Parenting Skill - Need Advice

[birdy]

I have a 3yo daughter... she is smart but one thing that bother us - she is slow in doing things. When u ask her to do something not of her likings, she tend to do it slow (like no mood).

For example, when asked to wear the shoe, she will like to wonder around / short daydreaming before starts to wear.

Anyone has came across similar situation before? What can we do to improve this? We have been explaining to her about 'Time waits nobody' concept. :o

[Ullas Sahadevan]

I guess kids are whimsical and its difficult to understand whats on their mind. I hope no real reason to worry. I don't want to speculate here but I thought I will share this article with you incase there is reason for concern.

http://add.about.com/cs/addthebasics/a/add.htm

It's on ADD and ADHD. I think I am suffering from AADD (Adult Attention Deficit Disorder) lately, or maybe its just stress :o

[orchipalar]

I have a 3yo daughter... she is smart but one thing that bother us - she is slow in doing things.

For example, when asked to wear the shoe, she will like to wonder around / short daydreaming before starts to wear.Err buddy...it is important to determine whether or not she understands you...

To a 3 yo daughter...if you tell her you would be taking her out for "kai kai"...n you tell her that she would look really pretty wearing those shoes n pretty dresses...to go for "kai kai"...normally she should be excited...

IF you won't mind Orchi asking...how's her hearing n speech capability...?

[birdy]

She has a perfect hearing and speech capabilities. I can't discount her learning abilities too..

I must admit she has a good learning abilities... she can turn on my notebook, shut down, even play wif MSN! Play games some more... I am sure some of u played Insaniquarium before... she knows how to launch the program and play the virtual tank fish.

She can understand us... just that she like to tend to be a bit sluggish when come to things she doesn't want to do... I am trying to get some tips how can we as a parent, encourage her to do faster.

[orchipalar]

she can turn on my notebook, shut down, even play wif MSN! Play games some more... I am sure some of u played Insaniquarium before... she knows how to launch the program and play the virtual tank fish.Err buddy...in that case...she knows more stuffs than Orchi...

Whatever it may be...just need some patience n encouragement from you...

But one thing you have to keep in mind...don't let her get cramped up in small cubicles...or get her eyes glued on to certain objects too much...like monitor or tv screen...lego n other toys...as that could make her eyes lazy...

The same thing happened to both our kids...now one has 400/450 short sighted vision...n the other has 800/900 short sighted vision...n there is NOTHING any medical remedy could help...! :(

[kwchang]

Birdy, don't worry about yr daughter being a bit slow. She is obviously more interested in something else besides going out. You did observe yourself that she is slow when she is made to do "something not of her likings" - see, you have just answered your own question. She is only 3.

Just wait till she is 15 and can't wait to get out of the house on her own - that will be the day you wished she was 3 all over again. ;)

[birdy]

aye..aye.. Orchi. We will make sure she sits a distance away when watching TV.

[birdy]

Birdy, don't worry about yr daughter being a bit slow. She is obviously more interested in something else besides going out. You did observe yourself that she is slow when she is made to do "something not of her likings" - see, you have just answered your own question. She is only 3.

Just wait till she is 15 and can't wait to get out of the house on her own - that will be the day you wished she was 3 all over again. ;)
Hmm... that's our main concern here.. we worried that she will grow up to be doing things she like...

A friend of mine once told me before that her daughter is slow when doing the homework.. every night, she need to sit besides her to make sure everything is done. By then, it is already 12 midnight. We are worried the same syndrome here... :o

[kwchang]

Children like encouragement and praise. Make sure you praise her positively and with enthusiasm when she does the "good" things in future like reading or paying attention to school-work. This is positive reinforcement. I have learnt it the hard way by trial and error with my kids. I do not profess to be right as I have made mistakes despite my theories because it is difficult to stay objective and not allow emotions or personal fears and impatience take over.

[birdy]

It is true... I hv seen the fierce side of my sister in educating her children. :)

[Blue Jasmine]

Hmm... that's our main concern here.. we worried that she will grow up to be doing things she like...

A friend of mine once told me before that her daughter is slow when doing the homework.. every night, she need to sit besides her to make sure everything is done. By then, it is already 12 midnight. We are worried the same syndrome here... :o


I think the syndrome here is EXCLUSIVELY OVER WORRIED Parents. Give your child a break. Sometimes they have their own pace. Adult are generally more quick quick fast fast. Children on the other hand slow down to enjoy simple things in life. Adults generally cares more about dignity,time and etc. So the next time you child slow down maybe you should also slow down a bit. Unless you are really worried maybe you can talk to a pediatrician.

