I need advice!

[KDJo]

Hey dear all,
I'm newbie here, as i was seaching for some info about abortion then i accidently read the posted thread of the abortion clinic. I've decided to post a thread and asking for advice. Thanks 1st for all ur advices.

Today i've received a news that im having a bady inside my body now. Well, kinda do not believe it but it is confirmed. Now the problem is im not sure whether i want to keep this boby or not. Here are some of my minds running around my head now.

Currently I am doing my master, only finish next year. I am not prepared to be a mom yet. I still want to explore the world. I want freedom. The baby's father is ok with marry, but i dont want him to marry me because he has to not he wants to. We both are still young, we are 24 and 25. I really have alot of things planing ahead, and im not sure i will do it if i have a baby..The baby is not what i planned. Im not sure i can give them all up for the baby. Yet, im not sure with the father.

On the other side, I know i will be regret over aborting the baby especially after knowing how they abort the baby. Im scared of the consequences after having the abortion. I want to have babies, but not now. I really lose my mind now. I will do the abortion probably next week. I want to listen to more advices before anything horrible happen.

[birdy]

First of all, welcome to the forum. You seem very disturbed when typing the text... you have spelt the word 'baby' twice wrongly..... Phycologically, u hv indicated that you do not want to abort this baby.

You shouldn't use the excuse of wanted to have freedom to kill somebody. It is very unwise to do that .... think from the point of taking off somebody's opportunity to come to this world. How will u feel if it was u? :confused:

Since both of u have taken this move...there is no return come to this stage. I would suggest u to take a good care of your baby and deliver it when due. You can slow down with your master degree.... go for slower pace, instead of taking 2 years to complete, spread it over 3 or 4 years. Your son/daughter will appreciate this. :)

[Good Guy]

Hi KDJo,

I concur with Birdy. You will be happy once you see your baby. He/she is your blood line. His/her life is now dependent on your wise and compassionate decision. Please let us know the good news when the baby is born. Peace and happiness to you. :)

[KDJo]

after reading the previous posts from the "abortion clinic", i still have no clues of anything that i want to do. I want the baby, but I'm not ready yet. Just not yet. When I first saw the unltrasound of my baby's heartbeat. I really felt nothing, i thought i will be excited and touched (it was what i thought when i wanted a baby).. If I talk to the folks, the baby definately will stay. I know I'm selfish. It is a huge decision. I have to figure out why actually i don't want the baby. Maybe it helps to solve clear the doubts. I wanted a baby so much when my sister delivered last year. After that i have realised that i'm not ready to deliver a baby, not ready to give him a good life, not ready to be a good mum, not ready to be bonded. We have precautions everytime, just dont hv any idea where it comes from. Maybe it is god will.


I know all those things that they mentioned in the previous threads about killing life, regrets, the hurts, etc. I knew!! Maybe me myself have already come out with the decision and wanted people to support my decision. Sorry for that! Anyway thanks for giving advices. I really don't know where i can share my sollows. I hope forumers here dont mind that i use this forum to release my tension. Sorry and thanks again. I hope i can give u all good news too...Pray for my wisdom to think...Thanks!

[lilifjp]

Hi KDJo,

Both Birdy & Good Guy are right. We all feel that you want to keep this baby.

Otherwise, you will not be so troubled & your mind is in a mess.

Most of us here are very modern & open minded. It is definately OK for you to continue your pregnancy and continue your studies as well. If you do not feel that you want to get married yet, then don't sign that paper yet.

But, but, but making the decision to terminate a pregnancy is a major issue.

Did you see this week's Grey Anatomy. Alison the gyne doctor feels that she is ready for a baby and she was looking for alternative of artificial insemination since she could not find the right guy. But time is against her and now she cannot get pregnant.

Just to share with you, most of my friends who went for an abortion because the baby was interfering with their career ; did not end up with the same husband/boyfriend. There will always be an inner pain & guilt that you have to carry for the rest of your life.

On the other hand, most of my university friends that got married early; are still happily married and the kids are so big now. Alot of struggles during the early part of married life but they are enjoying their freedom to travel now & financial freedom.

We hope you will make the right decision and when you decide to keep your baby, we have online help here who will keep you company for the whole 9 months.

If you do not have a place to go during your delivery and confinement period, please contact me. We have a shelter here in Puchong.

Hugs from ; Li Li

[lilifjp]

......I want the baby, but I'm not ready yet. Just not yet. When I first saw the unltrasound of my baby's heartbeat. I really felt nothing, i thought i will be excited and touched (it was what i thought when i wanted a baby)....... I wanted a baby so much when my sister delivered last year. After that i have realised that i'm not ready to deliver a baby....

Dear KDJo,

Every young lady & career minded will have the same exact feelings as you. You have everything spelt out clearly for you. A good education & a good life & career ahead.

I am reading in-between-your thoughts.

If I estimate correctly, your baby will be due mid of June 2008. That means you will finish this year 2007 exams and half year 2008.

Many young working ladies who are pregnant can still work during pregnancy. The same goes to doing your basic degree or Master programme. You can take time off 2nd half of year 2008 and continue again in year 2009.

Your mind are numb at this present moment. Think carefully. Your future is not in jeopardy at all.

You said that you wanted a baby but not ready yet. Do you mean that you will be ready for a baby after you finish your Master's programme ?

There are many people who are very concern about college/university pregnancy cases. We have a Baby Fostering Programme where a Foster Family will take care of your baby until you finish your studies and then you will continue your responsiblity of taking care of your child when your life is back on track.

