PDA

View Full Version : Wedding Invatition



Ski
15-11-2005, 09:07 AM
If you were getting married or being invited for one. Which would you prefer a give, gift, cash or just say your on your card no presents just your presence.

Sometimes this can be very touchy...how much should we give in cash or how much the gift should cost, do you get into this dilemma.

Nowadays Dinner Receptions are very expensive, so do they want us to contribute in proportion of the cost of one table? How do you deal with this.

TQ

aRwEn
15-11-2005, 09:19 AM
hmm.... i think cash is d most practical.

if i wuz gettin married, i wud prefer 2 receive cash than 5 setz of a punch bowl dat i might not use.... if i wuz attendin a weddin dinner, i wud normally giv cash n d amount dependz on how well i know d couple.... n oso cuz they wud find dat more useful in helpin out wit d weddin expensez.

if it iz juz a weddin receptn eg: at a church, community hall, etc, tn i may choose 2 giv a small gift instead since d cost 4 such a weddin iz not as expensive, n it oso dependz if i know d couple well enuf 2 know wat they wud like n oso their tastez.

alternatively, if u r gettin married n wanna try sthin diff, how bout havin a weddin giftlist where ur guestz can tick whc item on d list dat they wanna get u, eg: ikea bedspread set code 0077 color beige... or 21 piece dinner set from living quarterz code: miami color: 080. note: it iz a veri specific gift list n diz iz a veri westernized practice so i dunno if it iz acceptable or practised much here.... ;)

cherry
15-11-2005, 09:31 AM
I would give presents to my very close friends because its something for them to remember and came from a convent school so its a liittle easier for us to discuss on the gifts that we would bring or draw lots on 'Hen Night'. I would give money to acquaintances depending on the venue or geographical location of the wedding dinner. If the wedding dinner at my hometown I would give RM50 so if its in Klang Valley I heard the latest rate would be minimum of RM100. Just my two cents....

yvonnefoong
15-11-2005, 09:45 AM
How about a small gift and a big ang pau? Say if u wanna give RM200, use RM50 for a gift and RM150 for the angpau. haha! Ok if RM200 is too much, then give all cash. I agree that money is most practical especially nowadays when wedding costs a bomb. And don't forget to hire Kid Chan http://www.kidchan.com to record your bliss in 2D!

Pollen
15-11-2005, 11:45 AM
I am getting married early next year. I would not want gift! Having banquet in a hotel cost over 1K per table. So please give Ang Pau instead :p

GreenBug
15-11-2005, 01:15 PM
This was what I was told recently, an update from a friend still living in Malaysia :

- Klang Valley : alone RM80-100, attend as couple, RM150-200
- Outside Klang Valley : alone - RM60-80, attend as couple, RM120-150
- Gift : only to close friends
- Malay Wedding : Gifts esp useful to newlyweds like bedsheet or cutleries

In Brunei, Chinese weddings are expensive to attend. Ang Pow minimum B$80 (B$1.00 : RM2.20)!!!!!! For Malay Weddings, same as Malaysia, gifts preferred.

Ski
15-11-2005, 04:27 PM
I am getting married early next year. I would not want gift! Having banquet in a hotel cost over 1K per table. So please give Ang Pau instead :p


Hi Pollen
Congragulations, send cards to us we will give you angpow. ;)

USJ27Resident
15-11-2005, 04:43 PM
This was what I was told recently, an update from a friend still living in Malaysia :

- Klang Valley : alone RM80-100, attend as couple, RM150-200
- Outside Klang Valley : alone - RM60-80, attend as couple, RM120-150
- Gift : only to close friends
- Malay Wedding : Gifts esp useful to newlyweds like bedsheet or cutleries

In Brunei, Chinese weddings are expensive to attend. Ang Pow minimum B$80 (B$1.00 : RM2.20)!!!!!! For Malay Weddings, same as Malaysia, gifts preferred.

Hahahaaa! you funny la... Just reminded me of my sisters' post wedding day. The day she found out she got 3 toasters, 3 electric kettles, 1 (obviously recycled!!!) waffle maker and not to forget to mention; rice cookers!!!! :p :D She was so upset about the whole senario... mostly bedsheets, bedspreads, home stuff... she even wanted to chuck out the lot in anger... vented it on her new hubby!!! We just guffawed at the whole thing for days!!!

Anyway... I guess its only right to give cash nowadays... easier to help with the clelebration and if the couple got extra $$$ at the end... then can head to courts mammoth or carrefour to set up home... :p

bslee
15-11-2005, 04:48 PM
This was what I was told recently, an update from a friend still living in Malaysia :
- Klang Valley : alone RM80-100, attend as couple, RM150-200
- Outside Klang Valley : alone - RM60-80, attend as couple, RM120-150
- Gift : only to close friends
- Malay Wedding : Gifts esp useful to newlyweds like bedsheet or cutleries
In Brunei, Chinese weddings are expensive to attend. Ang Pow minimum B$80 (B$1.00 : RM2.20)!!!!!! For Malay Weddings, same as Malaysia, gifts preferred.