[birdy]

I am very confident that we are not over worried. Please note that it is not slow but more of sluggish type... she tend to prolong the thing, do it at her own pace or maybe concentrate on other things. If she is concentrating on the things she is doing but doing slow.. that we can accept... probably she is in the learning curve.

Our concern here is she will be minor hyperactive normally...but she tend to be sluggish when asked her to do things she not in favour, eg.. keeping the toys, wearing shoes, etc. That start to worry us. .. :o

[kellyk]

I am no expert at parenting.. and do need a few pointers myself... but I hope it will make you feel better to know that you're not alone.

My son, who is 4, is also the same when it comes to doing things he doesn't like. He hates drinking milk and can take up to an hour or maybe 2 if we don't supervise... Umm I am already at my wit's end with his reluctance or rejection towards milk. He has been rejecting milk since 4 months old... and we've tried changing brands, changing milk types (to soya), bottles, cups, toys etc... Well, we've survived this many years... and he's making some progress as he's at least drinking by himself now... (we used to have to spoon-feed him - yes, spoon by spoon!). I am not sure if we're doing the right thing, but we try our best and pray hard to God for the rest...

[birdy]

Kellyk, thanks for the example. In my opinion, your case may due to your son doesn't like milk...try to give him Milo instead. I recalled my mum told me that I stopped drinking milk when I am 6 mths old... she has to feed me with Milo. :D

[pepsi]

Kellyk, thanks for the example. In my opinion, your case may due to your son doesn't like milk...try to give him Milo instead. I recalled my mum told me that I stopped drinking milk when I am 6 mths old... she has to feed me with Milo. :D
Does he like chocolate milk . Perhaps milo and milk perhaps. Milk (fresk milk or powdered milk) experiment a bit with warm or cold. More milk or milo depending on his taste. Kids naturally like chocolate taste and milk makes it a bit more nutritious.

[pepsi]

I have a 3yo daughter... she is smart but one thing that bother us - she is slow in doing things. When u ask her to do something not of her likings, she tend to do it slow (like no mood).

For example, when asked to wear the shoe, she will like to wonder around / short daydreaming before starts to wear.

Anyone has came across similar situation before? What can we do to improve this? We have been explaining to her about 'Time waits nobody' concept. :o
Young children doesn't understand why adults are in such a hurry or the concept of time. Have you ever come across a situation whereby your daughter is anxious and couldn't wait patiently for something eg opening a present or waiting for a turn. What about watching her favourite cartoon and waiting for the time the cartoon starts? Perhaps, you can use this as an opportunity to teach her the concept of time.

[birdy]

Yes... this does happen. Any suggestion how we could use this to teach her the concept of time? I did always explain to her that "Time Waits Nobdy" concept... but still doesn't see any improvements.

Basically, she can do fast on certain things.. eg. if she wanted to play or go out.. then she can be pretty fast in keeping all the toys, etc.. but she tend to be a bit sluggish when there is no 'motivation'.

[Sugarfree]

Don't put any pressure on her. She should turn out fine. Let her enjoy her childhood, with your constant guidance, of course. :)

[pepsi]

Yes... this does happen. Any suggestion how we could use this to teach her the concept of time? I did always explain to her that "Time Waits Nobdy" concept... but still doesn't see any improvements.

Basically, she can do fast on certain things.. eg. if she wanted to play or go out.. then she can be pretty fast in keeping all the toys, etc.. but she tend to be a bit sluggish when there is no 'motivation'.
Motivation is the key word, ice- cream perhaps if she was quick to put on her shoes, so that you guys have time to grab an ice cream ?Something like that...

[Good Guy]

[QUOTE=birdy]Hmm... that's our main concern here.. we worried that she will grow up to be doing things she like...

Please be careful with over zealousness. We must be careful not to impose on our children theings we like, instead of the things they like. Of course, constant guidance is important, but we should not overbear children with all our "wise advices". Remember the law of diminishing returns. They will get "real sick" over our "nagging".

By the way you have not reached that stage yet; so relax and take it easy. Enjoy your child's little antics and LEARN from her. Do you know, Birdy, there are lots of things that we can learn from children? Like takin it easy while wearing shoes!! :D

[Sugarfree]

Do you know, Birdy, there are lots of things that we can learn from children? Like takin it easy while wearing shoes!! :DOr the way they appreciate an ice cream cone before feasting on it!

