PDA

View Full Version : My maid is a thief



Lau_utlang
30-01-2009, 12:28 PM
Recently, my maid of 15 years have been stealing money. suspect this has been happening for the last 6mnth-1 year. Took such a long time to notice as we have come to trust her.

I am fed up and intend to sent her back. However, I do not want to give too much notice to her as she may/will run away if given the notice. She knows too much about my family and it would be dangerous if information is misused. Considering the economic situation, it is very possible.

Any advice on how to manage this situation would be most helpful

LaDiDa
30-01-2009, 12:58 PM
Oh, that's nothing new to me, I've had more bad than good experiences with the maids I've had. One thing for sure, you should never trust them too much. After all they are still strangers in your house, not part of your family, you don't know what background they came from, and as long as they live with you, you are vulnerable.
If you have already decided to send her back, spring a surprise on her. Is an agent still handling her work permit? What I have done numerous times when I had to sack the maid was this. Inform the agent you are sacking her and they will do the necessary cancellations, get the pp ready, get some loose Rupiah just enough to cover her transportation and pocket money, buy her one-way ticket, of course give no clue or warning at all to her. If you are preparing the balance of her pay by bank draft, calculate & deduct the amount she has stolen (estimate, if you know), deduct the ticket price if you wish, after all, she is in the wrong and has inconvenienced you. Don't even confront her yet about the stealing. Business as usual. Come D-day, just 30 min before you intend to leave the house to send her to the airport (after she has cleaned the house spanking clean of course), ask her to bring out all her belongings, lay them out on the floor. It's better to have your husband around in case she tries something funny. Morning flight is better, to be fair to her, you don't want her arriving at night to have to make her way to her kampung. That's when you tell her all you want to tell her. Give her the solid reason why you are doing this. Don't let her go to the bathroom, get her to just bring out her stuff, watch her every minute. Keep her under your eye while you sift through her things. Check pockets, seams etc. She'll be shell-shocked, maybe sobbing, but don't soften up and give in at this stage. Tear out any phone nos., notes she has written or throw them away. She should not be allowed to bring them home. Anything suspicious, like your family photos, hair, anything belonging to you or your family, confiscate. No last minute calls to her friends here. Retain her Indon relative's phone no and address so you call call them after this. If she is changing to outside clothes, choose and bring them to her, watch her while she is changing in the bathroom (not her room). Then, gather her things and pack her off. Better not to drive alone with her sitting behind you. Better to have your husband drive and you sit next to her while going to the airport.
Bet you, as days go by, you will discover more and more things missing. Also you might find things hidden at strange places.
Good luck, and be safe.

tupai
30-01-2009, 03:59 PM
Better is if u have proof of thievery...make a police report and have her arrested, and charged with theft...

solve all manners of problem too.

Yang Boleh bagi masuk jail latotupai

Lau_utlang
30-01-2009, 04:01 PM
Ladida, Thanks for the detailed description of what to do. No. I do not have a maid agency and will have to do the cancellations myself.

Do I have to make any police reports? Knowing how things work here. It is very possible that she will find her way back here. If possible, I would like to make it more difficult for this to happen . Like puting her boidata on some govt blacklist, etc

chewie
30-01-2009, 04:42 PM
she been staying with you for 15 years and only recently started ? does she have any family problem ?? is she herself facing any problem ?? my advice is talk to her first... she what is the problem or excuse she is giving...then only make your judgement...

IsaacVky
30-01-2009, 04:44 PM
Ladida, Thanks for the detailed description of what to do. No. I do not have a maid agency and will have to do the cancellations myself.

Do I have to make any police reports? Knowing how things work here. It is very possible that she will find her way back here. If possible, I would like to make it more difficult for this to happen . Like puting her boidata on some govt blacklist, etc


They just change their name and get a new passport. Its so easy to do it in Indonesia.

tupai
30-01-2009, 06:35 PM
They just change their name and get a new passport. Its so easy to do it in Indonesia.

tats Y i said, make polis repot...let thief go str8 2 jail, no pass go/balik kampong! :o


Yang Bagi pencuri masuk jail latotupai

ginaphan
30-01-2009, 07:22 PM
Normally, when this happens (esp after so long), something has changed - either she has a new bf or she plans to run away or she plans to go home.