IMHO, it makes my blood boil to see that currently angpows or monetory gifts have a "market rate" and it rises as time goes on.
Like this, one could risk embarrasment eventhough sincerity and generosity is whole hearted or truthfully not affordable for some.
Give RM10 and write your name on the angpow and thereon..try to feel what may or could result?..most could shrudder at the thought of it!..that's the real world now.

kress
15-11-2005, 04:55 PM
it's no wonder that when you get a wedding invitation, people call it a "saman".
no discount some more and kenot "negotiate" :D

aimless
15-11-2005, 05:00 PM
i would definitely prefer an ang pau. i got married last year, and the sad fact we realized is that the hotels are such bloody rip-offs nowadays that it would be practically impossible to pay for everything without the help of ang paus. i used to think that giving gifts to friends tend to be more personal, but having gone through it myself, it hit me that the last thing i needed was a heap of toasters and punch bowls, and to be saddled with sky high bills...

i started to look at it quite differently - when you give the couple an ang pau, you are helping them start their new life, and pay for that super-expensive function! i mean, you could always say, "if got no money, don't have a big wedding in a hotel," but sometimes it is not as easy as that. there's always family pressure, and i'm sure most couples who are getting married want to have at least a half-decent ambience and setting for the so-called "night of their lives."

we had friends who gave "below market rate," and honestly, i did not mind one bit - to us, it was a big help that they opted to help us financially, instead of buying a toaster or punch bowl, which would probably have come up to the same amount of money.

i still have friends who insist that it is much more personal to give a gift... but usually they are those who haven't gone thru budgeting for a wedding themselves!

bslee
15-11-2005, 05:03 PM
She was so upset about the whole senario... mostly bedsheets, bedspreads, home stuff... she even wanted to chuck out the lot in anger... vented it on her new hubby!!!

Sad to hear this but I think is a blatant display arrogance and alloof not appreciating the sincerity and generosity of her guests and friends.
Sigh!..

I'm sure the unwanted gifts could be sold/auctioned off to get some money back or be re-cycled as gifts for other occasions.

JackRyan1975
15-11-2005, 05:10 PM
I use a few yardsticks as to how much to give:

1) How much he/she gave me for my wedding.
2) How much per pax for the reception.
3) How close is the relationship.

Based on the above, I would decide on the fair amount for the couple. Not my policy though to make the couple lose out based on (1) and (2) above.

Pollen
15-11-2005, 05:13 PM
Hi Ski,

Thanks

I think the toasters, electric kettles, rice cookers were redeemed from credit cards points :P j/k

bslee
15-11-2005, 05:19 PM
Hi Ski,
Thanks
I think the toasters, electric kettles, rice cookers were redeemed from credit cards points :P j/k

And so?..whether it comes from HSL, Bonuslink or Real rewards, does that make the items become lesser quality or value felt by any receipient?..what's your point?. :rolleyes:

Ski
15-11-2005, 05:23 PM
And so?..whether it comes from HSL, Bonuslink or Real rewards, does that make the items become lesser quality or value felt by any receipient?..what's your point?. :rolleyes:

Hi
I assume what Pollen is saying.. she can get or already got these stuff from the above.

kress
15-11-2005, 05:41 PM
she feels its not sincere.... i would feel that way too as though you don't want to spend money on my wedding and instead resort to "cheap" gifts.

bslee
15-11-2005, 05:52 PM
she feels its not sincere.... i would feel that way too as though you don't want to spend money on my wedding and instead resort to "cheap" gifts.

Nahh! I'll still say its bad attitude due to reasons I would commonly believe and do not want to expand.
Gifts whether big or small in value are always a sincere and friendly gesture to another fellow being. It MUST be appreciated whole heartedly with heartfelt thanks to the giver...Simple as THAT!

Say if GOD doesn't give you what you likely desire..you start to mock HIM ahhh!... :rolleyes:

kress
15-11-2005, 05:57 PM
Nahh! I'll still say its bad attitude due to reasons I would commonly believe and do not want to expand.
Gifts whether big or small in value are always a sincere and friendly gesture to another fellow being. It MUST be appreciated whole heartedly with heartfelt thanks to the giver...Simple as THAT!

Say if GOD doesn't give you what you likely desire..you start to mock HIM ahhh!... :rolleyes:

yes must be appreciated... but appreciation doesn't pay the bills... but i blame the chinese for this problem.... big fat ego... get married must have a grand wedding better than your auntie's niece who got married at the palace of the golden donkeys with a mercedes benz..... etc etc..... so it becomes an ego showoff... my daugher, son-in-law better than yours and the married couple have to bear it.

and actually God has been mocked many times... the most memorable time being semi value proclaiming ACT OF GOD!!!..... God must be pissed off... getting blamed for shoddy workmanship but i digress.

sly
15-11-2005, 10:10 PM
yes true bslee...if cant afford why take 1k per table? my dinner is only rm600 per table niah.... :D and yes...forgot to answer...i prefer cash....i dont think gift is considered cheap but chinese usually give ang pow....

wAISEKMAo
15-11-2005, 10:30 PM
This was what I was told recently, an update from a friend still living in Malaysia :

- Klang Valley : alone RM80-100, attend as couple, RM150-200
- Outside Klang Valley : alone - RM60-80, attend as couple, RM120-150
- Gift : only to close friends
- Malay Wedding : Gifts esp useful to newlyweds like bedsheet or cutleries

In Brunei, Chinese weddings are expensive to attend. Ang Pow minimum B$80 (B$1.00 : RM2.20)!!!!!! For Malay Weddings, same as Malaysia, gifts preferred.

