledge and skills...and they manage to stick close to the product sold and the customers to understand what they want.

Cheers, m

Hiliary
13-12-2009, 07:34 PM
heheheh m stands up to be counted.

Whenever I teach business classes and economics classes I do my best to focus on small business and hawker stall as well.

They are the best sources for real, hands on business knowledge and skills...and they manage to stick close to the product sold and the customers to understand what they want.

Cheers, m

I hope you get the recognition you deserve!