As LaDida said - make sure it is a surprise and she is not to have a hint on what you are planning to do. If you think it is too much hassle of sending her to airport et al (and risk her making a scene at the airport), arrange to send her to the agent's place.

What we did the last time we had to terminate the maid's contract, we came back to the house and told her that we could not renew her work permit. No explanation given and then asked her to pack and send her to the agent. Prior to this, we made arrangement with the agent to terminate her work permit, to purchase the airticket, to apply for a new maid. We paid the agent to do the rest like sending her to the airport.

Check that all the house keys are left behind.

It must be trusted agent so that they don't 'jual' your maid to another employer. If you feel better, change the locks, and your phone numbers. Make sure her old friends don't call and influence your new maid.

jimmyay
30-01-2009, 11:51 PM
she been staying with you for 15 years and only recently started ? does she have any family problem ?? is she herself facing any problem ?? my advice is talk to her first... she what is the problem or excuse she is giving...then only make your judgement...

Is it 15 years? Or is she 15 years old?

msiablueskies
31-01-2009, 12:48 AM
Is it 15 years? Or is she 15 years old?

Hello bang, 15 years mana boleh kerja di boleh land...jaga diri pun tak bisa ma.. :)

joker2107
31-01-2009, 01:06 AM
myu vote for ladida and ginaphan. forget about revenge. learn to forgive and forget cos part of the fault is in the employer being too complacent. i've had my share of problems, though not with loss of valuables. calls made to mobile phones, maid hanging out at public phone, maid not answering phone when no one else is home, etc. and they are not all indons, tho the runaways are always indons.

maybe i'm a little too kind - i actually gave a little bonus to my cambodian maid and bought little gifts for her very young kids - all totalling less than one months pay. then again, her dad died while she was in my employment, and she was not aware of it. she'd be terribly shocked to have no daddy's arms to hug her when she gets home. i know she'd miss him terribly cos she used to speak of him on and off.

LaDiDa
31-01-2009, 12:20 PM
my advice is talk to her first... she what is the problem or excuse she is giving...then only make your judgement...

That's not the way to go. They are beyond discussion, beyond negotiation. They don't have the same thought process and values like what we expect or are used to here. They don't think long-term, they don't care about consequences, they look for immediate gratification, they are never consistent, they change their mind on a whim, they listen to their own kind rather than our kind, they have no conscience. I've had 7 maids so far, in varying degrees of goodness/badness, but the common thread running through all of them is what I've just described. That's why they always remain as maids. If they are capable of listening to and following what we advice, they would eventually come out of their dire situation, but no, our help and advice fall flat.
It's always a must to set down the rules the day they start work, I mean, in black and white. Yes, even things like, bohong, curi....remember you take it for granted here but shouldn't with them. It must be clear with them, once they transgress, out they go. Once they start stealing (or you start finding out), or doing things against the rule book, you can start looking for a new maid. Confront them too much, they begin to hate you and take it out on you in other ways. If you can keep secrets, they can too. So don't let it continue any much longer, she could run away anytime, ie with a stash of money and you're not doing anything about it. Worse, if they run away, not only will that stolen money be gone, many of your other valuables too. You sack her, she gets nothing. Key is, don't even give a hint, just do it ASAP.

bslee
31-01-2009, 12:40 PM
That's not the way to go. They are beyond discussion, beyond negotiation. They don't have the same thought process and values like what we expect or are used to here. They don't think long-term, they don't care about consequences, they look for immediate gratification, they are never consistent, they change their mind on a whim, they listen to their own kind rather than our kind, they have no conscience. I've had 7 maids so far, in varying degrees of goodness/badness, but the common thread running through all of them is what I've just described. That's why they always remain as maids. If they are capable of listening to and following what we advice, they would eventually come out of their dire situation, but no, our help and advice fall flat.