Maybe one of these days we will be seeing chinese wedding with a big sign which states the following :-

Klang Valley : alone RM80-100, attend as couple, RM150-200
- Outside Klang Valley : alone - RM60-80, attend as couple, RM120-150
- Gift : Value less than RM200 not entertaint.
- price < RM 100. No sharkfin and ducks.
- Price < RM 50. No sharkfins, ducks, chicken and fish.
- No Ang Pow - Get LOSS

mon
15-11-2005, 11:26 PM
Maybe one of these days we will be seeing chinese wedding with a big sign which states the following :-

Klang Valley : alone RM80-100, attend as couple, RM150-200
- Outside Klang Valley : alone - RM60-80, attend as couple, RM120-150
- Gift : Value less than RM200 not entertaint.
- price < RM 100. No sharkfin and ducks.
- Price < RM 50. No sharkfins, ducks, chicken and fish.
- No Ang Pow - Get LOSS

:p You also very funny..If I get married, or, again.. :D I'd prefer gifts for remembrance..cos all de angpows would normally go to the parents/husband for paying the bills right? :p

orchipalar
15-11-2005, 11:59 PM
yes must be appreciated... but appreciation doesn't pay the bills... but i blame the chinese for this problem.... big fat ego... get married must have a grand wedding better than your auntie's niece who got married at the palace of the golden donkeys with a mercedes benz..... etc etc..... so it becomes an ego showoff... my daugher, son-in-law better than yours and the married couple have to bear it.
Err...dear Kress:)...considerable numbers but NOT all Chinese...spent lavishly...to the extent of having to borrow lah...pajak lah...jual ladang or asset lah...etc etc...ahem...macam macam ada...pon:o

Ahem...but then again...please remember...there are those whom had chosen to begin their humble yet loving marriage vows...by fulfulling the traditions or request...err...more or less like...SOME of the following...

1. MYR 12(postal stamp duty ~ before) at the registrar of marriage with 2 witnesses...niah...
2. A Token Ang Pow ~ for the In-Laws...
3. 2 Bottles of Cognac ~ for the In-Laws...
4. A Dozen(12 boxes) of "tan kou"(small cakes) ~ for the In-laws
5. 1 Pasang Ayam(2 Ekor - A pair of live chickens...normally a Rooster n a Hen) ~ For the In-Laws...
6. A Budget Photo Session ~ less than MYR600
7. A Set of Bedroom Furniture ~ around MYR800
8. A Set of Baby Craddle n accessories ~ around MYR200
9. 1 Baby Trolley ~ around MYR75
10. A Set of Plastic Dining Table + 2 Plastic Stools + basic kitchen utensil ~ around MYR150...
11. A Stand Fan ~ around MYR65...
12. A Photo Camera ~ around MYR100 with batteries include...
13. A USED 14" Inch Philips COLOR TV ~ around MYR200
14. Etc etc etc...
15. The Word "Honeymoon" ~ has NOT been found in the dictionary yet...

n this was around 1 decade ago niah...not too long:)

sly
16-11-2005, 12:05 AM
ahemmm...i think it's our dear yang amat bertuah orchi's punya big and memorable day lor.....romantisnya...... :D atau saya silap lagi.... :o

orchipalar
16-11-2005, 12:11 AM
ahemmm...i think it's our dear yang amat bertuah orchi's punya big and memorable day lor.....romantisnya...... :D atau saya silap lagi.... :o
Err...NOT forgetting those that would elope...n be living ever so happy together since......:)

Ahem...Orchi is kidding you NOT...:D

orchipalar
16-11-2005, 12:19 AM
ahemmm...i think it's our dear yang amat bertuah orchi's punya big and memorable day lor.....romantisnya...... :D atau saya silap lagi.... :o
Err...Yes Sly:)...come to think of it...there is this freaking lucky guy...whom had only MET the In-Laws for the...err...2ND time only...on the very wedding day...his beautiful bride's hands in-marriage...was "given away" by the In-Laws...:)

Ahem...the very 1st day n time he met the In-Laws...he PROPOSED! :D

bslee
16-11-2005, 12:20 AM
I'd fully agree with kress on the ego attitude that also contributes to the rise in demand and expenditure that gradually inflate. When I worked in a 5 star hotel in the 80's, the cheapest cost per table was approximately RM200. Now where to find this kind of price in hotels?. Inflation lah!.
Lee Wong Kee or Kum Leng..no class dah!..in its heyday..it was THE place for wedding receptions!..now history..we all move on!.. :D Hey, my eldest brother held the reception at Kum Leng in 1967!..ceremony at St Mary's Church (now Cathedral) Jalan Raja. He was only a cigarette sales rep and my sis in law was a secondary school teacher. Nevertheless it was a very enjoyable and memorable occasion without being poorer at the end of the day. My dad could easily fork out but I guess prudence kicked in. My brother and sisinlaw are now proud grandparents and are as happy as can be..God willing!.

