PDA

View Full Version : What happened to the Children nowadays?



maze79
29-08-2008, 12:26 AM
Just as usual i was dropping my daughter to her Kindy, and yet this really supprised me.

I saw a mother was trying to get her son off the car and send in to the kindy, with many kinds of bribery and condition the mother offered. And it even come to the extend that she need to beg for her son to go to school, right front at the gate of the kindy.

I mean come on what is going on?!? Later than i ask the mother, only i found out that the son didn't want to go schooling, because of the mother failed to buy him a sticker book.

Wow... ... then i only notice that actually children nowadays are really getting the best out from their parents. Sorry to say that, sometimes i do give in too. What to do??!!

So which is why, nowadays the children are more of the authoritarian comparing the olden days.

birdy
29-08-2008, 08:34 AM
I think the importance here is to convey the importance of schooling to the children. Like what I did to my 5yo daughter, I will tell her the importance of schooling and associate this with constructing a building. Without a strong base, the building will collapse. Yes, we can bribe them occassionally but not on wanting them to do something... we should REWARD them for doing something good instead. :)

So far, I am pleased with my daughter attitude. :)

maze79
29-08-2008, 02:02 PM
Yah i do agree with that.
Actually when they are infant even though in mummy's womb, we as mother oughta start educate them and teach them.
And we must also know when to give and when is not the time to.

Well, i guess children nowadays is very different from the olden days. I think most probably is because the environment and all sorts of media revolving around them.

I would say children nowadays are at risk.
Which is why being parents nowadays is neither easy too.

orchipalar
29-08-2008, 03:35 PM
Err buddies...Orchi begs to differ in opinion...

There are no different children...but more often than not...there are certainly different parents...

mamamia
02-09-2008, 10:25 PM
Hi Orchi... actually definitely every child is different, which is why every child is unique at their way

Anyway, i do agree, educating our child is never an easy job, So here's 1 BIG encouragement for all the parents out there. Keep up the GOOD WORK. :) and smile what ever it is.

orchipalar
02-09-2008, 10:33 PM
Hi Orchi... actually definitely every child is different, which is why every child is unique at their wayErr buddy...perhaps you misunderstood...

When others say the children nowadays are different from the children in the past...Orchi stressed there are no difference...

The parents nowadays are different...

prometheus85
02-09-2008, 10:46 PM
Hello guys, Well actually i do kinda agree, children now in these days are different from the children in past.

Now if you can put it this way
Through Physically, they are intaking more nutritious food, all sorts of brain food and etc etc. their size and growth are much different from last time.

Mentally, they are so stressed up with their school work load, and some of them even have to attend piano lesson, violin lesson, ballet, swimming, art, you name it.. many more to go.

Sorry to say that, but they've lost something that we used to have at our young age. "Childhood".

orchipalar
02-09-2008, 10:57 PM
Sorry to say that, but they've lost something that we used to have at our young age. "Childhood".Err buddy...if Orchi may ask...by whose doing is that...?

kwchang
02-09-2008, 11:31 PM
...children now in these days are different from the children in past...Mentally, they are so stressed up with their school work load, and some of them even have to attend piano lesson, violin lesson, ballet, swimming, art, you name it..they've lost ..."Childhood".
Usually, the common comparative comment about "children of the past" is that...
children nowadays are less subservient, more argumentative and less respectful of their elders. I am not making a generalisation here - just repeating the type of comment made by older folks these days.

pepsi
03-09-2008, 12:00 AM
:D LOL, children are someones' kids....in short we are all someone's children. we are all by- product of our parents upbringing and if we have kids, we are some kids' parents...
The irony of it.....
Our children's behaviour is a reflection of our behaviour and our behaviour is the reflection of our parent's behaviour, our parents behaviour, pulak are the reflection of our grandparents behaviour, so on so forth.....
If a child was a brat, the parents and the grandparent's didn't pass on the good traits ?
What about cases whereby siblings in a family are total opposites ?
One really good and the other totally lost case.
In short, we have to train from young and hope that our kids turn out fine, well mannered, honest, fillial or people are going to say we weren't good parents. :)

monkey01
03-09-2008, 10:55 AM
Err buddy...perhaps you misunderstood...

When others say the children nowadays are different from the children in the past...Orchi stressed there are no difference...

The parents nowadays are different...


:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

pepsi
03-09-2008, 08:24 PM
Monkeyo1, I don't know what you''re tring to say but I do understand what Orchipalar is trying to say? :confused:

jimmyay
21-09-2008, 10:32 PM
Every education start from HOME. To make sure, everything goes RIGHT, firstly check ourselves, our nannies. our tv, our internet, our friends, our neighbour, our relative & everything surrounding our HOME first. The children are INNOCENT, they are just like a vacuum cleaner sucking all the gems or rubbish around the house.

I know friends which have children with good attitude and some with poor attitude. Most of the time, it have strong correlation with the parent. Parent with good attitude will have higher chance to make sure their children with good attitude(however beware of other factor surrounding the kids)....but parent with poor attitude, chances of them teaching the kids to have good attitudes is DIFFICULT....

Jennylim
28-09-2008, 11:58 PM
I know friends which have children with good attitude and some with poor attitude. Most of the time, it have strong correlation with the parent. Parent with good attitude will have higher chance to make sure their children with good attitude(however beware of other factor surrounding the kids)....but parent with poor attitude, chances of them teaching the kids to have good attitudes is DIFFICULT....

I think the children's behaviour has got something to do with parents but, my children's attitude are very much different from ours. Why huh?

birdy
29-09-2008, 05:32 AM
I think the children's behaviour has got something to do with parents but, my children's attitude are very much different from ours. Why huh?
Different in the sense of good attitude or bad behaviour? :confused: Maybe they get the influences from TV and friends?

shthang
29-09-2008, 10:25 AM
Just as usual i was dropping my daughter to her Kindy, and yet this really supprised me.

I saw a mother was trying to get her son off the car and send in to the kindy, with many kinds of bribery and condition the mother offered. And it even come to the extend that she need to beg for her son to go to school, right front at the gate of the kindy.

I mean come on what is going on?!? Later than i ask the mother, only i found out that the son didn't want to go schooling, because of the mother failed to buy him a sticker book.

Wow... ... then i only notice that actually children nowadays are really getting the best out from their parents. Sorry to say that, sometimes i do give in too. What to do??!!

So which is why, nowadays the children are more of the authoritarian comparing the olden days.sometimes there are other reasons why the child refuses to go to school. i think the mother should have a talk with the child and the teacher to find out more. Of course, sometimes children will ask for something from parents, and it is the right time for us as a parent to let them know whether they really need it or just want it for the sake of something else.

kwchang
29-09-2008, 12:14 PM
sometimes there are other reasons why the child refuses....This reminds me of an example we had to tackle in a course on negotiations that I had the chance to attend many years ago...

Scenario ...

You find both your children fighting over one orange. Both of them insist they must take an orange to school for their individual school projects ... and you only have one orange in your fridge. Both yr kids are in different classes and they need one orange each. How do you resolve the issue?

Mammoth
29-09-2008, 02:30 PM
Scenario ...

You find both your children fighting over one orange. Both of them insist they must take an orange to school for their individual school projects ... and you only have one orange in your fridge. Both yr kids are in different classes and they need one orange each. How do you resolve the issue?
Just go to the shop or market to buy another one loh...

kwchang
29-09-2008, 03:32 PM
Just go to the shop or market to buy another one loh...
This is a test of negotiations skill ... you don't go buy another orange :) You'd fail the negotiations course if that was your solution.

candle
29-09-2008, 04:04 PM
This reminds me of an example we had to tackle in a course on negotiations that I had the chance to attend many years ago...

Scenario ...

You find both your children fighting over one orange. Both of them insist they must take an orange to school for their individual school projects ... and you only have one orange in your fridge. Both yr kids are in different classes and they need one orange each. How do you resolve the issue?
I'd tell my kids i'd halve the orange, take it or leave it. Hoping, one understanding kid would give in or .. They should've informed me earlier that they each needed an orange for their projects and i would've gotten them one each. Oh dude not a parent myself, would this work?

shthang
29-09-2008, 04:16 PM
This reminds me of an example we had to tackle in a course on negotiations that I had the chance to attend many years ago...

Scenario ...

You find both your children fighting over one orange. Both of them insist they must take an orange to school for their individual school projects ... and you only have one orange in your fridge. Both yr kids are in different classes and they need one orange each. How do you resolve the issue?
Firstly, tell them to stop fighting. Then, i will give the orange to the person who first informed me about the project, because i am sure the teacher would have given them a few days notice for the project. At the same time, i want them to know that they are responsible for the school works,and they should keep me informed so that i can prepare the oranges for them.

kwchang
29-09-2008, 04:35 PM
Thank you for trying to answer my situation on the orange but none of you got near to it yet. Try again ... I will give you the solution. It has a lot to do with understanding children (applicable to adults too)

Fabe18
29-09-2008, 06:26 PM
Generally, parents nowadays too sayang their children..
Why? Common answers would be:
- "I want to give the best to them"
- "I want to give them what my parents can't afford back then."