I agree entirely with LaDiDa. No talk, no discuss.. its OUT you go the moment if its anything criminal! The faster the better.
People here: PLEASE TAKE NOTE!.. they're mostly entirely different mindset and mentality from local employees who's born and bred here.
As LaDiDa says, They don't give a damn to you however convincing they can seem to be. They don't give a damn!..its pure survival instinct you're NOT going to be happy about when issues crop up!
Having said all that, nevertheless they're still not to be abused or mistreated in any manner. I don't think folks are getting anymore good maids unless you're willing to pay the price...period!.

EricK
03-02-2009, 11:51 AM
I am just wondering why get a maid then with all the hassle and problems that come with it.... as some 1 earlier in the thread has pointed out that they have gone through 7 maids... why continue to submit yourself to the problems? an aunt of mine has given up on live in maid but gets an cleaner to comes in twice a week to clean her house under supervision of course.. but she complains on the quality of work.. just can't win

tupai
03-02-2009, 11:54 AM
I am just wondering why get a maid then with all the hassle and problems that come with it.... as some 1 earlier in the thread has pointed out that they have gone through 7 maids... why continue to submit yourself to the problems? an aunt of mine has given up on live in maid but gets an cleaner to comes in twice a week to clean her house under supervision of course.. but she complains on the quality of work.. just can't win

heheheheheh....we all wanna have a damngoood life lah.

try livin' in any western or downunder country...see whetehr they bitch 'bout the samo maid thingy or not...hahahahahah DIY lah!

I am the laziest of ALL lazy (& complaining & whining) malaysians :D :D

Yang Banyak goodlife ahavin' latotupai

isarahim
03-02-2009, 01:36 PM
I would advice everyone to be close and personal with their maids. This will normally prevent any issues. Treat the maid as part of the family. Give decent accommodation; don't put them in the doghouse type rooms like I've seen in recent apartment blocks (one example being the quite new OCBC apartments near the Raintree Club in Ampang.... i was disgusted when I saw it.... )

Especially when it regards Indonesian maids, it is to be noted that Malaysian Malays seldom have any problems, whereas Indians and Chinese get all the problems. Sure, the cultural affinity play a role, and that Malays often source maids via family connections in Medan, Palembang, Minang or Pekanbaru, but it's not the whole answer. I have experienced Indian families who treat the maids similar to the best of the Malays, and they don't seem to encounter any problems either. There was a case when the maid was under stress because her husband had gambled away her savings, but since there was a cordiality within the family she was not afraid of telling the truth and the problem could be dealt with.

Maids are not industrial robots, they are human beings too!

Rhiga
03-02-2009, 02:00 PM
Individuals are different including Indonesian maids. There are maid who can be trusted can be treated as family members. Theer are maids which you just cannot trust.

Use you own judgement, especially she has been with you for 15 years. You should be able to decide the harsh way or the diplomatic ways.

Be Safe. Cheers

ginaphan
03-02-2009, 02:23 PM
Not to sound defensive: we try our best to treat the maid as part of the family. We even take them on our holidays and they are included in our festivities. We provide a private room for them but it's not lavish, I do admit. They keep all their earnings and everything they need while they are in our employ - right down to toiletries and even underwear, we buy for them.

From day 1, we trust them and never lock up our things, including the little money we sometimes have lying around the house.

But there are times when we don't get the trust back from them. I do realise that what you said about non-Malays having problems. There may be another side of the coin, though - they come into our homes with a pre-position that non-Malays cannot be trusted. I think the ill-treatment from the non-Malay agency staff is one of the contributing factors. The other is maybe the inability to communicate (cultural more than language).

Anyway, in my case, we had to send that maid back because she was lying about her boyfriend being her husband. From what we hear from the neighbours, she had sneaked her boyfriend into our house before. To top it, that 'husband' of hers called my hubby to borrow money from him. She was blatantly flaunting her 'husband' by chatting on the phone for a long time. According to my kids, this 'husband' was one of the workers when my neighbour renovated their house. The last straw was when we detected money missing from our wallets.


I've have had a host of experience ranging from good to the very horribly bad (just 1 night and we kicked her out).

ginaphan
03-02-2009, 04:45 PM
(on the last one)

She was not a foreigner so we asked her to go home.