For the primary and most obvious reason of a once a lifetime opportunity, most couples save like mad (one of the reasons for late marriage) for the wedding gala to be in the most lavish way permissible..Merc's Bimmers..if possible Lolls Loyce if can find!.minimum 4 star hotel or lestaulant!,.then hope to expect the rich or well to do guests with thick packets and all others at "market rate"!. If planned well!..can reap profits over the expenditure too!..All seemingly like a business venture. If this seems to be the case, I'd really despise the people who are behind this all!, but honestly, this is the current culture for all purpose & intent.
By all means marry and spend within ones means, but folks are now materialistic and can even have the audacity to despise or frown on lesser value or el-cheapo gifts, possibly with reasons of preference to cash!.
What is this world coming to?..

orchipalar
16-11-2005, 12:55 AM
Err...it was so easy to remember...coz Orchi recalls also...

~ That the lucky guy had only applied for 1 day leave of absence from his work...the very day he picked up his bride from the In-Laws' place...coz he had to go back to work the very next day...
~ That he also applied...for 1 more day leave of absence...on the next Saturday...for his wedding celebration dinner...err...which was held in the KL's...certain Clan of the Chinese Coffee Shops n Dealers' punya association hall...

1. The hall was equipped with many ceiling fans...
2. The hall could accommodate max. around 100 tables...not that he opted for all of it...:p
3. The Caterer from OUTStation...charges MYR300 per table(including the tablewares n auspicious RED cloths) of super delicious 13 courses of Chinese Cuisines...+ FREE flowing of HOT Chinese Tea(Siew Yip Kum)...
4. NOT including the host's punya own provisions for soft drinks n liquors...
5. NO Live Band n NO Karaoke!...Just never ending SHOUTS for HOT Chinese Tea...n of course...MORE liquors...n YUM...YUM...YUM...SSSEEENGGGGGGG...!!!(Hehe...thos e days where got roadblocks or operasi wan)...
6. n by the END of the wedding dinner...NO NEED for cheques book or credit cards...err...TEAR ALL the "TOKEN" of Ang Pows...n count the CASH to pay the caterer...:o

Hahahahaaaaaa....err...SURE GOT Balance of $$$ wan...ada UNTONG lagi...mah!!!

NO issue about any wedding gifts from anyone...ahem...otherthan SOME jewelry presented by SOME close but long distant relatives....during the "Charm Char" Ceremony...:D

n THEY ALL came from everywhere...Alor Setar...Penang...Ipoh...Kuantan...Seremban...Malac ca...Batu Pahat...Kluang...JB n SINGAPORE too...!!:D

But...but..NONE from Batam...yet!!!:D

orchipalar
16-11-2005, 01:15 AM
Err...those days...tradition has it as a 'NORM' that the host...would offer n reserve...limited number of tables n seatings...for the In-Laws n their guests...:o

Err...n tradition has it also that...they(the In-Laws) DO NOT finish eating the FULL course of dishes served on each table...n it's a NORM that they 'leave behind' SOME of the remaining course...for the bride.(in future cari makan senang sikit) :o

Ahem...that was why...in those days...the In-Laws left their tables...much earlier than the rest of the host's punya guests...:)

orchipalar
16-11-2005, 01:45 AM
yes true bslee...if cant afford why take 1k per table? my dinner is only rm600 per table niah.... :D and yes...forgot to answer...i prefer cash....i dont think gift is considered cheap but chinese usually give ang pow....

Err...dear Sly:)...speaking of the Chinese wedding dinners...

Ahem...for the life of Orchi...why would almost EVERYBODY arrive LATE...ar???

Err...or it may NOT be just a Chinese thingy...ahem...could it be due to just the traffic jams in the cities? :rolleyes:

adriene
16-11-2005, 02:12 AM
personally, I think it's quite sad that there is a understood "market rate" of how much ang pow a guest should give when attending a wedding dinner.

i feel that invitations to the banquet should be given sincerely by the bride and groom, without expecting to get back a single sen from it.

yes, the cost of the banquet for so many guests is hefty but it was the bride and groom and their families who chose the kind of banquet to have and the number of guests to invite. so it's a situation of their own doing. therefore, i think that they should be prepared to pay for their resulting bill from their own pockets.

if gifts/angpows are given, so be it but i don't think there should be any expectation whatsoever from any party.

what's more, there are those who throw their wedding banquets expecting to profit from it. how did such a joyous personal celebration become a business venture? how sad.

i also disagree that one should give angpow to a couple based on how much that couple gave to you at your wedding. that is rather petty and to me it sounds like the angpow is out of obligation or to "save face" rather than sincerity.

as for me, on a personal level, when i eventually throw my wedding banquet, i plan to foot the entire bill. if i have 200 guests, and if nasi goreng is the best i can afford to feed so many people, so be it. i'd like to think my friends and family are there to share my joyous occasion with me, not pig out on a free meal.

orchipalar
16-11-2005, 02:33 AM
as for me, on a personal level, when i eventually throw my wedding banquet, i plan to foot the entire bill. if i have 200 guests, and if nasi goreng is the best i can afford to feed so many people, so be it. i'd like to think my friends and family are there to share my joyous occasion with me, not pig out on a free meal.