But if you give them too much.. They may not know how to get it themselves when they grow up...

jimmyay
29-09-2008, 06:38 PM
Generally, parents nowadays too sayang their children..
Why? Common answers would be:
- "I want to give the best to them"
- "I want to give them what my parents can't afford back then."

But if you give them too much.. They may not know how to get it themselves when they grow up...


Totally agreed. My uncle don't just give it to me...he said i have to work hard for it. I have to help to sell drinks in his shop to get pocket-money. Then it turn out most of my cousin that went thru this stage will appreciate the value of money the most.

kwchang
29-09-2008, 11:17 PM
...if you give them too much.. They may not know how to get it themselves when they grow up...This is good advice. It is very similar to what the world's 2nd richest man said about NOT leaving his billions to his children. In 1986, Warren Buffet was quoted in a Fortune Magazine article "Should You Leave It All to the Children? (http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/fortune_archive/1986/09/29/68098/index.htm)" which simply said that he would give his children just enough money so that they are able to do anything but not so much which would result in his children not doing anything at all. Think about that - it is a very profound statement and says a lot about today's parents just giving and giving without thinking.

For this simple reason, Warren Buffet had no problems in giving his billions away to charity when a normal person would leave it to his family when he dies. I think everyone should read that article.

birdy
30-09-2008, 05:46 AM
This reminds me of an example we had to tackle in a course on negotiations that I had the chance to attend many years ago...

Scenario ...

You find both your children fighting over one orange. Both of them insist they must take an orange to school for their individual school projects ... and you only have one orange in your fridge. Both yr kids are in different classes and they need one orange each. How do you resolve the issue?
It could be the project doesn't really require orange. It can be any other fruit. In this case, I will ask them to describe to me what project is in their mind. The one with best project wins the orange while the other one will get substitutes. ;)

kwchang
30-09-2008, 08:49 AM
It could be the project doesn't really require orange....I will ask them to describe to me what project is...
I will have to say Birdy is closest to the answer. The single pathway to understanding the situation is to ASK for why there was a quarrel in the first place. In this exercise on negotiations, we were taught that if we were to ask both parties what and why, we would be able to find out why they acted that way... and in some instances, the solution would stare us in our faces

In this negotiation exercise, for those who asked the right questions, they discovered that the boy needed to orange juice for a class experiment while the girl actually needed the orange peel for her baking class. Henceforth, the solution was to peel the orange, give the skin to the daughter and the boy brings the peeled orange to school. One single orange, for two different needs. We as adults always assume that we needed the whole orange for each child.

To bring it back to the topic, this is the basis of determining "what is happening to children nowadays" - I do not think children today are any different from children we were in our parents' time. One of the problem is we as parents or adults, seldom ask them why. This is what quality time is about - time to talk to our kids and to understand what goes on in their heads.

ginaphan
30-09-2008, 01:42 PM
To bring it back to the topic, this is the basis of determining "what is happening to children nowadays" - I do not think children today are any different from children we were in our parents' time.

Bingo! Its just nostalgic memory fuzzes up the reality when we look back. Obviously, times are different now and there's more need to counter the negative effects of society these days. We have also lost the community lives we grew up in.

(But I do try to compensate for the loss by including my children in extended family acitivities, providing more opportunities to run in open spaces, get their hands dirty.)

But children are still the same. People who grew up in our times did end up being bad: some are drug addicts, some turned criminal (on the streets or in the boardroom - same difference), and all of us stamped out our will against our parents too. You just don't remember it all and as usual, we sometimes blot out the bad.

That poor mother begging her child - she needs help, not critique. None of use went to parenting school before we decided to have kids. It's not an exact science. Besides, we cannot judge her parenting methods from just 1 event. We have not seen the rest of the 364 days, 23 hours on how she parents. (frankly, if I had a tough day at work, or had a big quarrel with hubby, and my child acts up, I'd be begging too for that little leeway to make life a bit easier that hour.)

I have siblings and multiple kids. I can confidently tell you that not all children are created the same - so we cannot apply the same methods on all our kids the same way. Behaviours are learnt but personalities are pre-programmed.