[coleslaw]

she's only 3 la..there's only so much a kid can do no matter how smart you think she is. let her grow at her pace and just enjoy the process. even as adult, there are things you are quick to do if you like, and slower if you don't so why should a child be any different. no need to explain what time is to her. she can't grasp that yet la. probably your expectations is too high.

[Good Guy]

she's only 3 la..there's only so much a kid can do no matter how smart you think she is. let her grow at her pace and just enjoy the process. even as adult, there are things you are quick to do if you like, and slower if you don't so why should a child be any different. no need to explain what time is to her. she can't grasp that yet la. probably your expectations is too high.

Coleslaw is a very wise person. I agree with her comments. :)

[lilifjp]

Aiya Birdy, your little girl is only 3 years old :eek:

Same age with my little girl. Since I believe they are very smart at this age, she is already telling you to Stop Pushing Her :D

Let her do things at her own pace. The attention span for this age is less than 15 minutes. Then they get bored.

Don't try to bribe her. For example, if she finish her rice, then you will take her shopping. You'll be surprised when she decided to go shopping, that's the day she will finish her food in 10 mins, wear her shoes and wait for you at your car door with your car keys !

Just enjoy your beautiful moments with her.

[birdy]

Well.. while I understand that a parent should not put too much pressure on the children.. but we are worried that this attitude may stick permanently since we did not correct her mistake. At times, we do try to compromise, wait for her.. but she tend to show lack of urgency especially come wearing her own shoes. :o

[orchipalar]

Coleslaw is a very wise person. I agree with her comments. :)Err...how about the rest here...?

[coleslaw]

birdy,
don't be so obssessed about her putting on her shoes. if she does it willingly and quick getting them on, just praise her. don't go overboard la. if she's slow getting them on, just assist her and gentlely explaining as you help her. like pointing out which leg you are putting on the shoes first. do it in a relax manner. she might be stressed, sensing your stress! is her shoes easy to slip in without help or does she has to do laces,velcro straps? it could be it's difficult for her to put on on her own.

[kwchang]

Birdy,
I have this theory that a parent see his/her own faults in the children. In this case, you are probably "worried" about her slowness because you see a bit of the same fault in yourself ;) Just a theory but do try to think about it ..

[birdy]

birdy,
don't be so obssessed about her putting on her shoes. if she does it willingly and quick getting them on, just praise her. don't go overboard la. if she's slow getting them on, just assist her and gentlely explaining as you help her. like pointing out which leg you are putting on the shoes first. do it in a relax manner. she might be stressed, sensing your stress! is her shoes easy to slip in without help or does she has to do laces,velcro straps? it could be it's difficult for her to put on on her own.
Thanks..... I don't see any difficulties in the shoes as it is Velcro Straps. She can recognized which side of the shoe to put on which leg without fail just she tend to do it slowly. Well, maybe we are too tensed on this... we should take your advise and be patient a bit.

[birdy]

Birdy,
I have this theory that a parent see his/her own faults in the children. In this case, you are probably "worried" about her slowness because you see a bit of the same fault in yourself ;) Just a theory but do try to think about it ..
Chang, you are half right. Well... the reason of our worries arisen from the daughter of my friend. If you read early replies... I hv discussed on the slowness of my friend's daughter in completing the daily homework. We tried not to inculcate this bad habit from young, if possible. Maybe that's the reason, we tend to a bit tense, wanting our daughter to act fast. :o

After reading all your recommendations, I think we should relax a bit.... slowly motivate her to do faster.

[coleslaw]

birdy,
there's no perfect blueprint on bringing up a child. you can read up all the books you want and listens to all the advices offered, but at the end of the day,you just do what you feel is right. i take it that little 3 year old is your 1st born, hence the anxiety. even if you do all the right things and nutured and mould her into a model child, you will find you can't use the same methods when the 2nd one comes along. you can have 10 children and you will find that each one will be different! but you'll probably be more confident and more laid back then. just go with the flow as both of you are learning and discovering new things. some things you just can't hurry it up. enjoy it. one day you'll look back with fond memories and laughed about it!

[cpleong]

Patience, Coaching and Motivating. These works wonders for kids.
And above all, your unconditional love.
Cheers.

[birdy]

birdy,
there's no perfect blueprint on bringing up a child. you can read up all the books you want and listens to all the advices offered, but at the end of the day,you just do what you feel is right.
I recognized this... that's why I never bother to read all those parenting books. I gained the parenting skills from observation, learned from other's fault to improve on myself.
We are just a bit too concern b'coz I personally was consulted for my friend's daugther's sluggishness.
Thanks for your valuable inputs.. we will sure relax a bit and try to accomodate to her. :)