Err...that's not unusual Adriene:)...nasi goreng has been one of the 'norm' courses in Chinese wedding dinners...lovely when it gets to fill the stomachs of so many hungry guests...:D

mallanhead
16-11-2005, 05:54 AM
why cant we give half and half. Half present which is actually to the bride and groom (mat salleh style with gift registry so that no duplication of gift) and ang pow which help towards the banquet.

My chinese friend told me that whatever ang pow they received on the wedding day will goes toward paying the receiption. But I found this a bit unfair. The money should go to the newly wed to start their new life. And if I give ang pow to them, it looks like when are paying our own makan. How can?

For my own wedding. We really had a small wedding bcoz my mother passed away the previous year. My hubby a mat salleh like a small wedding. And the rest is history. Gifts wise, I get some anypow and some gift. Whether I use the gifts, well some I recycle. That is brand new never used to give to the other wedding.

Teeque
16-11-2005, 07:10 AM
It will be the day if there's a sign at a wedding dinner that says,
"All proceeds frm this wedding dinner will go to a charity of choice of the wedding couple."
:rolleyes:

Ski
16-11-2005, 07:49 AM
Generally the couple who invities you would be a close friend..so in my case I usually purchase something from their wishlist that will be cherised by them. Gifts are just a token to say that you have graced their wedding. Gifts/cash are not compulsory its just an etiquette and a thoughtful gesture.

TQ

mon
16-11-2005, 08:58 AM
Generally the couple who invities you would be a close friend..so in my case I usually purchase something from their wishlist that will be cherised by them.

TQ

Or a bicycle built for two? Anyone considering this?

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do..
I'm half crazy, All for the love of you..
It won't be a stylish marriage
I can't afford a carriage
But you'll look sweet, u-pon the seat
of a bicycle built for two.. :) :p

cherry
16-11-2005, 10:05 AM
Most of the posting here said that they would recycle gifts if they received one too many of them. If you were to do so, please make sure the warranty is not over... :D

Pollen
16-11-2005, 11:02 AM
And so?..whether it comes from HSL, Bonuslink or Real rewards, does that make the items become lesser quality or value felt by any receipient?..what's your point?. :rolleyes:

If u want to buy a gift for the newlywed, you should buy it with heart. Meaning take into consideration whether they really need it or not. I do not mean that getting stuff from points were less value to me. Every one has a credit card, I can redeem those stuff on my own. One of the member said, his sister received 3 same items from relatives as a gift. Do u not think that they give it for the sake of giving it? Alot of ppl do not want to use their hard earn moeny to pay Ang Pau to the Newlywed, the best item to get is to redeem things from Credit card points. What is there to lose?! Best Gift ever (to the giver)

I do not expect my guest to pay me the market price. If i were to have my wedding at the hotel, of course i am sure i can afford it without their Ang Pau contribution. If i were to receive 3 toasters = trash. I need store room for it, if u ask me to sell it away, u are wasting my time, cos i need to locate the trash u have given me during my wedding. If u were to give me those, i would prefer u not give me anything at all!

EricK
16-11-2005, 11:43 AM
personally, I think it's quite sad that there is a understood "market rate" of how much ang pow a guest should give when attending a wedding dinner.

i feel that invitations to the banquet should be given sincerely by the bride and groom, without expecting to get back a single sen from it.

yes, the cost of the banquet for so many guests is hefty but it was the bride and groom and their families who chose the kind of banquet to have and the number of guests to invite. so it's a situation of their own doing. therefore, i think that they should be prepared to pay for their resulting bill from their own pockets.

if gifts/angpows are given, so be it but i don't think there should be any expectation whatsoever from any party.

what's more, there are those who throw their wedding banquets expecting to profit from it. how did such a joyous personal celebration become a business venture? how sad.

i also disagree that one should give angpow to a couple based on how much that couple gave to you at your wedding. that is rather petty and to me it sounds like the angpow is out of obligation or to "save face" rather than sincerity.

as for me, on a personal level, when i eventually throw my wedding banquet, i plan to foot the entire bill. if i have 200 guests, and if nasi goreng is the best i can afford to feed so many people, so be it. i'd like to think my friends and family are there to share my joyous occasion with me, not pig out on a free meal.