Just among my kids: 1 needs explanation and slow talk, the other needs firm guidelines and rules (exact rules: 1 hour of internet is 1 hour - not a minute more, not a minute less), the other needs hugs, kisses and constant reminders.

Most of us learn which works best with each child by trial and error. So, if you are successful with one, don't think your other is naughty just because the same method does not work.

If it is any help at all for the mothers out there: You need to take heed to the strong-willed child. I have one and can tell you what a hard time I had. But in comparison to other mothers I've read about, I had it good. If you want that child to turn out good, you need to equip yourself. Just Hugs, kisses, bribery and threats will not work. You need to have a strong resolve to do it. Statistically, these kids have the odds against them if you don't counter it as early as possible. But first, please determine correctly that he/she is indeed a strong-willed child. Don't label him/her such just because of the tantrums they throw. All kids throw tantrums.

Remember that God did not only give you your kids to bless you. He also gave them you as a parent for a reason.

I hope this helps. My kids are in their tweens and teens so the jury is still out as to whether I am doing the right thing. Perhaps, when all are in their teens, the hormones are riding high and all my hair have been torn out - I will have more to add.

Mrs A Tham
05-12-2008, 10:53 AM
Chang, rgd to your orange issue...............

Obviously both your kids are not of the same age (unless they are twins) so they may need the orange each for a project but the timing may be different?

One may need it at 9am and the other at 11am? So the orange goes to the one with the earlier project and when she finishes with it, just pass it to the other who needs it later...
:D Then again if the earlier project does not require for the orange to be cut and consume :)

Then again if both needed it at the same time, I'd rather eat the orange and sent them to school each without one becoz both knows of the importance but no one utter a word until the last minute, so let them face a little uneasy/punishment at school for being 1) forgetful and 2) outcome of not preparing ahead and doing things last minute. A lesson need to be taught so they are able to understand the importance of preparation, responsibility, effort........there's always a price to learning, an orange now is better than a bigger issue in life later!!

What's the solution anyway? :confused:

Blue Jasmine
05-12-2008, 11:10 AM
mr chang have stated the solution as above

LMei
05-12-2008, 05:25 PM
sometimes there are other reasons why the child refuses to go to school. i think the mother should have a talk with the child and the teacher to find out more. Of course, sometimes children will ask for something from parents, and it is the right time for us as a parent to let them know whether they really need it or just want it for the sake of something else.
My friend's daughter was attending kindy happily for 1.5 years. Then suddenly she refused to go to school and started crying each time her mum drops her off. So since this is not her normal behaviour, her mother tried to cajole her and 'bribe' her first. Later she found out that some kids in the class have been bullying her daughter.

AllUrban
06-12-2008, 12:11 PM
This reminds me of an example we had to tackle in a course on negotiations that I had the chance to attend many years ago...

Scenario ...

You find both your children fighting over one orange. Both of them insist they must take an orange to school for their individual school projects ... and you only have one orange in your fridge. Both yr kids are in different classes and they need one orange each. How do you resolve the issue?I would give the orange to whichever child can answer this question:

"can you think of any word that rhymes with orange?"

the child that would get the answer correct would get the orange, the other child would get a drawing of the orange.

Cheers, m

Mrs A Tham
06-12-2008, 02:23 PM
mr chang have stated the solution as above
thks. ....wonder why I don't see it yesterday? hmmmmm? :rolleyes:

Mrs A Tham
06-12-2008, 02:28 PM
My friend's daughter was attending kindy happily for 1.5 years. Then suddenly she refused to go to school and started crying each time her mum drops her off. So since this is not her normal behaviour, her mother tried to cajole her and 'bribe' her first. Later she found out that some kids in the class have been bullying her daughter.

Which kindy is this? A friend use to have this problem and its norm...but the class teacher did inform the mommy in the daily message book there had been a dispute in class and the child may not be willing to go back but mommy and teacher settled the prob and the bullies also got attention of their mommies explaining their wrong doing and later everyone is good friends.

kwchang
07-12-2008, 01:01 AM
Allurban, looks like you missed my answer here (http://www.usj.com.my/bulletin/upload/showpost.php?p=323413&postcount=27)

AllUrban
08-12-2008, 02:29 PM
Allurban, looks like you missed my answer here (http://www.usj.com.my/bulletin/upload/showpost.php?p=323413&postcount=27)hahhaha I saw your answer kwc.

But I still have my own way of doing things :eek: :D

My kids will have to really know why they are doing something...not just what they have to do.

Cheers, m