Consider carefully. There are many options for you.

[KDJo]

Thanks for your concern. There will be always a solution for a problem. Im watching the silent scream movie now...i cant bear to watch it...will send it over to my bf.. We will talk again... Thanks again.

[birdy]

It is not recommended to watch horror movies during pregnancy. I believe, your happiness is not there when you receive the news of your baby is because you are not prepared. You may be still young to accept this fact but you may regret down the road when you really have your family.

I know you are concern about losing your freedom and who said you will? All this very much depends on your self-planning. Yes..maybe you will loose the freedom during the first nine months and next twelve months of the baby. After that, you can have the same freedom and enjoyment... I remember I brought along my daughter to China trip when she is 16 mths old...and still we are so enjoy... in fact, it would not be that enjoy if she is not there... everyone in the group is so happy...initially they thing that the whole trip going to mess up because there is such a young children which tend to bring problem then enjoyment... but my daugther adapt well...she makes everyone happy...and everyone likes her very much.

There are many people who wanted children so much but cannot get a single one. They may be trying and trying but the god is not answering to them. You should be appreciate this.... you may consider giving away this children to someone if you really decided otherwise but please don't sacrifice the life of the baby for your freedom...just bare for nine months.

Trust us... there is always the 'evil' side of us to be selfish.... but you will regret down the road especially when you are prepare to build up your family in the future. Listen to the majority, you will feel grateful for listening to this.

[undecided]

Hi Dear,

Just managed to read your thread now. Your situation is similar to mine, only that you are older and your bf is willing to marry you. I'm 20 this year, 5 months pregnant and my bf isn't willing to marry me. You are doing your master and I'm doing my degree final year.

I know it's hard to make a decision to choose your own career or to keep the baby. You can continue your studies during the pregnancy. I'm doing that now. Going to classes from time to time with my little baby bump on my tummy. And yes, my parents still do not know about my pregnancy. When I first listen to my baby's heartbeat, I was confused like you. Worrying about my future with the baby. But the sound of the heartbeat was the most beautiful sound I ever heard in my life. It's so strong and that time, doctor told me that my baby's hair is growing. How adorable. Take note that the time when I heard my baby's heartbeat, my bf was forcing me to do an abortion.

Cause my age is younger, I'm constantly in stress mode. Worry about my bf not being supportive. Worry about how my parents going to react. Worry about my future finance with the baby. But i do not worry about my studies at all. My due is end of Jan 2008. I have planned to take that semester off for my labor and rest for 2 months, then only I go back to my college to finish off my degree.

It's hard for me to hide my pregnancy from my parents and having an unsupportive bf at the same time. Been spending my last few months crying alot. But if you ask me back, why am I doing all this? Keeping the baby at young age when I'm not ready, with no degree or master, with an unsupportive bf and with an unstable financial.. I could answer you that I do not know why either, it's the mother instinct.

I have talked to a few of the forumers here. They have gave their opinions on what I should do. I have many choices in fact. I could give up my baby for adoption to good family or have a foster family to take care of my baby for 3 years, then only I have back my baby. They even volunteer to talk to my parents about it. Maybe you could try to talk to them.

If you are afraid of the responsibilities of taking care of a baby, maybe you could ask the forumers here to find your baby a good home. Do not abort the baby. You wont dare to imagine the emotional stress you will face in the future. You may cry when you see other people's baby. You may feel guilty of doing it. You may blame yourself for being selfish and coward each day and night. You may even imagine the "what if my baby is born out and how old is he".

Think wisely and talk to your bf. You can still continue your studies with the pregnancy and a baby in your life. Nothing is not impossible as long as you have the heart to do so.. Hope to hear good news from you.

P/S: Go and have an ultrasound one more time, and listen to your baby's heart. It's the most wonderful melody... :D

[LMei]

I want the baby, but I'm not ready yet.
Whether you're married or not, no-one will still be ready at the thought of having a baby. I was married when I got pregnant and I didn't think I was ready either :D But hey, having a baby is such a joy. Once your baby is born, you'll never live to regret it.

[Good Guy]

Hi KDJo,

I am a retired grandfather. I can say I am still going through life's turbulence. There will not come a day when everything will be just right and rosy for you to be ready for the things you want to do in life. The right time is now.

May I suggest you log-in profile of lilifjp and communcate with her in private. I am sure she will be very happy to hear from you.

[lord]

I am a retired grandfather.....

Sorry, uncer.. Just how does this work, a retired grandfather?? ;)

[mummum]

good guy is right, aunty lilifjp has been very kind and helpful since the day the long running abortion thread is started.

in my personal opinion, it isn't fair to have to carry a baby inside you that was forced into you, for example in cases of rape and incest. or in medical cases whereby one life is threatened, mother or baby..but i am thinking why is it so much easier for a lot of people to get rid of a mistake by ripping a baby apart than to live with the consequences? it's not the baby's fault that his or her parents are just messing around having sex. know what, the only precaution/birth control in NOT getting impregnated before marriage is NOT TO HAVE SEX AT ALL. but how easy can that be, that's just my opinion.

no matter how much i hope you would NOT abort, it is still your choice. no one can tell you you're so wrong and cruel..it is all up to you. but in my opinion, in general cases, if someone is using abortion like a birth control method, because it is NOT convenient for her to have a baby now, then in your heart, do you feel it is the right thing to do? only she can answer that. in the end, if anyone can live with the thought of aborting her baby anyhow, then nobody can stop her.

all the best to you, whatever your decision may be, may you live to not regret it ever.