I agree with you 100% on this.... just want to relate a story dont know how true this was as it was told to my by a friend. An old school mate was getting married and she had requested all the school friends she had invited to give an ang pow of at least RM100 :eek:

apparently she wanted to cover the dinner and a vacation too... :rolleyes:

adriene
16-11-2005, 12:29 PM
why cant we give half and half. Half present which is actually to the bride and groom (mat salleh style with gift registry so that no duplication of gift) and ang pow which help towards the banquet.


i think that's because gift registry is not commonly done in malaysia. at least i have never heard of it in malaysia before. anyone experience that before?

maybe ppl here are shy to do a gift registry because its like literally asking for things.

personally i think gift registries are a good idea because it tells ppl, "here are the things which i genuinely need so you know that you're giving me something truly needed." of course, again, i still think there should be no expectation/obligation from any party to fulfil what's on the list.

adriene
16-11-2005, 12:35 PM
as for me, on a personal level, when i eventually throw my wedding banquet, i plan to foot the entire bill. if i have 200 guests, and if nasi goreng is the best i can afford to feed so many people, so be it. i'd like to think my friends and family are there to share my joyous occasion with me, not pig out on a free meal.

Err...that's not unusual Adriene:)...nasi goreng has been one of the 'norm' courses in Chinese wedding dinners...lovely when it gets to fill the stomachs of so many hungry guests...:D


ha orchi. that's true :) i meant if nasi goreng is the one and only thing i can afford, then so be it. a sincere treat for family and friends without expecting gifts/angpows back.

i think this understood ang pow "market rate" also puts pressure on lower-income guests to cough it up for the privilege of attending wedding banquet. for example, govt servant pensioners, for whom RM100 is a substantial sum. i really don't want to put my family and friends through that.

so nasi goreng / beehoon goreng it is for me. and i hope lots of smiles and happiness for everyone =)

orchipalar
16-11-2005, 12:40 PM
ha orchi. that's true :) i meant if nasi goreng is the one and only thing i can afford, then so be it. a sincere treat for family and friends without expecting gifts/angpows back.

i think this understood ang pow "market rate" also puts pressure on lower-income guests to cough it up for the privilege of attending wedding banquet. for example, govt servant pensioners, for whom RM100 is a substantial sum. i really don't want to put my family and friends through that.

so nasi goreng / beehoon goreng it is for me. and i hope lots of smiles and happiness for everyone =)
Err...Orchi would want to be your friend n be invited to your wedding dinner too...

Err...even if you were to serve porridge with 'salted' fish in your wedding dinner...Orchi would attend to it...with a "Lai Si"(Ang Pow)...:)

adriene
16-11-2005, 12:43 PM
Err...Orchi would want to be your friend n be invited to your wedding dinner too...

Err...even if you were to serve porridge with 'salted' fish in your wedding dinner...Orchi would attend to it...:)


haha orchi. can do. it's a deal. it will be a few more years down the road. then i make announcement here ok?

orchipalar
16-11-2005, 12:48 PM
haha orchi. can do. it's a deal. it will be a few more years down the road. then i make announcement here ok?
Err...no issue...no problem...n remember this..."it's better to live in a tent by the beach...under the stars...with someone you love...than living in a mansion alone" Jim Rohn.

JackRyan1975
16-11-2005, 02:11 PM
I think cultural factors dictate the way we give either angpao's or gifts or both. Being generally polite Malaysians, we want to do things politically right e.g. give angpaos with the appropriate amounts when being hosted to a Chinese wedding dinner or physical gifts when invited to a church wedding and Malay wedding etc. It's a matter of doing the right thing, at the right place.

Some may choose to deviate from such notion of political-correctness. That is entirely their right, and neither should they condemn others' ways of giving, nor non-giving for that matter.

bslee
16-11-2005, 02:18 PM
IBeing generally polite Malaysians, we want to do things politically right e.g. give angpaos with the appropriate amounts when being hosted to a Chinese wedding dinner or physical gifts when invited to a church wedding and Malay wedding etc.


Polite?..IMHO, saving face or embarrasement is more likely the honest truth of it!.
Follow the local rules and culture or else.... :p

JackRyan1975
16-11-2005, 02:21 PM
Polite?..IMHO, saving face or embarrasement is more likely the honest truth of it!.
Follow the local rules and culture or else.... :p

People do things for whatever motivations. If they do it out of kiasu-ness, then by all means. It's their life, it's their money, it's their friends/relatives.

bslee
16-11-2005, 02:37 PM
People do things for whatever motivations. If they do it out of kiasu-ness, then by all means. It's their life, it's their money, it's their friends/relatives.

Agreed! We're all throwing our opinions on the floor here, I'm sure we are thinking a little more in-depth than touching the surface of it. The current culture and mindset is possibly going in a perverted or wrong direction where monetory gifts are primary seen as "best gift" and should conform to some benchmark or market rates!.

Perhaps people now prefer to live up to the saying everything has a price and money COULD buy nearly everything including respect and happiness.

JackRyan1975
16-11-2005, 02:42 PM
Perhaps people now prefer to live up to the saying everything has a price and money COULD buy nearly everything including respect and happiness.

Yeah, money can buy one a bride too (since we're on the topic of wedding invatition). You name it...mail-order brides from Indonesia, Myanmar, Vietnam and other ASEAN countries. But enough said about the 'money cannot buy happiness' stuff...hehe

gtl
16-11-2005, 03:20 PM
there is a cantonese saying that if you have money, ghost also wud push your cart (or mortar).

with money almost everything can be settled, but without money nothing can be resolved.

aRwEn
16-11-2005, 03:43 PM
hmm.... to add on to wat has already been discussed, most of my frenz tell me dat it iz not really appropriate to give gifts unless u know d couple well enuf to know their tastes.... juz imagine if u have just bought (or redeemed from ur credit card reward points cuz u didnt wanna spend d extra $$... hehehe.... ) a sweet pink bedspread set as their wedding present n then u realize that their bedroom color scheme is actually in orange or peach.... n that they absolutely hate d colour pink!!! wat a disaster dat wud be!!

hence, i tend to agree that cash is definitely more practical.... cuz d couple can choose d household items dat they really need n like instead of wastin space in their storeroom storing unusable items til they can be recycled so to speak...

;)

sly
16-11-2005, 09:56 PM
Err...dear Sly:)...speaking of the Chinese wedding dinners...

Ahem...for the life of Orchi...why would almost EVERYBODY arrive LATE...ar???

Err...or it may NOT be just a Chinese thingy...ahem...could it be due to just the traffic jams in the cities? :rolleyes:

i think it's like a vip style la...when arrive late everyone will be staring at u can u can show off the dress/shirts/coat/etc that u just bought....and u can smile and wave to everyone...unlike if u arrive early and just sit at the table waiting for the dinner to start...no kick la... :D

sly
16-11-2005, 09:59 PM
as for me, on a personal level, when i eventually throw my wedding banquet, i plan to foot the entire bill. if i have 200 guests, and if nasi goreng is the best i can afford to feed so many people, so be it. i'd like to think my friends and family are there to share my joyous occasion with me, not pig out on a free meal.

eventually when it happens....remember to tell us your experience....would love to know.... :D

VeeJay
16-11-2005, 11:32 PM
Wow so much confusion and commotion for a wedding which suppose to be one of the most happiest joyful moment in ones life. Anyways that’s why I really admire American’s wedding…not sure how its done by other westerners.

American basically go to a shopping store…like giant/jusco/Carrefour/etc and look for the items that would they need to start their together….and as you know things there are real dirt cheap…so normally a wedding gift would cost not more than 20 bucks…

So after selecting the items, they would make an agreement with the Store and pass their name to the management…so wedding period comes, and those who want to buy gift for them…would just go to the specified store on the wedding card, and name the couple that you want to buy the gift, the store manager would pass you the up-to-date list and you pick them, pay it…some time free wraps are given as token of appreciation choosing their store buy…pick the gift and deliver during the wedding…if you cant deliver during the wedding…the Store would deliver on your behalf…THAT is what I call a splendid wedding process…unlike our, how much to give, what to buy, where to buy, what brand to buy…aiyo sakit kepala dah..

It doesn’t stop there…it gets even better, most of them time if it’s a bigger wedding…they would select bigger chain Store…so wherever you are you could get the same wedding list from the store state/country wide…

bslee
17-11-2005, 01:01 AM
Wow so much confusion and commotion for a wedding which suppose to be one of the most happiest joyful moment in ones life. Anyways that’s why I really admire American’s wedding…not sure how its done by other westerners.


Yep!.no harm in admiring how others like you say,.the Americans do things.
They are a radical lot..,wanting to be different, combining prudence, practicality, convienience and efficiency. We do often hear they excel in their own form of creativity on this issue. However, we often hear they divorce or seperate as fast as they got married!. Wedding nites could probably not be an exciting issue as its probably nothing new!.. :D

Here!..BOLEH Land!..Ahhhh!.. local culture and tradition die hard!..It's almost unavoidable!..someone or the seniors in the family would surely insist on some traditional or cultural do!..AND its surely going to cost $$..nothing's free these days!.
Tell the Malays to scrap the bersanding ceremony?..It won't happen!
Tell the Chinese to forego the "yam seng or tea ceremony" or "No Ang Pow" policy (like hotel's "no tipping" policy!) ..Very unlikely! The poor little suckling piglet is having is days numbered too!.. :D

Currently, I don't think the local mindset is not going fully emulate our western counterparts. Possibly some elements of western style wedding gowns, free flowing VSOP, XO, Mercs, BMW's and the fake multi tier cake would very much still be experienced.

adriene
17-11-2005, 03:08 AM
eventually when it happens....remember to tell us your experience....would love to know.... :D


can do, no problem! i have actually thrown a party house for 50-100 friends, all costs borne personally. and stating clearly to pls don't bring gifts. a few people still did. no big deal.

RolyPoly
17-11-2005, 02:29 PM
i think that's because gift registry is not commonly done in malaysia. at least i have never heard of it in malaysia before. anyone experience that before?

maybe ppl here are shy to do a gift registry because its like literally asking for things.

personally i think gift registries are a good idea because it tells ppl, "here are the things which i genuinely need so you know that you're giving me something truly needed." of course, again, i still think there should be no expectation/obligation from any party to fulfil what's on the list.
---------------------

Usually I would ask a new parents for their wishlist and tell all friends that these are the things that the couple need. A co-ordinator is required to do this as our culture is "pai seh pai seh", the couple feel uncomfortable to announce to all what they really want.

RolyPoly
17-11-2005, 02:34 PM
My neighbour threw a lavish party in a 5-star hotel for her only child's wedding. The wedding reception was for 600 pax but only 500pax turned up.
It's a waste to see so many empty tables. At the very last minute, she even asked us to invite other house mates and relatives to join in the dinner to ensure that the empty seats are taken up. But that was at the eleventh hour.

After the wedding, my poor neighbour suffered a serious illness called "hutang keliling pinggang"!!!

I felt very sorry for her. She need not threw the lavish party! Even if the reception was held at a small restaurant, we would be glad to join in to celebrate the joyous ocassion.

SunwayKid
17-11-2005, 06:22 PM
Attended this dinner some time back in Sarawak where the bride's father imposed a no ang-pow policy. All ang-pows were returned / not accepted. If people don't accept, I keep lah. :D

Apparently (can't verify) but was told that this practice is quite common over there, especially with the timber tycoons. Some vultures (reporters) got to know of this and went around the tables soliciting money for advertising the occasion in the local papers, so got to give the ang-pow back. :o

adriene
18-11-2005, 03:19 AM
i think it's like a vip style la...when arrive late everyone will be staring at u can u can show off the dress/shirts/coat/etc that u just bought....and u can smile and wave to everyone...unlike if u arrive early and just sit at the table waiting for the dinner to start...no kick la... :D

i think it is also caused by a compounding effect. people don't like to wait for late comers. and thus, they prefer to be the latecomers themselves. it's like "might as well be late because the dinner's gonna start late anyway."

aimless
18-11-2005, 10:13 AM
Currently, I don't think the local mindset is not going fully emulate our western counterparts. Possibly some elements of western style wedding gowns, free flowing VSOP, XO, Mercs, BMW's and the fake multi tier cake would very much still be experienced.

i think, instead of Malaysians getting more "westernized" in terms of moving towards gift-giving, the reverse is happening. More and more western weddings are moving towards asking for ang-paus! On a lot of the US or UK wedding websites, there are tips on how to "descretely" tell your guests that gifts of cash are preferred, in the invitation card.

So there you go - even the Westerners are realizing that cash is the best gift you can receive at a wedding - with the cash you can buy the products you need to start your new life. Or alternatively, you can start off your new life debt free! This i think is a pertinent point in Malaysia as well - more and more couples are paying for their own weddings nowadays, with less and less financial involvement of their families. I did that, and I know of many friends who were the same. I can say for a fact that the ang paus were instrumental in paying off for the wedding. At the same time, there were hardly any household items i needed, so it worked out well.

If however, the couple do want to receive gifts, we actually have those things in Malaysia nowadays - Metrojaya can arrange to set up a gift list.

To those who strongly believe that ang paus are terrible things, and that you should give a gift at a wedding - let me ask you this. Are you thinking of the couple or, selfishly thinking of yourself? Are you giving them something YOU think is significant, so that for years, YOUR name can be remembered, because YOUR toaster sits on their shelf, or YOUR bedding set is being used by the couple (even though the wife HATES the colour), or YOUR champagne flutes sit IDLY in their kitchen cabinet?

I ask this because I have had discussions with some friends who believe in gift giving - the conclusion was that you give a gift because YOU want to feel that you have given something significant. The question "what does the couple need" or "what would help the couple the most" was not asked.

So I really do feel that the culture of giving ang paus is actually very healthy. It is the concept of "market rate" which is a tad repulsive - i feel you should give what you can. And if you're on the receiving end, make sure you appreciate all gifts, big or small... (yes, even the freakin toasters!! :D)

cherry
21-11-2005, 10:44 AM
I happened to come across an invitation card from my sister's friend and she is a Malay. At the bottom of the card it said "As we have already decorated our home, we would appreciate if gifts comes in fold or in green packets". They really stated it very clear and I think its no harm doing this... ;)

fedup
21-11-2005, 11:03 AM
If you are thinking of getting married just register & go for your honeymoon with your love one. Your invitation is not appreciated by 99% of your guest as they have to fork out money just to make your budget & your parents ego. Can't afford lavish dinner don't give.Not everyone is happy to celebrate you union especially your "ex". I wonder how many couples are marrying their first love anyway just go for your honeymoon & don't harass your friends & relatives as times are so hard nowadays unless you are bumi or govt servant. :p

Ski
21-11-2005, 02:57 PM
If you are thinking of getting married just register & go for your honeymoon with your love one. Your invitation is not appreciated by 99% of your guest as they have to fork out money just to make your budget & your parents ego. Can't afford lavish dinner don't give.Not everyone is happy to celebrate you union especially your "ex". I wonder how many couples are marrying their first love anyway just go for your honeymoon & don't harass your friends & relatives as times are so hard nowadays unless you are bumi or govt servant. :p

Gifts or no gifts most couples want to make this once in a life time experience a memorable spectacular one.
Most families and couples usually have kept aside enough money for the wedding celebrations.
If they received gifts and cash it could be a added bonus.

Btw Fedup, did you have a grand wedding or planning one that you have suggested.